Post by Her Imperial Majesty Kalinda I on Jun 24, 2022 1:28:48 GMT -5
A sinister red miasma writhes upon the blackness as cover of Sabaton's "Attack of the Dead Men" begins to play, sung by the smol salmon-skinned songstress Kalinda Kriegsdottir. A panning image over four floating islands, bound together with massive chains. One a lush jungle, one a sun-scorched wasteland, another frozen with off-white tinged ice and snow, the last hidden beneath massive banks of fog and cloud. Then a slowly zooming in cut to the Black Crusade logo.
KALINDA KRIEGSDOTTIR:
"Turmoil at the front
Wilhelm's forces on the hunt
There's a thunder in the east
It's an attack of the deceased"
A number of shadowy figures walk from the red mist, each bearing some kind of glowing object somewhere on their body. One red, one blue, one green, one brown, and one black with a red core that's the source of the billowing red miasma.
KALINDA KRIEGSDOTTIR:
"They've been facing poison gas
7,000 charge en masse
Turn the tide of the attack
And force the enemy to turn back"
There's a sudden burst of projectiles and the shadows fall, the glowing lights tumbling into a line as the background fades into blackness and a logo appears.
The logo fades and the camera zooms in towards one of the fallen shadows with equally shadowy figures rushing up and approaching them.
Kalinda Kriegsdottir, covered in bloody bandages, does her usual boneless slither upright that she does with her feet flat on the ground. She grabs the haft of the spear the nearby solider is carrying, biting down on it and shattering it to pieces with her mighty draconic jaws, grins, and then lip syncs the lyrics.
KALINDA KRIEGSDOTTIR:
"And that's when the dead men are marching again!"
The scene momentarily freezes, combatants and carnage forgotten as the Necromancer Queen continues to lip sync and does a little dance shaking her hips from side to side and throwing little short punches to the sides with her hands on level with her navel.
THE IMPERIAL NECROMANTIC CHILDREN'S CHOIR:
"Osowiec then and again
Attack of the dead, hundred men
Facing the lead once again
Hundred men
Charge again
Die again"
Text appears on the screen.
KALINDA KRIEGSDOTTIR
AS
YOUR BELOVED DRAGON OVERLORD
ARCHFIEND OF DARKNESS
Cut to a shadowy soldier reaching out to grab a hooded cloak, pulling it aside to reveal that the arrows that had been fired are stuck in a log. A swarm of bats forms into a humanoid shape, the normal lucha mask of the Spokesperson of the Black Crusade replaced by a fanged sentai helmet. They raise a ridiculously oversized energy cannon behind the confused solider's head, a malevolent gleam sparkling across the dark lenses of their mask as they do the same dance as Kalinda, but only one hand can throw short punches, as the other one is holding the massive fuck-off gun.
THE IMPERIAL NECROMANTIC CHILDREN'S CHOIR:
"Osowiec then and again
Attack of the dead, hundred men
Facing the lead once again
Hundred men
Charge again
Die again"
More text.
JIRITSU
AS
THE GENTLETHEM VAMPIRE NIGHT RANGER
ARCHFIEND OF AIR
Cut to CLIMAX, already standing up. He's got some absolutely ridiculous attire. It's like a clown ate dinner with the Lost Boys from Hook and then threw all over a theater's troupe's wardrobe. H'es got one of those Shakespearian collars that makes him look a bit like a Spitter from Jurassic Park, a sparkly skirt and vest and um… also seems to have a pastel purple horn and hooves that have been adorned with mismatched red and green horseshoes that curl up at the ends. My Little Pony by way of the Iron Sheik.
The music pauses for a moment, allowing the Crusade's Colossus to plink out a somewhat offkey rendition of the theme song as more text appears. And of course he's also shaking his hips in time to his poor musical performance.
CLIMAX
AS
PRINCESS MAGICAL FAIRY UNICORN AQUA-CHAN
ARCHFIEND OF WATER
The song continues.
KALINDA KRIEGSDOTTIR:
"Two combatants spar
Hindenburg against the Tsar
Move in 12 battalions large
Into a Russian counter-charge"
Silhouetted soldiers run over a dirt bridge dividing a pond in two, within the drainpipe one pair of glowing yellow eyes opens, then another smaller set, then several more smaller sets, and then another bigger set above them.
A trio of draconic creatures are illuminated in the darkness, two of them translucent, four-armed lizard-like humanoids with markings that resemble the attire of Katsudo and Seiki, as well as having tattered and torn pieces of their normal ring gear adorning their bodies.
The other one is a black and white colored hydra, about the size of a small dog or a large cat, her body armored with bony, chitinous white plates reminiscent of ribs, spine, and skulls.
