Post by Deleted on Jun 10, 2022 22:40:52 GMT -5
A date stamp appears at the bottom right, but only for a brief moment.
== NOVEMBER 19th, 2021 ==
As if the scene starts without warning, a spinning blur of gray, white and green starts off with no disclaimer to those prone to motion sickness. When the scene stabilizes, we are treated to a gray-brick entrance to a large building along with what sounds like a vape pen being dragged on very loudly; almost as if it is right by the microphone catching all of the audio.
== 10:03 AM ==
[ Jeremy ]
“It’s a cross strain with Green Crack Shoes and Mavis Beacon. Want a pop?”
Ken, who is the one with the most pristine annunciation of the group, suddenly develops a southern drawl. We only see from knee-high of his khakis looking upward at his dark lavender dress shirt.
[ Ken ]
“Sir, this is the Grove City Nazarene, I’m going to have to ask you to take your typing teacher back home or at least not do that in front of the children.”
Seated in a padded chair, with his right leg in a knee immobilizer, Jeremy shrugs while still holding the dab pen.
[ Jeremy ]
“It’s cool. Ross probably drank his first beer here.”
Pacing around in a circle nearby, Ross Hanson (clad in a full black suit) adjusts his gray tie. Nearby Ross is both Graham Clauson and Rob Budai (both appearing to be the most casual formal of them all - blue jeans, dress shirt with no tie, suit jacket), who are both partaking in a cigarette.
[ Ross ]
“I did drink my first beer here.”
[ ? ]
“Actually, you drank your first beer with me.”
The camera shifts over to the door, revealing a thin man in full robe to preside over a funeral, with a short haircut and a mustache that would rival Mike Haggar.
[ Ross ]
“Pastor Mike! Vacation Bible School was awesome!”
[ Graham / Ken / Rob / Jeremy ]
“Wait, what?!”
[ Graham ]
“This is a pastor?”
[ Ken ]
“Um…this is a pastor.”
[ Jeremy ]
“This looks like a repressed pastor.”
[ Rob ]
“This pastor is fuckin’ gay as shit! I saw this dude creeping around over at the Awol the other night!”
Pastor Mike nods, replying without missing a beat.
[ Pastor Mike ]
“I’ll eat your ass and make it look like an accident.”
Jeremy, unsure how to even process all of this, stutters before he gets his next sentence out. Graham, who realizes the ridiculousness of this supposed holy man’s reply, busts out in hysterical laughter. Rob shakes his head in disbelief, almost as if he can’t believe he saw someone do something possibly revolting.
[ Jeremy ]
“Let’s just get this viewing over with. Dead bodies have a shelf life.”
Graham drops to his knees slowly, still laughing. He suddenly puts his hands together in prayer, relishing in the comedy that has apparently been blessed upon him.
[ Graham ]
“God: I swear, I’ll start going back to church if this dude can drop lines like that during service!”
[ Pastor Mike ]
“Not really. Once you drop a line, it’s hard to scrape it back up without anyone noticing.”
Graham pulls out his wallet and throws it at the pastor.
[ Graham ]
“Shut up and take my fuckin’ money!”
The pastor catches Graham’s wallet without missing a step, opening it up and pulling what looks to be three $100 bills and tossing it back to him after. Graham, still laughing, can’t even catch it as it bounces off his chest and onto the ground in front of him.
[ Pastor Mike ]
“God has no need for Plastic. Only cash or Bitcoin.”
[ Ken ]
“Um… I’m an Atheist?”
[ Pastor Mike ]
“That’s okay, no one’s perfect. Coming in?”
[ Jeremy ]
“Sure. Race you.”
As the pastor holds the door open for the rest of the group, Jeremy is left behind trying to use his crutches to stand up.
[ Graham ]
“Are you seriously all leaving me here to die of laughter?”
[ Rob ]
“Yes.”
The door closes, just as the camera enters through it.
== 10:13 AM ==
As the camera moves through the crowded room, it appears that many big names of wrestling are in attendance. Graham walks up to where Jeremy is stuck in a chair with his injured leg propped up on a footstool.
[ Graham ]
"How you holding up, J?"
[ Jeremy ]
"Not too bad. This chair seems pretty sturdy."
[ Graham ]
"Dude, you don’t have to play strong for anyone here… You knew exactly what I meant, bro."
