Post by JaceParkerDavidson on Mar 31, 2023 0:03:48 GMT -5
The scene opens up to the STRONKUMMS LLC Headquarters in Minnesota. Inside one of the executive offices sits the self-proclaimed ‘Manager of Champions’ Abdullah Choi. He’s parked in a plush 97red color chair behind a large desk. He is focused on his computer screen that sits on top of the desk. His hand sits upon the mouse and moves it around generously. The door to the office opens and in steps Yulia Kozlova. She closes the door behind her and approaches the desk.
Choi glances away from the screen and then waves his hand at Kozlova. Yulia nods her head and then reaches into her pocket to pull out her phone. She swipes her finger across the screen a few times before raising the phone into the air. She points it toward Choi who spins his chair to face her. He fusses with his hand a little bit and straightens his glasses before giving Yulia the signal to start recording.
“Welcome ladies and gentlemen, I am the one and only Abdullah Choi and this is another edition of Choi Story.”
Choi pauses for a moment and glances over at the computer screen before turning back toward Yulia.
“I think I will call this one, ‘Choi Story: How High Are You?’ because boy let me tell you. Someone has been smoking some shit and it’s affecting the brain cells.”
“You’re one to talk,” Yulia interjects.
“Hey! I make no secret about my recreational use of all kinds of drugs and other substances that may or may not be legal. If people don’t do their homework on me then it’s not my fault.” Choi says defensively.
“Whatever,” Julia replies.
“Speaking of doing homework. It seems that one Mr. Ace Sky decided to respond to what Jacey had to say the other day.” Choi raises his eyebrow. “Can I even really call it a response? I mean, it was definitely weird, but I don’t know if it can be considered responding to what the future UPRISING World Champion had to say. Either way, Mr. Sky decided to post something on the UPRISING website and then quote tweet Jacey with a link to it.”
Choi spins in his chair slightly and moves the mouse on his desk as he looks over the computer screen.
“Ace Sky is a man that seems very proud of his life here at 40 years of age. So much so, that he continuously tries to tell Jacey his life story in great detail. Whether it be in tweets or via videos on YouTube.” Choi scoffs. “Like anyone that goes to YouTube isn’t immediately going straight to the Mr. Beast videos. Come on!”
Choi throws his hands into the air aggressively to the point his glasses also fall off of his face. He composes himself and adjusts his glasses.
“Honestly, this whole thing reads like a Wikipedia page on bath salts, Bud. I don’t understand what Ace Sky is trying to accomplish here. Does he think that if he goes over his life story repeatedly that someone will want to write a book about it? Is he already looking past professional wrestling to become a NY Times bestseller?” Choi reaches up and begins to scratch his head. “Let’s just dig into this thing, shall we?”
“I’d rather not,” Yulia commented.
Choi ignores Yulia and focuses on the computer screen. He begins reading over the post again, hoping that this time it will bring more clarity than the first reading did.
“Okay I’m reading over this first little chunk here and I just have to ask… why did he go over how he was conceived? Like did we really need to know that his parents banged at Woodstock. This is coming from me of all people, I always want to know when people are banging but this feels unnecessary.” Choi scans the screen with his eyes. “Their first child was named Arlo and that means Ace is also a middle child. Their parents must have hated them but that explains a lot in the grand scheme of things.”
“Arlo sounds like the name of a dog and Ace is a playing card. Real geniuses these people are.” Yulia chimed in.
“Apparently, his father had interests in Astronomy and Astrophysics but made his focus on Experimental Physics. His mother was a Theoretical Physicist. Do not ask me why all of this was detailed or why it matters because I can’t give you an answer.” Choi chuckled a bit. “Ace was born on March 16th, 1983, and they soon discovered that he had an IQ of 190.”
Choi turned his head toward Yulia as a skeptical look covered his face.
“His IQ is higher than his weight?” Yulia asked out loud as Choi turned back toward the screen.
