Post by JaceParkerDavidson on Oct 16, 2023 12:43:45 GMT -5
It’s been a month since the Season 3 finale show. It’s been well over a week since the card for Revolution 1 of Season 4 was released and edited. And yet… here I sit looking around and wondering where in the holy fuck are my opponents?
It’s no secret that there is a known portion of the UPRISING roster who are considered fucking lazy. There is that percentage of folks that don’t act like they pay attention to the product or anything about it until the 11th hour. We all know who those names are without ever speaking them out loud.
But this?
This is just fucking sad, man.
It’s the first fucking show of the new Season. It’s a fresh fucking start to wash away whatever happened in Season 3 and move forward. Yet as I sit here scrolling through my phone and looking around social media I see fuck all.
Might as well be tumbleweeds rolling through as far as this match is concerned.
However, I shouldn’t complain. Opponents who aren’t invested just mean that it’s an easy win for Madison and me. A win is a win is a win. That will never not be the case. But here we are… me looking a gift win in the mouth and I’m fucking annoyed.
I’m annoyed because these ‘opponents’ are supposed to be the standard here in UPRISING. These opponents are supposed to represent the best and the brightest that this roster has to offer. These opponents go around and call themselves ‘Aces.’
Oops… well, one of them is.
I see and hear all the talk. I know about the whispers that say that myself and The Kingdom do nothing but complain. Rumors that we throw tantrums over the fact that we can’t cut it or that other members of the roster are better than us.
Is this what you call superior talent?
Is this what it means to be an Ace?
There are no tantrums needed when the truth is right there in front of your face. Where are Talia Skye and… hang on a second…
Ethan Atlas.
I literally had to stop typing and go to the roster pages to find who the fuck you are, dude. And even as I look at your official UPRISING roster page I realize that your name doesn’t ring a bell. All I honestly know about you, young Ethan, is that you’re Talia Skye's flavor of the month. That you are officially NOT a member of the Aces. And according to your roster page… you like calling yourself ‘The Jack of Spades.’
The Jack of Spades.
I know you can’t see me right now but I’m in the middle of a laughing fit. The Jack of Spades, Jesus Christ, son. How long did the juices in your skull have to percolate before you came up with that gem?
Not only are these playing card puns dumb as fuck, but they don’t even make any fucking sense. Tell me, young Ethan, what card game exists where the Jack of Spades is the card you really want to have? Name the game where the Jack of Spades trumps all the other cards because I sure as fuck don’t know of one.
Pretty sure you don’t either.
If I had to bet money, I would say that it was a name given to you by Talia and the rest of The Aces and you just went along with it. That’s just the kind of guy you are, aren’t you? You let someone else make all your decisions for you and you just stand there silently holding Talia’s purse just happy to be involved.
What is it, Ethan?
You’re 24 years old and the best you can do is Talia Skye?!
They don’t respect you enough to even make you an official member of the group. They make you call yourself the Jackoff of Spades. Talia is old enough to be your mother and ugly enough to be your ruined 3rd-grade science project.
You’re basically pouring a bottle of water onto the sands of the Sahara desert. That shit ain’t going to change anything, bro. The only way she’s getting wet for you or anyone else is the hot flashes that come along with menopause.
Why should I be worried about you in this match, Ethan?
What do you bring to the table that should make me train that much harder just because of the fact you’re in this match?
Clearly, Talia wears the pants in whatever weird-ass relationship you two have.
You’re a lackey for a washed-up wrestler. You’re the sacrificial lamb that she will throw to the wolves the moment the pressure in the kitchen gets too hot for her. And you do this happily why? So that you get to stick your dick in one of Arby’s under $3 classics?
Hard pass.
And speaking of ‘She’s got the meats’ there is you Talia.
The glaring weakness in the Aces stable. I think all of you are fucking clowns but at least every other member of the group has at least one claim to make it debatable on whether they are worthless or not.
But you?
You’re more anchor than Ace. You’re the annoying one with the controller that isn’t connected and thinks she’s playing along but honestly, you’re just watching the three other members play the game.
What makes you an Ace, Talia?
According to Kevin Mears, it’s the fact that you’re a tag team specialist. What great things have you accomplished tag team-wise in UPRISING lately? What huge Unity match have you won in the last three months that justifies your claim to be an Ace?