[ Jeremy ]
"G-Man…”
A sigh from Jeremy, a small second-and-a-half pause before he continues to speak.
[ Jeremy ]
“I'm gonna be okay. I've already processed most of the regrets, still kind of feel responsible like she wouldn't be lying there in a casket dead at 34 if I'd have been a better husband to her and we hadn't gotten divorced, but I'm pretty sure that'll pass sooner or later too. If it doesn't, then I'll try to not make you come to my funeral during the holidays."
Graham holds his hand up, shaking it in a way as if he’s pushing aside the notion Jeremy has brought.
[ Graham ]
"Just…no. It isn't your fault. She got hurt and ultimately the complications of the injury cost her life. You can't blame yourself. And you can't fucking die, either. You could die on February 29th and I'd still spend every day lost without your crippled diabetic ass around."
[ Jeremy ]
"You get lost pretty good on your own, my dude.”
A chuckle between two, Graham’s although quieter. He stops chuckling before Jeremy, seemingly losing the humor in Jeremy’s statement as he quickly sniffs.
[ Jeremy ]
"Man…I miss her already."
[ Graham ]
“Don’t you start! Because you’re going to make me start, and we all know what happens with me and funerals…”
[ Jeremy ]
“Wuss. Last funeral I went to, someone stuck a bottle jack under the casket and rigged it to go off like a jack in the box. Someone. We won’t say who.”
[ Graham ]
“And you just got yourself banned from my funeral, or Ken’s, or any of my family for reminding me of that shit.”
[ Jeremy ]
“Bro, if I did that shit at your grandma’s funeral, she’d actually get out of the casket and beat me with the jack handle.”
[ Graham ]
“Abuela would’ve forced your asshole open with it before she shoved a shotgun up there and fired for that shit!”
Jeremy motions in front of Graham. The camera’s shifting focus reveals that the two former FRONTIER Tag Team Champions are staring directly at Ken Felder, Graham’s husband.
[ Ken ]
“Abuela is gonna do what now with a shotgun to who?”
[ Graham ]
“Nothing you don’t already know, dear…”
Graham seems to chuckle this off upon Ken’s approach, with Ken focusing his attention towards Jeremy.
[ Jeremy ]
"’Sup, Short Stack?"
[ Ken ]
"Glad to see you’re not hobbling around the place. Have either of you seen Ross? Jacqui and Hayley, I think that was their names? They just got here and wanted to see how he was doing."
[ Jeremy ]
"Yeah. He's with this group that flew in from South Korea. I guess Ariel is considered some kind of martial arts folk master there because of who trained her, and she was his best student."
[ Ken ]
"...um, should I be bowing in front of you or something?"
[ Jeremy ]
"Nah, but tithes are always welcome.”
[ Graham ]
“I gave the last of my on-hand cash to Pastor Mike, sorry.”
Ken looks around, almost as if he’s scouting to ensure someone is not nearby, before he quietly protests.
[ Ken ]
“More like you told him to almost ‘Joel Olsteen’ our bank account… I know you’re a recovering Catholic, but you do know that funerals are the only exception to my personal 12-Step rule involving churches, right?”
[ Jeremy ]
“Well, unfortunately Longhorn Steakhouse was full, so we had to do the funeral here.”
Graham chuckles at this, Ken looking at him as if this could be in poor taste.
[ Graham ]
“You forget that this family deals with their pain in humor, huh?”
[ Ken ]
“I remember, but still not the healthiest way to deal with it…”
[ Jeremy ]
“But, seriously; go find the large crowd of them. Ross walked in like two and a half hours ago, and 30 teenage boys and girls straight up bowed to him, all at the same time like they spent three months practicing! They're all carrying wreaths and shit. They're all giving him ceremonial gis. They treated Ross like he was royalty. Then they all just left somewhere around here…they didn't stay to talk to anyone else."
Graham’s brow furls slightly, scanning around the room.
[ Graham ]
"Speaking of, how did he take it?"
[ Jeremy ]
"I haven't seen him since."
A brief and awkward silence follows this. A glance around the room reveals no sign of any foreign dignitaries.
[ Ken ]
"Let me see if I can go find him."
[ Lil' Man ]
"Hang on, I'm-a comin'!"
Lil’ Man is so loud, his voice causes audible reverb.
[ Jeremy ]
“Dude! Not so loud! We didn’t even see you and we could hear you!”