“At 12 years old Arlo shared his love of professional wrestling and martial arts with Ace. By his second birthday, Ace was obsessed with professional wrestling, martial arts, and outer space.” Choi takes off his glasses for a moment and rubs his forehead. “At 2 years old I was still crapping in diapers and being yelled at for trying to eat dog food. Yet, somehow, Ace had a fully functioning concept of professional wrestling, martial arts, and outer space.”
“Are you calling bullshit already?” Yulia questioned but Choi held up his index finger and went back to reading.
“Blah, blah, blah, he and his father would use telescopes and build model rockets. At 4 years old Ace started Soccer and Gymnastics. Okay, have you ever tried to get a 4-year-old to focus on something as precise and focused as Gymnastics before? I can get Soccer, he runs around, plays with grass, and gets to eat orange slices. Everyone gets home with a trophy for just showing up.” Choi’s hands get very animated as he explains. “But Gymnastics at 4 years old is a stretch, a Stretch Armstrong stretch at the very least. At 5 years old he started Taekwondo and at 6 years old amateur wrestling.”
“What was he wrestling? His soiled bed sheets?” Yulia quipped.
“At 10 years old he got his first-degree black belt in Taekwondo. He also made his backyard wrestling debut at 10 years old. So, Soccer, Gymnastics, A black belt in Taekwondo, and backyard wrestling all by age 10. When did this kid have time to wipe his own ass? His parents should have put him on Ritalin.” Choi suggested. “It says that they started out using trampolines but then moved to self-made rings. Again, I have to ask, do you know any 10-year-olds with the knowledge of how to put together a wrestling ring and have the ability to physically do it?”
Yulia shook her head no, emphatically.
“At 11 years old, it says that he was able to skip Junior and High School to head straight to State College. Not JUST as a student but as a Professor’s Assistant in Astrophysics.” Choi grunted and ground his teeth a little bit. “What kind of beautiful mind asshole does this guy think he is? An 11-year-old that went to college and accomplished becoming a Professor’s Assistant in Astrophysics. Now, you’d think if that actually happened then it would be major news, correct? On a worldwide scale, naturally. Do you remember hearing about tiny genius Ace Sky back in 1994?”
“That doesn’t ring a bell for me,” Yulia revealed.
“Same, but that’s what it says here. Yet, in a wonderful twist, young Ace decided to tell his parents that he wanted to be a professional wrestler. An 11-year-old genius in the field of intellectuals, a child that was on the fast track to winning a Noble Prize. He just up and decided, nope, I want to run away to another country to start my career of getting kicked in the face for a living.” Choi slams his hands down on the desk. “WHAT?!”
Yulia shrugs her shoulders.
“That’s totally normal, a genius-level minor just up and decides that he’s going to run away to Mexico or Canada to become a professional wrestler. But the genius parents decided to compromise and find him a promotion in Texas to wrestle in. At 13 years old Ace began his wrestling training led by a 45-year-old coach. Jesus… I’ve seen gay porn movies that have started like this.”
Yulia's expression turns to one of absolute disgust.
“I see you judging me.” Choi cut his eyes at Yulia. “So, 13 years old, fucking child prodigy in academics. Coming from parents who excelled in academics and are just perfectly okay with their son, who hasn’t even hit puberty yet, training to be a professional wrestler with other grown-ass men? The trainer bonded with him because the 13-year-old boy was very coachable due to his background in athletics. I feel like this whole scenario had to be a prime candidate for the To Catch A Predator television series.”
“Agreed.” Yulia moved closer to the desk.
“Ace even earned the money for training by doing chores around the house, mowing lawns, cleaning pools, and even tutoring the local idiots of his neighborhood. What kind of rich ass suburb pays like that for cleaning pools, taking out the garbage, and mowing lawns? ‘Ohhh this 13-year-old wants to get his ass beat by adults for fun? Sure, let me break the bank for that!’ Fucking hell.” Choi reaches into his pocket and pulls out his wallet.
He opens it up to find that he has nothing more than a five-dollar bill and a couple of singles inside of it. About time to hit Jace up for a raise, drugs aren’t free ya know.