Who is the tag team partner you’ve taken under your wing and against all odds willed them to victory on your God-given talent alone?
I would wait for an answer but your replies are slower than the US postal service.
Despite all of these facts, management seems to love throwing you in front of Madison’s road to glory. The moment Madison is about to burst through that glass ceiling that management has put over her… a random Talia Skye match appears to hold her down.
At first… it was a fun little rivalry. But now? It’s just cringe because it’s obvious that Madison has surpassed you in so many ways. Madison is the future of this company while you’re a relic of the past barely hanging on to make sure that direct deposit hits.
You think just because you’re a veteran in this business that your experience is a valuable asset.
Trust me when I tell you it is not.
Every wrinkled boomer out there has experience but that doesn’t stop them from sitting on their front lawn while yelling at a cloud.
You have no business being on this roster. You have even less business walking around even suggesting that you’re one of the current best wrestlers on this roster. Your top achievement lately is Kris Jenner’ing yourself a man not old enough to get a rental car on his own. You’re a pawn that has her own pawn. You’re not an Ace… you’re a low-grade worker who was gifted the title Assistant Manager with no substance to it whatsoever.
Kevin pats you on the head and sings your praises because that’s all it takes to keep you wrapped around his little finger. The only reason that you’re not on the outside looking in like Ethan on the Aces group is because you were born with meat curtains.
That’s it.
The beginning, the middle, and the end of it. You’re only in that group because you have a vagina and you’re not very bright.
Zero percent of it has to do with talent, ability, or experience.
Your entire group thinks you’re on top of the world and that no one can touch you. On Revolution, The Kingdom is going to show you how wrong you are. We’re not just going to beat you and Ethan. We’re going to embarrass you.
We’re going to put you down Talia to the point management won’t be able to make you the constant speed bump in Madison’s career moving forward.
We’re going to make such a statement about the two of you that Kevin Mears will be forced to Future Endeavors your ass from the Aces on sheer optics alone.
I’m sure you already know this, Talia.
But Ethan? Prepare to be the guy in his twenties bored out of his mind doing the old folks wrestling convention tours.
Stock up on the Bengay.
I hear the arthritis from signing more than three autographs at her age is a bitch.
It’s no secret that there is a known portion of the UPRISING roster who are considered fucking lazy. There is that percentage of folks that don’t act like they pay attention to the product or anything about it until the 11th hour. We all know who those names are without ever speaking them out loud.
But this?
This is just fucking sad, man.
It’s the first fucking show of the new Season. It’s a fresh fucking start to wash away whatever happened in Season 3 and move forward. Yet as I sit here scrolling through my phone and looking around social media I see fuck all.
Might as well be tumbleweeds rolling through as far as this match is concerned.
However, I shouldn’t complain. Opponents who aren’t invested just mean that it’s an easy win for Madison and me. A win is a win is a win. That will never not be the case. But here we are… me looking a gift win in the mouth and I’m fucking annoyed.
I’m annoyed because these ‘opponents’ are supposed to be the standard here in UPRISING. These opponents are supposed to represent the best and the brightest that this roster has to offer. These opponents go around and call themselves ‘Aces.’
Oops… well, one of them is.
I see and hear all the talk. I know about the whispers that say that myself and The Kingdom do nothing but complain. Rumors that we throw tantrums over the fact that we can’t cut it or that other members of the roster are better than us.
Is this what you call superior talent?
Is this what it means to be an Ace?
There are no tantrums needed when the truth is right there in front of your face. Where are Talia Skye and… hang on a second…
Ethan Atlas.
I literally had to stop typing and go to the roster pages to find who the fuck you are, dude. And even as I look at your official UPRISING roster page I realize that your name doesn’t ring a bell. All I honestly know about you, young Ethan, is that you’re Talia Skye's flavor of the month. That you are officially NOT a member of the Aces. And according to your roster page… you like calling yourself ‘The Jack of Spades.’
The Jack of Spades.
I know you can’t see me right now but I’m in the middle of a laughing fit. The Jack of Spades, Jesus Christ, son. How long did the juices in your skull have to percolate before you came up with that gem?