[ Ken ]
"Okay, come on Lil' Man."
Graham’s face begins to flush, looking over to Jeremy.
[ Graham ]
"Uh…I'm going with them. I think I see my ex-wife coming over here towards you and I don't feel like having that conversation."
[ Jeremy ]
"Yeah, if you told anyone in UPRISING you used to be straight that shit would blow your gimmick quicker than a cat chasing a crack rock."
It’s already too late, as Graham’s ex-wife and ex-broadcast partner Gina Winters almost teleports into view standing by Jeremy. Not even Ken and Lil’ Man got to escape.
[ Gina ]
"...hey, J."
[ Graham ]
“Ah, shi-”
[ Jeremy ]
"God damn, son! I think I had hair the last time I saw you! Hang on…it takes me 45 minutes to stand up these days…thank you for coming. It means a lot to us."
With a full knee immobilizer on, and refusing help from anyone, it does take Jeremy quite some time to get to his feet…but he does get there, immediately hugging Gina. Ken, appearing to realize that things are about to get awkward, cringes as he waves towards the camera with a non-verbal “Nope!” He slowly slinks out of view, leaving his husband to fend off his ex-spouse on his own.
[ Gina ]
"Of course. What’s with the whole…"
[ Jeremy ]
“Just had to get a hip and a knee replaced the first of this year. No worries. I’ll be out of this thing by Christmas…but my days in the ring are over.”
As Jeremy begins the descent back to his chair (which takes much less time) the two ex-lovers and divorced couple look each other in the eye for the first time since their final court hearing.
[ Gina ]
"...hey, Graham."
[ Graham ]
"Hi, Gina."
[ Lil' Man ]
"Uncle Graham! We're gun' lose Uncle Ken! I don’t wanna get lost!"
[ Graham ]
"You know how to download a map of this place on Google. Don't act like you need my supervision. Speaking of which, where the fuck did my short bald-headed wookie go to?"
[ Lil' Man ]
"Well, I reckoned you just said you didn't want to talk to your ex-wife!"
Gina, catching this, covers her mouth with her hand in effort to cover her grin from view. Graham looks like his soul is trying to escape out of his eyes.
[ Jeremy ]
"I am so proud of you, Mini-Human. You're just as smart as Grandpa."
[ Lil' Man ]
"I'm smarter, I wouldn't have divorced Grandma!"
Gina cannot hold laughter back any longer, finding the youngest spawn of the Szalinski lineage to be nothing less than a humorous walking homage of his grandfather, to be humorous.
[ Jeremy ]
"Someone, please take Neil DeSmartass Tyson aside…."
A hand reaches out, covering the camera.
== 10:19 AM ==
When the camera is uncovered, the trio of Graham, Gina and Jeremy are now seated in a semi-circle (Jeremy doesn’t have much choice in his seating arrangements.)
[ Gina ]
“So… Lots of changes, huh? Seems you’ve had a pretty good turn-around since we split, hmm?”
Graham smiles with eyebrows raised, answering affirmatively without verbalization. It is beyond clear that Graham does not want to be having any form of conversation with his ex-spouse.
[ Gina ]
“I wouldn’t have guessed you for the ‘bald and rugged’ type… Go you.”
[ Graham ]
“You’re trying to make this as awkward as you can, aren’t you?”
[ Gina ]
“Guilty.”
Both chuckle from this, Jeremy just watching Graham squirm within his own skin.
[ Gina ]
“Well, we pretty much were together every second of the day for almost five years.”
[ Graham ]
“Like you don’t feel odd about standing here knowing that my spouse is twenty feet across the room.”
[ Gina ]
“Oh, I would’ve liked to know you liked your bread buttered, too… But, hey, that’s life.”
[ Graham ]
“Um, like you didn’t know that already? I wasn’t just tush for push, I actually enjoyed Brydon’s company.”
Gina seems surprised, but not too much as she seems to shrug it off with a stifled “Eh.”
[ Graham ]
“Until I was pretty much the equivalent of a Pat Patterson ring boy, and then when people got smartened up to it, Darren beat the brakes off Brydon in the bathroom of a Panera Bread two weeks later while Ariel watched the door and Jeremy paid off the cops when they got called.”
[ Jeremy ]
“Now that is a name I miss hearing. Darren Hughes. Eleven years and that shit still stings.”