“Yadda, yadda, yadda, he makes a friend who is a tape trader. At the age of 15, he and this friend, had a tryout match in front of the state commission to get their licenses and achieve that. Hold up a minute. A full state commission broke its own rules because Ace and this random person were THAT fucking good?” Choi lets the question hang in the air. “Forget the fact that it's pretty much child labor. Forget the fucking lawsuits that would go down the moment that either of them was injured or worse. Forget everything you know about the rules and laws of society as we know it. Ace Sky was SO FUCKING GOOD at professional wrestling that all fucking law and logic flew right out of the window.”
Choi sighed and then began to bang his head down repeatedly on the thick wooden desk. Yulia watched on as Choi continued to try and give himself a concussion before he raised his head into the air.
“Then in 1999 Ace made it on some fucking newsletter or something but that was into his childhood nemesis. Wait, let me say that again so it sinks in. CHILDHOOD NEMESIS named J.T. Douglas. Simmer down, Tony Stark. We called those bullies in my day.” Choi shakes his head. “But this nemesis broke the news that young Ace was selling weed and shrooms to his fellow students in college. That got him expelled from college and ruined his chances to work for NASA. Are you keeping up with the story here?”
“Absolutely not.” Yulia shook her own head.
“So, not yet legal, Ace Sky is a prodigy with a 190 IQ. He excels at everything he does from multiple sports to academics while still in diapers. Who decides that fuck all that and wants to be a professional wrestler. Gets his license to do so at 15 years old. But then gets busted for being a drug dealer in college.” Choi began to rub the bridge of his nose.
“What happened to he decided he wanted to be a wrestler for a living? Why would getting fucked out of working for NASA even matter to a person that made their career choice elsewhere? Why did Ace need to do all of these odd jobs to pay for wrestling school if he was selling drugs the entire time? How the fuck was he managing being in college still and wrestling training? Why even stay in college if you had already decided to be a wrestler full-time? MAKE IT MAKE SENSE!”
Choi exclaimed as Yulia huffed.
“So, Ace’s parents were perfectly fine with the fact that their 190 IQ genius-level child just ruined his future because he decided to be a drug dealer. 190 IQ, academics for parents, and being in a neighborhood where people had pools that needed cleaning. Ace Sky, you are not a victim of your own environment.” Choi wags his finger back and forth. “Ace moved back home, did odd jobs again for cash, and then dedicated himself to wrestling. He wrestled in the southwest in states like Arkansas, Louisiana, Oklahoma, and Utah.”
Choi stops and scrunches his face toward Yulia.
“190 IQ and was a college student but sucks ass at geography, OKAY!” Choi says sarcastically. “Living in Houston, young Ace would have to ride his Marvin The Martain designed skateboard eight hours to Galveston only to have his friend drive him to Oklahoma.” Choi rubs his hand down his face dramatically. “I can’t, I literally can’t with this shit anymore.”
Choi gets up from his chair and begins pacing back and forth in the office.
“You mean to tell me a minor is riding a skateboard… A FUCKING SKATEBOARD 8 hours from Houston to Galveston? I’m supposed to believe here in the real fucking world that a teenager is riding on busy highways on a fucking skateboard to Galveston and then… and only then gets driven the rest of the way?! And why in the name of all things yellow and chewy did it have to be a Marvin The Martian skateboard? Why is that included?! Why is that a need-to-know piece of information in this entire fucking thing?!?!?!”
Choi stops pacing and then points his index finger toward Yulia’s phone.
“I could continue on, but I feel my own IQ lowering by the second. This amazingly detailed work of fucking fiction is what Ace Sky decided to tag Jace in and said it was the ‘answers you are looking for.’ What the actual fuck? When did anyone ask about when you sat at home eating pot roast and peach cobbler? When did anyone ever ask about your Marvin The Martin skateboard? You’re a 40-year-old man that still plays on trampolines. You’re clearly a severe abuser of illegal substances, so I just have to ask. How fucking high are you to believe any of that shit you posted?!”