The one with slightly larger horns grins, holding up a wallet. The hydra sticks her head in and seizes a number of bills and runs off with them, leaving the two ghostly kobolds to give chase, both of them doing the same shake and punch dance.
KALINDA KRIEGSDOTTIR:
"They'll be fighting for their lives
As their enemy revives
Russians won't surrender, no
Striking fear into their foe"
Three instances of text this time!
An explosion of fire knocks a squad of troopers off their feet as PyreBird rises into the air, wings of flame behind her, gems adorning her taloned gauntlets and a wizard's staff floating alongside her bursting with unholy light.
She opens her eyes and grins, revealing enlarged, elongated canine teeth and burning orange irises as she mouths the words of the theme, doing the same dance as the others, but in midair.
KALINDA KRIEGSDOTTIR:
"And that's when the dead men are marching again!"
PyreBird flings her hands to the sides and the forest erupts into a raging inferno as more text appears.
PYREBIRD
AS
FLUFFY VON TOEBEANS THE UWUMANCER
ARCHFIEND OF FIRE
PB looks down at her caption and rakes a claw through it, expressing her displeasure.
PYREBIRD
AS
FLUFFY VON TOEBEANS THE UWUMANCER
THE BEASTKIN ARCHMAGE
ARCHFIEND OF FIRE
We pull back out to the inferno, which is reflected in the glass eye of a camera's lens. Another camera pulls back, showing Black Crusade Cult Classic OG member Mr. Hush and his ramshackle DIY arcane video recording device, known as the Cameraviathan.
He gives it a pat and the darned thing raises into the air, showing it to be the head of a massive, hunchbacked golem made of equally mismatched patchwork rubbish.
THE IMPERIAL NECROMANTIC CHILDREN'S CHOIR:
"Osowiec then and again
Attack of the dead, hundred men
Facing the lead once again
Hundred men
Charge again
Die again"
Rather than doing the same dance of everyone else, Mr. Hush does the Robot, while the Cameraviathan follows along, perfectly in sync.
THE IMPERIAL NECROMANTIC CHILDREN'S CHOIR:
"Osowiec then and again
Attack of the dead, hundred men
Facing the lead once again
Hundred men
Charge again
Die again"
Yet more credits as Mr. Hush pulls a guitar (also a Frankensteinian abomination) and begins rocking out playing the guitar solo portion of the song.
WITH SEÑOR HUSH AND CAMERAVIATHAN
AS
THEMSELVES
DANCING MACHINE AND DANCING MACHINE
CLIMAX wanders into the scene and begins plunking along on his board of spoons and they form a line in front of the robot, all of them doing the dance for the duration of the solo.
Eventually the solo begins to wrap up and the camera zooms in on Kalinda, who sings along with the lyrics as a brilliant light begins to build in the back of her throat.
KALINDA KRIEGSDOTTIR:
"And that's when the dead men are marching again!"
Kalinda unleashes the full might of her draconic breath on camera for perhaps the first time, spraying a massive cone of flame up into the air from left to right.
THE IMPERIAL NECROMANTIC CHILDREN'S CHOIR:
"Osowiec then and again
Attack of the dead, hundred men
Facing the lead once again
Hundred men
Charge again
Die again"
"Osowiec then and again
Attack of the dead, hundred men
Facing the lead once again
Hundred men
Charge again
Die again"
And it's back to synchronized dancing, this time the Black Crusade is joined by a troop of skeleton, ghost, and zombie soldiers comprising the Imperial Necromantic Children's Choir as both the restless dead choralists and their draconic overlord sing at the same time.
KALINDA KRIEGSDOTTIR:
"And that's when the dead men are marching again, and again!
THE IMPERIAL NECROMANTIC CHILDREN'S CHOIR:
"Osowiec then and again
Attack of the dead, hundred men
Facing the lead once again
Hundred men
Charge again
Die again"
"Osowiec then and again
Attack of the dead, hundred men"
The image pulls back one again, showing a crystal ball flying in the air adorned with one bat wing and one wing that looks like it came from a very brightly colored parrot that caught whatever disease CLIMAX's wardrobe has. The ball displays the scene of the Black Crusade dancing as the camera turns to reveal a dark armored man whose wicked looking armor is edged with brilliant gold detailing and accents.
He waves his hand over the visor of his helmet, the design turning into that of a smirking devil, complete with tiny horns, pencil-thin mustache, and short goatee. Which he strokes in a most villainous fashion.
THE IMPERIAL NECROMANTIC CHILDREN'S CHOIR:
Facing the lead once again
Hundred men
Charge again
Die again"
KALINDA KRIEGSDOTTIR:
"That's when the dead march again!"
One last bit of credits before we fade to black.
