Post by fullmetal on Sept 8, 2023 2:29:37 GMT -5
"The Secret Elaborate Plan(?)"
Guest Starring: Marisol Vilaro & Yelena Gorgo
We fade in to a well-kept backyard garden area of a pretty nice house...somewhere.
Entering through the gate is "Man of the Century" Chad Gilchrist, leading his UPRISING associates Marisol Vilaro and Yelena Gorgo (who is also his unwilling opponent at Solstice) with a huge smile on his face.
CHAD GILCHRIST: "Ladies, welcome to Casa De 'Chayla'--that's 'Chad' and 'Layla' together--and I hope your driver found their way okay. I'm sorry I couldn't meet you on the way, Layla had a sudden garbage disposal emergency that required a Chad who was right there rather than her waiting for a plumber for hours."
MARISOL VILARO: (smirking) "Sounds like you're quite handy with more than just wrestling, then."
CG: (a big huge proud grin) "My parents were 100% the 'learn a lot of useful skills to help yourself' type, always comes in handy."
YELENA GORGO: (also smirking) "I bet you also sew your own gear, huh?"
CG: "I did, at the beginning of my wrestling journey. If I needed to do it again NOW, I could, but luckily I've reached a point where I don't have to." (A beat.) "How do you like the garden? Layla and I tend it ourselves, to make sure we style it just to our likings -- she likes citrus trees, and I'm a fan of aloe plants, and we've got them arranged to look nice together too."
YG: "I know you didn't have us over just to discuss your plants, Chad."
CG: "Of course, but what's wrong with a bit of small talk before we get down to the important business at hand? After all, a big part of increasing your overall wellness through The Vilaro System is finding the joy in the small, the peaceful, and the small-and-peaceful...and tending to a thoughtfully configured garden certainly goes a long way towards that."
He throws a knowing smirk of his own towards both Mari and Gorgo, raising an eyebrow as he glances at Gorgo.
YG: (narrows her eyes at Chad, and grudgingly) "You do make a good point there. But we really do have to get down to business, as both Marisol and myself do have important business to tend to after this, and we're on a bit of a schedule to keep."
MV: "Well Yelena, it would be inconsiderate of us to rush one of my most fruitful clients...pardon the pun." (she gestures around the garden towards the citrus trees as she does so) "And I've been told by at least SOME of VilaroFit's legal counsel that it would go a long way towards rehab-ing my public image if I actually didn't, in the words of at least one of them, 'shriek like a Harpy at people who mildly criticize' me." (A beat.) "Speaking of public image, where are the cameras, Chad? I'd like to give them some notes to make sure they get my good side--ALL my sides are good, of course, but there ARE certain angles where my light shines brightest."
CG: "Oh, there aren't going to be any cameras recording this meeting, it's important we keep this as hush-hush as possible to make sure that cotton candy lizard doesn't find out what we know and what we're planning in order to fight back against her."
MV: "Oh, of course, that makes total sense! Naturally!"
Marisol does seem a bit deflated that there aren't any cameras around to capture her carefully cultivated VilaroFit "Fit Of The Day", and Gorgo also seems a slight bit disappointed too...but for what reasons of her own, only she knows.
CG: "We can still do a few photos before you leave and call it something like 'scouting out the next Wellness Retreat', and write it off in the Expenses!"
YG: "That is a good idea."
CG: "When it comes to having a good idea, I'm full of it!" (He grins widely.)
Mari and Gorgo both tilt their heads with slight puzzlement over Chad's clearly oblivious self-burn, as Chad gestures towards a nearby door.
CG: "The kitchen awaits, where we can properly strategize."
He leads them through the door to his kitchen that looks straight out of one of those real estate shows that show off "elegant minimalism" and similar pretentious dwellings. He gestures towards the kitchen island, where there are some fashionably minimal tall chairs that SHOULD be stools but they went to private school.
YG: "This place looks right out of a magazine, impressive." (A beat.) "And also a bit pretentious."
CG: "I know, isn't it great?"
Chad, ever the chivalrist, slides out chairs for both of them and then heads over to a nearby table where a manila envelope lies conspicuously alone. He grabs the envelope and dramatically plops it down on the kitchen island.
CG: "THIS, ladies...is the dastardly plan that Black Crusade co-leader Kalinda Kriegsdottir has in store for us at Solstice. A close friend of a close friend of mine risked his neck to get us this information...and sadly wound up with a fractured coccyx for his trouble...but he got the dirt, and that's worth a DOZEN fractured coccyx...es. Coccyx...i? Busted tailbones."
He dramatically opens the envelope and peers in, just to make sure there wasn't anything like anthrax or something inside.
Nope, only pages.
He pulls the pages out and lays everything out on the kitchen island as Layla enters frame, smiling cordially while carrying 4 small glasses in one hand and a large chilled bottle of VilaroFit-branded citrus-infused energy water in the other.