“How fucking high were you to think that this would be a ‘got em’ moment for in a battle of wits with Jacey? I’m a drug abuser, fucking love the stuff but even I’ve never been THAT fucking high. You keep going on about how you’re training and Jace is spending all of his time on Twitter. What has all of this training accomplished for you lately? You call yourself the hottest free agent but bud, no one knew you existed before this match was booked. I literally did not know you were even on the UPRISING roster before the Equinox II card was posted. How can you be the hottest free agent when absolutely no one is out there begging for your services? And trust me, there are some needy fucking companies out there literally begging for talent. Not a single one of them has gone and tweeted ‘we need Ace Sky’ on our roster!”
Choi takes a moment to try and calm his anger.
“Just today you came at Jace saying you were going to give him some round kicks to the legs. Did you even realize you were booked into a Japanese Deathmatch before he replied to you? I’m betting you didn’t. You’re spending SOOO much time training for this match that you’re not paying attention to what happening all around you. You keep wanting any and every person to do their research on you and acknowledge this ‘great’ career of yours, but have you done your homework on Jace? have you done anything outside training, be condescending about tweeting… IN A TWEET… and making nonsensical threats to your opponent?”
“What have you done here in 2023… hell, 2022, to make someone like Jace Parker Davidson even the slightest bit worried about you? Ooh, you’re a technical wrestler and you know a lot of submissions. A lot of good that’ll do you in a Deathmatch. Didn’t you try to humble brag that you know a million wrestling moves? Ace, you know a million moves but not a fucking one of them has won you UPRISING gold yet. It’s sooo fucking tragic I want to cry.”
Choi pulls a handkerchief from his pocket and dabs at his eyes.
“Here is the reality, Ace. You’re a lamb being led to the slaughter by Brad Jackson. You were handpicked as the person that is supposed to ‘punish’ Jace for bucking against the authority. Crystal Caldwell had the same task before you. She had to low blow Jace to get herself disqualified and escape with her life just so she’ll make it to her title shot in Japan. So, unless you plan on copping a feel on Jacey’s man sack. I suggest you walk into this Deathmatch like it’s the last match you’ll ever wrestle because it quite possibly will be. I hope you take every drug you can get your tiny little hands onto, because you’ll need it to dull the pain of what happens to you in this match.”
“Brad Jackson is sacrificing you in hopes that you can make Jace Parker Davidson stumble just slightly on his way to the top. He doesn’t believe that you, of all people, can truly stop Jace. You’re a mere random pebble on the road that Jax hopes Jacey will trip over. Unfortunately, you’re not qualified for that mission, you bootleg Sheldon Cooper wannabe motherfucker. Fuck you, and your trampolines, your skateboard that you probably still ride, and your fake ass 190 IQ, you walking, sentient, worst episode of The Big Bang Theory ever minus the actual comedy. I hope UPRISING makes you swim all the way to Japan.”
“You’re better off crawling back to whatever rock you’ve been living under before. At Equinox II, Jace is going to ram his boot so far up your ass that it’ll actually improve your shit-talking game. And then one more boot will be the end of your story, Ace. Don’t like it? I don’t care. Go meditate about it on deez nuts!”
Choi makes a motion to his crotch before raising his hand into the air to make a swiping motion across his neck. Yulia stops recording and lowers her phone.
“That went well, don’t you think?” Choi asks as he wipes the sweat from his forehead.
“As good as wasting company time ranting like a lunatic about another lunatic can go.” Yulia’s demeanor about the whole situation was less than enthusiastic.
“You’re just jealous because I won’t put out.” Choi waves his hand dismissively as Yulia throws up in her mouth a little bit. “You can go now; old Abby Choi has important matters to attend to.”
“You mean getting all the computers in the building corrupted and rendered useless because you decide to watch sketchy internet porn while at work?”
“Listen!” Choi said in protest as he took his seat behind the desk. “That was one time and honestly, Pornhub is for basics. I’m a man of culture and I have sophisticated tastes in smut. So, unless you plan on lending a hand, mouth, or any other unused body part, I suggest you leave.”