AND INTRODUCING AURAN GEAS
AS
THE NARRATOR
LORD OF RANDOMNESS
And now, dear viewer, with the stage set and you filthy ghouls salivating for more, we fade to black. Leaving your wretched hungers unsated so that when you finally feast upon the Black Crusade's tantalizing tales, you will find them all the sweeter for the anticipation.
KALINDA KRIEGSDOTTIR:
"Turmoil at the front
Wilhelm's forces on the hunt
There's a thunder in the east
It's an attack of the deceased"
A number of shadowy figures walk from the red mist, each bearing some kind of glowing object somewhere on their body. One red, one blue, one green, one brown, and one black with a red core that's the source of the billowing red miasma.
KALINDA KRIEGSDOTTIR:
"They've been facing poison gas
7,000 charge en masse
Turn the tide of the attack
And force the enemy to turn back"
There's a sudden burst of projectiles and the shadows fall, the glowing lights tumbling into a line as the background fades into blackness and a logo appears.
The logo fades and the camera zooms in towards one of the fallen shadows with equally shadowy figures rushing up and approaching them.
Kalinda Kriegsdottir, covered in bloody bandages, does her usual boneless slither upright that she does with her feet flat on the ground. She grabs the haft of the spear the nearby solider is carrying, biting down on it and shattering it to pieces with her mighty draconic jaws, grins, and then lip syncs the lyrics.
KALINDA KRIEGSDOTTIR:
"And that's when the dead men are marching again!"
The scene momentarily freezes, combatants and carnage forgotten as the Necromancer Queen continues to lip sync and does a little dance shaking her hips from side to side and throwing little short punches to the sides with her hands on level with her navel.
THE IMPERIAL NECROMANTIC CHILDREN'S CHOIR:
"Osowiec then and again
Attack of the dead, hundred men
Facing the lead once again
Hundred men
Charge again
Die again"
Text appears on the screen.
KALINDA KRIEGSDOTTIR
AS
YOUR BELOVED DRAGON OVERLORD
ARCHFIEND OF DARKNESS
Cut to a shadowy soldier reaching out to grab a hooded cloak, pulling it aside to reveal that the arrows that had been fired are stuck in a log. A swarm of bats forms into a humanoid shape, the normal lucha mask of the Spokesperson of the Black Crusade replaced by a fanged sentai helmet. They raise a ridiculously oversized energy cannon behind the confused solider's head, a malevolent gleam sparkling across the dark lenses of their mask as they do the same dance as Kalinda, but only one hand can throw short punches, as the other one is holding the massive fuck-off gun.
THE IMPERIAL NECROMANTIC CHILDREN'S CHOIR:
"Osowiec then and again
Attack of the dead, hundred men
Facing the lead once again
Hundred men
Charge again
Die again"
More text.
JIRITSU
AS
THE GENTLETHEM VAMPIRE NIGHT RANGER
ARCHFIEND OF AIR
Cut to CLIMAX, already standing up. He's got some absolutely ridiculous attire. It's like a clown ate dinner with the Lost Boys from Hook and then threw all over a theater's troupe's wardrobe. H'es got one of those Shakespearian collars that makes him look a bit like a Spitter from Jurassic Park, a sparkly skirt and vest and um… also seems to have a pastel purple horn and hooves that have been adorned with mismatched red and green horseshoes that curl up at the ends. My Little Pony by way of the Iron Sheik.
The music pauses for a moment, allowing the Crusade's Colossus to plink out a somewhat offkey rendition of the theme song as more text appears. And of course he's also shaking his hips in time to his poor musical performance.
CLIMAX
AS
PRINCESS MAGICAL FAIRY UNICORN AQUA-CHAN
ARCHFIEND OF WATER
The song continues.
KALINDA KRIEGSDOTTIR:
"Two combatants spar
Hindenburg against the Tsar
Move in 12 battalions large
Into a Russian counter-charge"
Silhouetted soldiers run over a dirt bridge dividing a pond in two, within the drainpipe one pair of glowing yellow eyes opens, then another smaller set, then several more smaller sets, and then another bigger set above them.
A trio of draconic creatures are illuminated in the darkness, two of them translucent, four-armed lizard-like humanoids with markings that resemble the attire of Katsudo and Seiki, as well as having tattered and torn pieces of their normal ring gear adorning their bodies.
The other one is a black and white colored hydra, about the size of a small dog or a large cat, her body armored with bony, chitinous white plates reminiscent of ribs, spine, and skulls.
The one with slightly larger horns grins, holding up a wallet. The hydra sticks her head in and seizes a number of bills and runs off with them, leaving the two ghostly kobolds to give chase, both of them doing the same shake and punch dance.
KALINDA KRIEGSDOTTIR:
"They'll be fighting for their lives
As their enemy revives
Russians won't surrender, no
Striking fear into their foe"
Three instances of text this time!