She sets the glasses down and pours water for everybody as Chad lifts the cover sheet of paper and begins reading it out loud.
CG: (reading page) "FOR MINION EYES ONLY. FOR REALSIES, YOU MINIONS BETTER MAKE SURE NOBODY SEES THIS, OR YOU'RE GONNA BE RE-ASSIGNED TO CLEAN-UP DUTY AFTER THE TOTAL BLOODBATH THAT'S GONNA BE HAPPENING. SINCERELY, YOUR BENEVOLENT EVIL BOSS, KALINDA."
YG: (flatly) "That doesn't sound very reassuring. But we might be getting a hardcore match, that sounds simple."
MV: "Nothing's ever simple with that pink gecko. Keep reading, Chad."
CG: "Well, that was the front page, let's see what's next...AHEM..." (He takes the next page and begins reading.) "'I had an idea, but due to the recent passing of frozen-poultry enthusiast, one Terrence "FOREVER, FOREVER, FOREVER, FOREVER" Funk...'" (A beat.) "Yes, she wrote it that way...and violated the Rule Of Three in the process, HOW DARE SHE."
MV: "Ahem."
CG: "Right." (Continues reading) "'...I decided the original idea needs a bit of special "Terry Funk Tex-Mex" flavor added to it.' There's some handwritten scrawl on the side. 'Strike that extra part, the state health commissioner nixed the coyotes on account of Chadford's excessive dental hygiene rendering his bones not considered food-grade meat.' RUDE!"
YG: "Well, that's one stipulation we don't have to worry about." (A beat.) "She would've really sent coyotes after us!"
MV: "She's capable of ANYTHING, especially when it comes to trying to prevent US, and especially ME, from showing those people how much better they'd be if they just listened to me!"
CG: (Continues reading) "'In addition to the usual assortment of weapons allowed...' Okay, so it's DEFINITELY a hardcore match. '...containers of various spices and foodstuffs -- particularly peppers of various flavors and hotnesses -- will be provided at ringside. In order to win, your opponent has to be thoroughly seasoned and cooked...' The fuck? COOKED?? '...for which a number of potentially flammable weapons are provided along with some of those long cookout lighters to light 'em up with...'"
YG: "Great, so now she wants us to BURN each other alive!"
MV: "I can't have my best friend and current best male client getting their VilaroFit faces and bodies burnt up! That's going to be at least 6 to 8 months of lost photo promotional revenue!"
CG: "And I just came back from grievous bodily injuries, AND a violent assault in my hospital room!" (He lets out an indignant huff.) "'...before they are finished off (allowed to have a fall attempt count).' And this is the part where she mentions the coyotes, and crosses it out. There's some diagrams here and a recipe for 'Turkey Funk with Spinning Drumstick Hold' involving the ingredients."
YG: (grimacing) "She really likes puns. I do not like it when people that aren't me really like puns -- they put way too much effort into incorporating them into their regular conversation and it makes them come off like tryhards."
Layla clears her throat.
LAYLA: "Everybody, to clear the mood of this incredibly foul recipe, I suggest we all take a relaxing, cool drink of this wonderful energy water you were so considerate to send us, Marisol."
YG: "What did I just say about puns?"
LAYLA: "...what pun?"
YG: "Foul. We're talking turkey, and you just said 'fowl' in reference to it."
LAYLA: "Huh--OHHHHH, I get it now. 'Fowl'." She rolls her eyes as she takes a drink, and the other 3 also take a drink. "Yum."
MV: "Mmmm, I really made the right decision hiring those flavor nerds to come up with this."
CG: "Oh, there's some writing on the back. 'Wouldn't that be a Turkey Deathmatch? - Head Minion' 'I had to dictate the paperwork to Steve over the phone, and the images were already at the ad office before I could correct the error! - KK' 'Well then...how about we call it "Turkey Funk"? - HM' 'PERFECT, and add something like...oh, I got it, "Spinning Drumstick Hold", yes, brilliant. - KK' 'But the coyotes are definitely not approved, right? - HM' 'Correct, no coyotes, not even a Road Runner - KK'"
LAYLA: "Everybody hold up your glasses with a big smile, please!"
She points her phone camera at them, and they all do so.
LAYLA: "Thank youuuu, that'll salvage this incredibly uneventful Live."
MV: "WAIT, you were RECORDING this whole conversation, and for a Live? How long?? The whole thing or just the last part??? QUICK, put everything away so the dragon doesn't know we know, regardless!"
Chad quickly tries to stuff the pages back in the envelope, spilling a bit of the energy water on it in the process, but before anyone could see, the pages are hidden by being slidden into the envelope, and the scene fades out as an actual hidden camera zooms in on the un-read 3rd page as its being slid in, which the water reveals text for and would simply have read, if they'd checked, 'YOU FOOLS, I made you look! - KK'
Fade to black.