Choi begins to unbutton his pants while moving his mouse on the desk. Yulia spins on her heels and leaves the office as quickly as humanly possible as the scene fades to black.
Choi glances away from the screen and then waves his hand at Kozlova. Yulia nods her head and then reaches into her pocket to pull out her phone. She swipes her finger across the screen a few times before raising the phone into the air. She points it toward Choi who spins his chair to face her. He fusses with his hand a little bit and straightens his glasses before giving Yulia the signal to start recording.
“Welcome ladies and gentlemen, I am the one and only Abdullah Choi and this is another edition of Choi Story.”
Choi pauses for a moment and glances over at the computer screen before turning back toward Yulia.
“I think I will call this one, ‘Choi Story: How High Are You?’ because boy let me tell you. Someone has been smoking some shit and it’s affecting the brain cells.”
“You’re one to talk,” Yulia interjects.
“Hey! I make no secret about my recreational use of all kinds of drugs and other substances that may or may not be legal. If people don’t do their homework on me then it’s not my fault.” Choi says defensively.
“Whatever,” Julia replies.
“Speaking of doing homework. It seems that one Mr. Ace Sky decided to respond to what Jacey had to say the other day.” Choi raises his eyebrow. “Can I even really call it a response? I mean, it was definitely weird, but I don’t know if it can be considered responding to what the future UPRISING World Champion had to say. Either way, Mr. Sky decided to post something on the UPRISING website and then quote tweet Jacey with a link to it.”
Choi spins in his chair slightly and moves the mouse on his desk as he looks over the computer screen.
“Ace Sky is a man that seems very proud of his life here at 40 years of age. So much so, that he continuously tries to tell Jacey his life story in great detail. Whether it be in tweets or via videos on YouTube.” Choi scoffs. “Like anyone that goes to YouTube isn’t immediately going straight to the Mr. Beast videos. Come on!”
Choi throws his hands into the air aggressively to the point his glasses also fall off of his face. He composes himself and adjusts his glasses.
“Honestly, this whole thing reads like a Wikipedia page on bath salts, Bud. I don’t understand what Ace Sky is trying to accomplish here. Does he think that if he goes over his life story repeatedly that someone will want to write a book about it? Is he already looking past professional wrestling to become a NY Times bestseller?” Choi reaches up and begins to scratch his head. “Let’s just dig into this thing, shall we?”
“I’d rather not,” Yulia commented.
Choi ignores Yulia and focuses on the computer screen. He begins reading over the post again, hoping that this time it will bring more clarity than the first reading did.
“Okay I’m reading over this first little chunk here and I just have to ask… why did he go over how he was conceived? Like did we really need to know that his parents banged at Woodstock. This is coming from me of all people, I always want to know when people are banging but this feels unnecessary.” Choi scans the screen with his eyes. “Their first child was named Arlo and that means Ace is also a middle child. Their parents must have hated them but that explains a lot in the grand scheme of things.”
“Arlo sounds like the name of a dog and Ace is a playing card. Real geniuses these people are.” Yulia chimed in.
“Apparently, his father had interests in Astronomy and Astrophysics but made his focus on Experimental Physics. His mother was a Theoretical Physicist. Do not ask me why all of this was detailed or why it matters because I can’t give you an answer.” Choi chuckled a bit. “Ace was born on March 16th, 1983, and they soon discovered that he had an IQ of 190.”
Choi turned his head toward Yulia as a skeptical look covered his face.
“His IQ is higher than his weight?” Yulia asked out loud as Choi turned back toward the screen.
“At 12 years old Arlo shared his love of professional wrestling and martial arts with Ace. By his second birthday, Ace was obsessed with professional wrestling, martial arts, and outer space.” Choi takes off his glasses for a moment and rubs his forehead. “At 2 years old I was still crapping in diapers and being yelled at for trying to eat dog food. Yet, somehow, Ace had a fully functioning concept of professional wrestling, martial arts, and outer space.”