KATSUDO | CHORUS | SEIKI |
AS | AS | AS |
MAGENTA MARINE MINION | THE MASCOT | MOSS MARINE MINION |
COLLECTIVE ARCHFIEND OF EARTH |
An explosion of fire knocks a squad of troopers off their feet as PyreBird rises into the air, wings of flame behind her, gems adorning her taloned gauntlets and a wizard's staff floating alongside her bursting with unholy light.
She opens her eyes and grins, revealing enlarged, elongated canine teeth and burning orange irises as she mouths the words of the theme, doing the same dance as the others, but in midair.
KALINDA KRIEGSDOTTIR:
"And that's when the dead men are marching again!"
PyreBird flings her hands to the sides and the forest erupts into a raging inferno as more text appears.
PYREBIRD
AS
FLUFFY VON TOEBEANS THE UWUMANCER
ARCHFIEND OF FIRE
PB looks down at her caption and rakes a claw through it, expressing her displeasure.
PYREBIRD
AS
THE BEASTKIN ARCHMAGE
ARCHFIEND OF FIRE
We pull back out to the inferno, which is reflected in the glass eye of a camera's lens. Another camera pulls back, showing Black Crusade Cult Classic OG member Mr. Hush and his ramshackle DIY arcane video recording device, known as the Cameraviathan.
He gives it a pat and the darned thing raises into the air, showing it to be the head of a massive, hunchbacked golem made of equally mismatched patchwork rubbish.
THE IMPERIAL NECROMANTIC CHILDREN'S CHOIR:
"Osowiec then and again
Attack of the dead, hundred men
Facing the lead once again
Hundred men
Charge again
Die again"
Rather than doing the same dance of everyone else, Mr. Hush does the Robot, while the Cameraviathan follows along, perfectly in sync.
THE IMPERIAL NECROMANTIC CHILDREN'S CHOIR:
"Osowiec then and again
Attack of the dead, hundred men
Facing the lead once again
Hundred men
Charge again
Die again"
Yet more credits as Mr. Hush pulls a guitar (also a Frankensteinian abomination) and begins rocking out playing the guitar solo portion of the song.
WITH SEÑOR HUSH AND CAMERAVIATHAN
AS
THEMSELVES
DANCING MACHINE AND DANCING MACHINE
CLIMAX wanders into the scene and begins plunking along on his board of spoons and they form a line in front of the robot, all of them doing the dance for the duration of the solo.
Eventually the solo begins to wrap up and the camera zooms in on Kalinda, who sings along with the lyrics as a brilliant light begins to build in the back of her throat.
KALINDA KRIEGSDOTTIR:
"And that's when the dead men are marching again!"
Kalinda unleashes the full might of her draconic breath on camera for perhaps the first time, spraying a massive cone of flame up into the air from left to right.
THE IMPERIAL NECROMANTIC CHILDREN'S CHOIR:
"Osowiec then and again
Attack of the dead, hundred men
Facing the lead once again
Hundred men
Charge again
Die again"
"Osowiec then and again
Attack of the dead, hundred men
Facing the lead once again
Hundred men
Charge again
Die again"
And it's back to synchronized dancing, this time the Black Crusade is joined by a troop of skeleton, ghost, and zombie soldiers comprising the Imperial Necromantic Children's Choir as both the restless dead choralists and their draconic overlord sing at the same time.
KALINDA KRIEGSDOTTIR:
"And that's when the dead men are marching again, and again!
THE IMPERIAL NECROMANTIC CHILDREN'S CHOIR:
"Osowiec then and again
Attack of the dead, hundred men
Facing the lead once again
Hundred men
Charge again
Die again"
"Osowiec then and again
Attack of the dead, hundred men"
The image pulls back one again, showing a crystal ball flying in the air adorned with one bat wing and one wing that looks like it came from a very brightly colored parrot that caught whatever disease CLIMAX's wardrobe has. The ball displays the scene of the Black Crusade dancing as the camera turns to reveal a dark armored man whose wicked looking armor is edged with brilliant gold detailing and accents.
He waves his hand over the visor of his helmet, the design turning into that of a smirking devil, complete with tiny horns, pencil-thin mustache, and short goatee. Which he strokes in a most villainous fashion.
THE IMPERIAL NECROMANTIC CHILDREN'S CHOIR:
Facing the lead once again
Hundred men
Charge again
Die again"
KALINDA KRIEGSDOTTIR:
"That's when the dead march again!"
One last bit of credits before we fade to black.
AND INTRODUCING AURAN GEAS
AS
THE NARRATOR
LORD OF RANDOMNESS
And now, dear viewer, with the stage set and you filthy ghouls salivating for more, we fade to black. Leaving your wretched hungers unsated so that when you finally feast upon the Black Crusade's tantalizing tales, you will find them all the sweeter for the anticipation.