Guest Starring: Marisol Vilaro & Yelena Gorgo
We fade in to a well-kept backyard garden area of a pretty nice house...somewhere.
Entering through the gate is "Man of the Century" Chad Gilchrist, leading his UPRISING associates Marisol Vilaro and Yelena Gorgo (who is also his unwilling opponent at Solstice) with a huge smile on his face.
CHAD GILCHRIST: "Ladies, welcome to Casa De 'Chayla'--that's 'Chad' and 'Layla' together--and I hope your driver found their way okay. I'm sorry I couldn't meet you on the way, Layla had a sudden garbage disposal emergency that required a Chad who was right there rather than her waiting for a plumber for hours."
MARISOL VILARO: (smirking) "Sounds like you're quite handy with more than just wrestling, then."
CG: (a big huge proud grin) "My parents were 100% the 'learn a lot of useful skills to help yourself' type, always comes in handy."
YELENA GORGO: (also smirking) "I bet you also sew your own gear, huh?"
CG: "I did, at the beginning of my wrestling journey. If I needed to do it again NOW, I could, but luckily I've reached a point where I don't have to." (A beat.) "How do you like the garden? Layla and I tend it ourselves, to make sure we style it just to our likings -- she likes citrus trees, and I'm a fan of aloe plants, and we've got them arranged to look nice together too."
YG: "I know you didn't have us over just to discuss your plants, Chad."
CG: "Of course, but what's wrong with a bit of small talk before we get down to the important business at hand? After all, a big part of increasing your overall wellness through The Vilaro System is finding the joy in the small, the peaceful, and the small-and-peaceful...and tending to a thoughtfully configured garden certainly goes a long way towards that."
He throws a knowing smirk of his own towards both Mari and Gorgo, raising an eyebrow as he glances at Gorgo.
YG: (narrows her eyes at Chad, and grudgingly) "You do make a good point there. But we really do have to get down to business, as both Marisol and myself do have important business to tend to after this, and we're on a bit of a schedule to keep."
MV: "Well Yelena, it would be inconsiderate of us to rush one of my most fruitful clients...pardon the pun." (she gestures around the garden towards the citrus trees as she does so) "And I've been told by at least SOME of VilaroFit's legal counsel that it would go a long way towards rehab-ing my public image if I actually didn't, in the words of at least one of them, 'shriek like a Harpy at people who mildly criticize' me." (A beat.) "Speaking of public image, where are the cameras, Chad? I'd like to give them some notes to make sure they get my good side--ALL my sides are good, of course, but there ARE certain angles where my light shines brightest."
CG: "Oh, there aren't going to be any cameras recording this meeting, it's important we keep this as hush-hush as possible to make sure that cotton candy lizard doesn't find out what we know and what we're planning in order to fight back against her."
MV: "Oh, of course, that makes total sense! Naturally!"
Marisol does seem a bit deflated that there aren't any cameras around to capture her carefully cultivated VilaroFit "Fit Of The Day", and Gorgo also seems a slight bit disappointed too...but for what reasons of her own, only she knows.
CG: "We can still do a few photos before you leave and call it something like 'scouting out the next Wellness Retreat', and write it off in the Expenses!"
YG: "That is a good idea."
CG: "When it comes to having a good idea, I'm full of it!" (He grins widely.)
Mari and Gorgo both tilt their heads with slight puzzlement over Chad's clearly oblivious self-burn, as Chad gestures towards a nearby door.
CG: "The kitchen awaits, where we can properly strategize."
He leads them through the door to his kitchen that looks straight out of one of those real estate shows that show off "elegant minimalism" and similar pretentious dwellings. He gestures towards the kitchen island, where there are some fashionably minimal tall chairs that SHOULD be stools but they went to private school.
YG: "This place looks right out of a magazine, impressive." (A beat.) "And also a bit pretentious."
CG: "I know, isn't it great?"
Chad, ever the chivalrist, slides out chairs for both of them and then heads over to a nearby table where a manila envelope lies conspicuously alone. He grabs the envelope and dramatically plops it down on the kitchen island.
CG: "THIS, ladies...is the dastardly plan that Black Crusade co-leader Kalinda Kriegsdottir has in store for us at Solstice. A close friend of a close friend of mine risked his neck to get us this information...and sadly wound up with a fractured coccyx for his trouble...but he got the dirt, and that's worth a DOZEN fractured coccyx...es. Coccyx...i? Busted tailbones."
He dramatically opens the envelope and peers in, just to make sure there wasn't anything like anthrax or something inside.
Nope, only pages.
He pulls the pages out and lays everything out on the kitchen island as Layla enters frame, smiling cordially while carrying 4 small glasses in one hand and a large chilled bottle of VilaroFit-branded citrus-infused energy water in the other.