“Are you calling bullshit already?” Yulia questioned but Choi held up his index finger and went back to reading.
“Blah, blah, blah, he and his father would use telescopes and build model rockets. At 4 years old Ace started Soccer and Gymnastics. Okay, have you ever tried to get a 4-year-old to focus on something as precise and focused as Gymnastics before? I can get Soccer, he runs around, plays with grass, and gets to eat orange slices. Everyone gets home with a trophy for just showing up.” Choi’s hands get very animated as he explains. “But Gymnastics at 4 years old is a stretch, a Stretch Armstrong stretch at the very least. At 5 years old he started Taekwondo and at 6 years old amateur wrestling.”
“What was he wrestling? His soiled bed sheets?” Yulia quipped.
“At 10 years old he got his first-degree black belt in Taekwondo. He also made his backyard wrestling debut at 10 years old. So, Soccer, Gymnastics, A black belt in Taekwondo, and backyard wrestling all by age 10. When did this kid have time to wipe his own ass? His parents should have put him on Ritalin.” Choi suggested. “It says that they started out using trampolines but then moved to self-made rings. Again, I have to ask, do you know any 10-year-olds with the knowledge of how to put together a wrestling ring and have the ability to physically do it?”
Yulia shook her head no, emphatically.
“At 11 years old, it says that he was able to skip Junior and High School to head straight to State College. Not JUST as a student but as a Professor’s Assistant in Astrophysics.” Choi grunted and ground his teeth a little bit. “What kind of beautiful mind asshole does this guy think he is? An 11-year-old that went to college and accomplished becoming a Professor’s Assistant in Astrophysics. Now, you’d think if that actually happened then it would be major news, correct? On a worldwide scale, naturally. Do you remember hearing about tiny genius Ace Sky back in 1994?”
“That doesn’t ring a bell for me,” Yulia revealed.
“Same, but that’s what it says here. Yet, in a wonderful twist, young Ace decided to tell his parents that he wanted to be a professional wrestler. An 11-year-old genius in the field of intellectuals, a child that was on the fast track to winning a Noble Prize. He just up and decided, nope, I want to run away to another country to start my career of getting kicked in the face for a living.” Choi slams his hands down on the desk. “WHAT?!”
Yulia shrugs her shoulders.
“That’s totally normal, a genius-level minor just up and decides that he’s going to run away to Mexico or Canada to become a professional wrestler. But the genius parents decided to compromise and find him a promotion in Texas to wrestle in. At 13 years old Ace began his wrestling training led by a 45-year-old coach. Jesus… I’ve seen gay porn movies that have started like this.”
Yulia's expression turns to one of absolute disgust.
“I see you judging me.” Choi cut his eyes at Yulia. “So, 13 years old, fucking child prodigy in academics. Coming from parents who excelled in academics and are just perfectly okay with their son, who hasn’t even hit puberty yet, training to be a professional wrestler with other grown-ass men? The trainer bonded with him because the 13-year-old boy was very coachable due to his background in athletics. I feel like this whole scenario had to be a prime candidate for the To Catch A Predator television series.”
“Agreed.” Yulia moved closer to the desk.
“Ace even earned the money for training by doing chores around the house, mowing lawns, cleaning pools, and even tutoring the local idiots of his neighborhood. What kind of rich ass suburb pays like that for cleaning pools, taking out the garbage, and mowing lawns? ‘Ohhh this 13-year-old wants to get his ass beat by adults for fun? Sure, let me break the bank for that!’ Fucking hell.” Choi reaches into his pocket and pulls out his wallet.
He opens it up to find that he has nothing more than a five-dollar bill and a couple of singles inside of it. About time to hit Jace up for a raise, drugs aren’t free ya know.