Not only are these playing card puns dumb as fuck, but they don’t even make any fucking sense. Tell me, young Ethan, what card game exists where the Jack of Spades is the card you really want to have? Name the game where the Jack of Spades trumps all the other cards because I sure as fuck don’t know of one.
Pretty sure you don’t either.
If I had to bet money, I would say that it was a name given to you by Talia and the rest of The Aces and you just went along with it. That’s just the kind of guy you are, aren’t you? You let someone else make all your decisions for you and you just stand there silently holding Talia’s purse just happy to be involved.
What is it, Ethan?
You’re 24 years old and the best you can do is Talia Skye?!
They don’t respect you enough to even make you an official member of the group. They make you call yourself the Jackoff of Spades. Talia is old enough to be your mother and ugly enough to be your ruined 3rd-grade science project.
You’re basically pouring a bottle of water onto the sands of the Sahara desert. That shit ain’t going to change anything, bro. The only way she’s getting wet for you or anyone else is the hot flashes that come along with menopause.
Why should I be worried about you in this match, Ethan?
What do you bring to the table that should make me train that much harder just because of the fact you’re in this match?
Clearly, Talia wears the pants in whatever weird-ass relationship you two have.
You’re a lackey for a washed-up wrestler. You’re the sacrificial lamb that she will throw to the wolves the moment the pressure in the kitchen gets too hot for her. And you do this happily why? So that you get to stick your dick in one of Arby’s under $3 classics?
Hard pass.
And speaking of ‘She’s got the meats’ there is you Talia.
The glaring weakness in the Aces stable. I think all of you are fucking clowns but at least every other member of the group has at least one claim to make it debatable on whether they are worthless or not.
But you?
You’re more anchor than Ace. You’re the annoying one with the controller that isn’t connected and thinks she’s playing along but honestly, you’re just watching the three other members play the game.
What makes you an Ace, Talia?
According to Kevin Mears, it’s the fact that you’re a tag team specialist. What great things have you accomplished tag team-wise in UPRISING lately? What huge Unity match have you won in the last three months that justifies your claim to be an Ace?
Who is the tag team partner you’ve taken under your wing and against all odds willed them to victory on your God-given talent alone?
I would wait for an answer but your replies are slower than the US postal service.
Despite all of these facts, management seems to love throwing you in front of Madison’s road to glory. The moment Madison is about to burst through that glass ceiling that management has put over her… a random Talia Skye match appears to hold her down.
At first… it was a fun little rivalry. But now? It’s just cringe because it’s obvious that Madison has surpassed you in so many ways. Madison is the future of this company while you’re a relic of the past barely hanging on to make sure that direct deposit hits.
You think just because you’re a veteran in this business that your experience is a valuable asset.
Trust me when I tell you it is not.
Every wrinkled boomer out there has experience but that doesn’t stop them from sitting on their front lawn while yelling at a cloud.
You have no business being on this roster. You have even less business walking around even suggesting that you’re one of the current best wrestlers on this roster. Your top achievement lately is Kris Jenner’ing yourself a man not old enough to get a rental car on his own. You’re a pawn that has her own pawn. You’re not an Ace… you’re a low-grade worker who was gifted the title Assistant Manager with no substance to it whatsoever.
Kevin pats you on the head and sings your praises because that’s all it takes to keep you wrapped around his little finger. The only reason that you’re not on the outside looking in like Ethan on the Aces group is because you were born with meat curtains.
That’s it.
The beginning, the middle, and the end of it. You’re only in that group because you have a vagina and you’re not very bright.
Zero percent of it has to do with talent, ability, or experience.
Your entire group thinks you’re on top of the world and that no one can touch you. On Revolution, The Kingdom is going to show you how wrong you are. We’re not just going to beat you and Ethan. We’re going to embarrass you.
We’re going to put you down Talia to the point management won’t be able to make you the constant speed bump in Madison’s career moving forward.
We’re going to make such a statement about the two of you that Kevin Mears will be forced to Future Endeavors your ass from the Aces on sheer optics alone.
I’m sure you already know this, Talia.
But Ethan? Prepare to be the guy in his twenties bored out of his mind doing the old folks wrestling convention tours.
Stock up on the Bengay.
I hear the arthritis from signing more than three autographs at her age is a bitch.