She sets the glasses down and pours water for everybody as Chad lifts the cover sheet of paper and begins reading it out loud.
CG: (reading page) "FOR MINION EYES ONLY. FOR REALSIES, YOU MINIONS BETTER MAKE SURE NOBODY SEES THIS, OR YOU'RE GONNA BE RE-ASSIGNED TO CLEAN-UP DUTY AFTER THE TOTAL BLOODBATH THAT'S GONNA BE HAPPENING. SINCERELY, YOUR BENEVOLENT EVIL BOSS, KALINDA."
YG: (flatly) "That doesn't sound very reassuring. But we might be getting a hardcore match, that sounds simple."
MV: "Nothing's ever simple with that pink gecko. Keep reading, Chad."
CG: "Well, that was the front page, let's see what's next...AHEM..." (He takes the next page and begins reading.) "'I had an idea, but due to the recent passing of frozen-poultry enthusiast, one Terrence "FOREVER, FOREVER, FOREVER, FOREVER" Funk...'" (A beat.) "Yes, she wrote it that way...and violated the Rule Of Three in the process, HOW DARE SHE."
MV: "Ahem."
CG: "Right." (Continues reading) "'...I decided the original idea needs a bit of special "Terry Funk Tex-Mex" flavor added to it.' There's some handwritten scrawl on the side. 'Strike that extra part, the state health commissioner nixed the coyotes on account of Chadford's excessive dental hygiene rendering his bones not considered food-grade meat.' RUDE!"
YG: "Well, that's one stipulation we don't have to worry about." (A beat.) "She would've really sent coyotes after us!"
MV: "She's capable of ANYTHING, especially when it comes to trying to prevent US, and especially ME, from showing those people how much better they'd be if they just listened to me!"
CG: (Continues reading) "'In addition to the usual assortment of weapons allowed...' Okay, so it's DEFINITELY a hardcore match. '...containers of various spices and foodstuffs -- particularly peppers of various flavors and hotnesses -- will be provided at ringside. In order to win, your opponent has to be thoroughly seasoned and cooked...' The fuck? COOKED?? '...for which a number of potentially flammable weapons are provided along with some of those long cookout lighters to light 'em up with...'"
YG: "Great, so now she wants us to BURN each other alive!"
MV: "I can't have my best friend and current best male client getting their VilaroFit faces and bodies burnt up! That's going to be at least 6 to 8 months of lost photo promotional revenue!"
CG: "And I just came back from grievous bodily injuries, AND a violent assault in my hospital room!" (He lets out an indignant huff.) "'...before they are finished off (allowed to have a fall attempt count).' And this is the part where she mentions the coyotes, and crosses it out. There's some diagrams here and a recipe for 'Turkey Funk with Spinning Drumstick Hold' involving the ingredients."
YG: (grimacing) "She really likes puns. I do not like it when people that aren't me really like puns -- they put way too much effort into incorporating them into their regular conversation and it makes them come off like tryhards."
Layla clears her throat.
LAYLA: "Everybody, to clear the mood of this incredibly foul recipe, I suggest we all take a relaxing, cool drink of this wonderful energy water you were so considerate to send us, Marisol."
YG: "What did I just say about puns?"
LAYLA: "...what pun?"
YG: "Foul. We're talking turkey, and you just said 'fowl' in reference to it."
LAYLA: "Huh--OHHHHH, I get it now. 'Fowl'." She rolls her eyes as she takes a drink, and the other 3 also take a drink. "Yum."
MV: "Mmmm, I really made the right decision hiring those flavor nerds to come up with this."
CG: "Oh, there's some writing on the back. 'Wouldn't that be a Turkey Deathmatch? - Head Minion' 'I had to dictate the paperwork to Steve over the phone, and the images were already at the ad office before I could correct the error! - KK' 'Well then...how about we call it "Turkey Funk"? - HM' 'PERFECT, and add something like...oh, I got it, "Spinning Drumstick Hold", yes, brilliant. - KK' 'But the coyotes are definitely not approved, right? - HM' 'Correct, no coyotes, not even a Road Runner - KK'"
LAYLA: "Everybody hold up your glasses with a big smile, please!"
She points her phone camera at them, and they all do so.
LAYLA: "Thank youuuu, that'll salvage this incredibly uneventful Live."
MV: "WAIT, you were RECORDING this whole conversation, and for a Live? How long?? The whole thing or just the last part??? QUICK, put everything away so the dragon doesn't know we know, regardless!"
Chad quickly tries to stuff the pages back in the envelope, spilling a bit of the energy water on it in the process, but before anyone could see, the pages are hidden by being slidden into the envelope, and the scene fades out as an actual hidden camera zooms in on the un-read 3rd page as its being slid in, which the water reveals text for and would simply have read, if they'd checked, 'YOU FOOLS, I made you look! - KK'
Fade to black.