“Yadda, yadda, yadda, he makes a friend who is a tape trader. At the age of 15, he and this friend, had a tryout match in front of the state commission to get their licenses and achieve that. Hold up a minute. A full state commission broke its own rules because Ace and this random person were THAT fucking good?” Choi lets the question hang in the air. “Forget the fact that it's pretty much child labor. Forget the fucking lawsuits that would go down the moment that either of them was injured or worse. Forget everything you know about the rules and laws of society as we know it. Ace Sky was SO FUCKING GOOD at professional wrestling that all fucking law and logic flew right out of the window.”
Choi sighed and then began to bang his head down repeatedly on the thick wooden desk. Yulia watched on as Choi continued to try and give himself a concussion before he raised his head into the air.
“Then in 1999 Ace made it on some fucking newsletter or something but that was into his childhood nemesis. Wait, let me say that again so it sinks in. CHILDHOOD NEMESIS named J.T. Douglas. Simmer down, Tony Stark. We called those bullies in my day.” Choi shakes his head. “But this nemesis broke the news that young Ace was selling weed and shrooms to his fellow students in college. That got him expelled from college and ruined his chances to work for NASA. Are you keeping up with the story here?”
“Absolutely not.” Yulia shook her own head.
“So, not yet legal, Ace Sky is a prodigy with a 190 IQ. He excels at everything he does from multiple sports to academics while still in diapers. Who decides that fuck all that and wants to be a professional wrestler. Gets his license to do so at 15 years old. But then gets busted for being a drug dealer in college.” Choi began to rub the bridge of his nose.
“What happened to he decided he wanted to be a wrestler for a living? Why would getting fucked out of working for NASA even matter to a person that made their career choice elsewhere? Why did Ace need to do all of these odd jobs to pay for wrestling school if he was selling drugs the entire time? How the fuck was he managing being in college still and wrestling training? Why even stay in college if you had already decided to be a wrestler full-time? MAKE IT MAKE SENSE!”
Choi exclaimed as Yulia huffed.
“So, Ace’s parents were perfectly fine with the fact that their 190 IQ genius-level child just ruined his future because he decided to be a drug dealer. 190 IQ, academics for parents, and being in a neighborhood where people had pools that needed cleaning. Ace Sky, you are not a victim of your own environment.” Choi wags his finger back and forth. “Ace moved back home, did odd jobs again for cash, and then dedicated himself to wrestling. He wrestled in the southwest in states like Arkansas, Louisiana, Oklahoma, and Utah.”
Choi stops and scrunches his face toward Yulia.
“190 IQ and was a college student but sucks ass at geography, OKAY!” Choi says sarcastically. “Living in Houston, young Ace would have to ride his Marvin The Martain designed skateboard eight hours to Galveston only to have his friend drive him to Oklahoma.” Choi rubs his hand down his face dramatically. “I can’t, I literally can’t with this shit anymore.”
Choi gets up from his chair and begins pacing back and forth in the office.
“You mean to tell me a minor is riding a skateboard… A FUCKING SKATEBOARD 8 hours from Houston to Galveston? I’m supposed to believe here in the real fucking world that a teenager is riding on busy highways on a fucking skateboard to Galveston and then… and only then gets driven the rest of the way?! And why in the name of all things yellow and chewy did it have to be a Marvin The Martian skateboard? Why is that included?! Why is that a need-to-know piece of information in this entire fucking thing?!?!?!”
Choi stops pacing and then points his index finger toward Yulia’s phone.
“I could continue on, but I feel my own IQ lowering by the second. This amazingly detailed work of fucking fiction is what Ace Sky decided to tag Jace in and said it was the ‘answers you are looking for.’ What the actual fuck? When did anyone ask about when you sat at home eating pot roast and peach cobbler? When did anyone ever ask about your Marvin The Martin skateboard? You’re a 40-year-old man that still plays on trampolines. You’re clearly a severe abuser of illegal substances, so I just have to ask. How fucking high are you to believe any of that shit you posted?!”
“How fucking high were you to think that this would be a ‘got em’ moment for in a battle of wits with Jacey? I’m a drug abuser, fucking love the stuff but even I’ve never been THAT fucking high. You keep going on about how you’re training and Jace is spending all of his time on Twitter. What has all of this training accomplished for you lately? You call yourself the hottest free agent but bud, no one knew you existed before this match was booked. I literally did not know you were even on the UPRISING roster before the Equinox II card was posted. How can you be the hottest free agent when absolutely no one is out there begging for your services? And trust me, there are some needy fucking companies out there literally begging for talent. Not a single one of them has gone and tweeted ‘we need Ace Sky’ on our roster!”
Choi takes a moment to try and calm his anger.
“Just today you came at Jace saying you were going to give him some round kicks to the legs. Did you even realize you were booked into a Japanese Deathmatch before he replied to you? I’m betting you didn’t. You’re spending SOOO much time training for this match that you’re not paying attention to what happening all around you. You keep wanting any and every person to do their research on you and acknowledge this ‘great’ career of yours, but have you done your homework on Jace? have you done anything outside training, be condescending about tweeting… IN A TWEET… and making nonsensical threats to your opponent?”
“What have you done here in 2023… hell, 2022, to make someone like Jace Parker Davidson even the slightest bit worried about you? Ooh, you’re a technical wrestler and you know a lot of submissions. A lot of good that’ll do you in a Deathmatch. Didn’t you try to humble brag that you know a million wrestling moves? Ace, you know a million moves but not a fucking one of them has won you UPRISING gold yet. It’s sooo fucking tragic I want to cry.”
Choi pulls a handkerchief from his pocket and dabs at his eyes.
“Here is the reality, Ace. You’re a lamb being led to the slaughter by Brad Jackson. You were handpicked as the person that is supposed to ‘punish’ Jace for bucking against the authority. Crystal Caldwell had the same task before you. She had to low blow Jace to get herself disqualified and escape with her life just so she’ll make it to her title shot in Japan. So, unless you plan on copping a feel on Jacey’s man sack. I suggest you walk into this Deathmatch like it’s the last match you’ll ever wrestle because it quite possibly will be. I hope you take every drug you can get your tiny little hands onto, because you’ll need it to dull the pain of what happens to you in this match.”
“Brad Jackson is sacrificing you in hopes that you can make Jace Parker Davidson stumble just slightly on his way to the top. He doesn’t believe that you, of all people, can truly stop Jace. You’re a mere random pebble on the road that Jax hopes Jacey will trip over. Unfortunately, you’re not qualified for that mission, you bootleg Sheldon Cooper wannabe motherfucker. Fuck you, and your trampolines, your skateboard that you probably still ride, and your fake ass 190 IQ, you walking, sentient, worst episode of The Big Bang Theory ever minus the actual comedy. I hope UPRISING makes you swim all the way to Japan.”
“You’re better off crawling back to whatever rock you’ve been living under before. At Equinox II, Jace is going to ram his boot so far up your ass that it’ll actually improve your shit-talking game. And then one more boot will be the end of your story, Ace. Don’t like it? I don’t care. Go meditate about it on deez nuts!”
Choi makes a motion to his crotch before raising his hand into the air to make a swiping motion across his neck. Yulia stops recording and lowers her phone.
“That went well, don’t you think?” Choi asks as he wipes the sweat from his forehead.
“As good as wasting company time ranting like a lunatic about another lunatic can go.” Yulia’s demeanor about the whole situation was less than enthusiastic.
“You’re just jealous because I won’t put out.” Choi waves his hand dismissively as Yulia throws up in her mouth a little bit. “You can go now; old Abby Choi has important matters to attend to.”
“You mean getting all the computers in the building corrupted and rendered useless because you decide to watch sketchy internet porn while at work?”
“Listen!” Choi said in protest as he took his seat behind the desk. “That was one time and honestly, Pornhub is for basics. I’m a man of culture and I have sophisticated tastes in smut. So, unless you plan on lending a hand, mouth, or any other unused body part, I suggest you leave.”
Choi begins to unbutton his pants while moving his mouse on the desk. Yulia spins on her heels and leaves the office as quickly as humanly possible as the scene fades to black.