Graham, hearing Darren’s name, appears to break the conversation with a verbal sledgehammer - quiet, direct, and annoyed.
[ Graham ]
“Look. Are you here to reminisce? Are we here to snipe at me like a jilted lover? Or are you here for Ariel? Because I’m really not in the mood to walk down memory lane with my ex-wife who left me because she decided that her career path was way more important than we were.”
Jeremy, confused, by Graham’s sudden turn of mood, looks away as he huffs under his breath.
[ Jeremy ]
“All I said was I miss Darren, God damn son…”
[ Gina ]
“Whoa, there, tiger! No need to get huffy! Didn’t realize you’d be so touchy… I figured you would’ve been over all of that and known I’m just busting your chops.”
[ Graham ]
“Well, if we’re keeping score, there is the whole thing with you calling me up and screaming my head off when you found out that I was dating Ken…”
Gina laughs, appearing to continue, but Graham speaks over her.
[ Graham ]
“While he and I were going at it!”
[ Jeremy ]
“See, real homies just walk in and grab the USB charger they came to borrow, and nobody sees or hears any gay sex.”
[ Gina ]
“In defense, you’re the first guy I’ve turned gay, so that’ll turn any girl crazy.”
Upon hearing this statement, Graham turns his head towards Jeremy, then towards Gina. Trixie Mattel would be proud.
[ Graham ]
“Oh, honey… You never ‘turned’ anyone! Look at the previous generation…”
Gesture towards Rob, who appears to be having a bit of a long conversation with Larry Gowan off in the distance, which causes Gina to gasp. Jeremy has to squint to see who they are talking about, and once he does his eyes bug open wide.
[ Graham ]
“If Rob is gay, and I have gone back to men, this shit’s apparently genetic.”
Graham stops for a moment, seemingly still very uncomfortable overall.
[ Graham ]
“I’m hoping that they’re just talking shop. Rob claims he’s gone out since we lost Dale, but I know that’s bullshit. I guess it’s good he’s able to hold a conversation without losing it right now.”
Gina nods her head, before gasping slightly.
[ Gina ]
“Oh, God… If he’s been cooped up at home…ew, I hope they don’t end up behind her casket doing it!”
[ Graham ]
“Um, that’s your ex in-law you’re talking about. You know he has the balls to do it in front of everyone, right in front of the casket!”
[ Jeremy ]
“What the fuck? Is that who I fuckin’ think it is? God damn Twilight Zone up in this motherfucker. This is why I hate funerals. Everyone always winds up fuckin’ afterwards to relieve stress.”
Gina snorts trying to stifle laughter.
[ Gina ]
“And why did we ever drift apart again?”
[ Graham ]
“Because I wanted to be with someone who looked like the inspiration for X-Men’s Beast, I don’t know…”
Jeremy opens a fresh Cherry Ale-8 in the glass bottle, having hidden a six pack under his chair. The camera quickly pans down under the chair, revealing a second six pack with six empty bottles.
[ Gina ]
"So what, you couldn't get your tag team partner to switch teams too?"
Graham turns away, his eyes clearly tearing up from laughter, while Jeremy spits out the sip of Cherry Ale-8 into the lily white carpet.
[ Graham ]
“He stuck his dick in Laurel Anne Hardy, and Ariel. Hard…fucking…pass.”
[ Jeremy ]
"God damn it. There went 1500 bucks to the steam cleaner. "
[ Graham ]
“And where in the fuck did you get the Ale-8? The doctor and my pimp backhand told you no, bruh.”
[ Jeremy ]
"But my body…my body is telling me yes!"
Graham steps over and snatches the bottle from Jeremy’s grasp.
[ Graham ]
“And the prison warden is telling your bitch ass ‘Naw’ with an emphasis on the ‘Hell’ that precedes it. Do you understand what I’m saying, or do I need to call Abuela? Because you know she wants to put a bullet in your good knee because it’ll make her dusty-ass crawlspace moist.”
Jeremy, head slightly down and eyes looking upwards at Graham, rubs his hands like a scolded child.
[ Jeremy ]
"No señor, no problemos aquí."
[ Gina ]
“Oh, good God, she did flash a gun at him repeatedly on Thanksgiving the one year we did go to your Abuela’s…”
[ Jeremy ]
"She picked the one time I didn’t have mine on me, too. Go figure, I wanted to respect the little old Catholic woman and not bring a gun in the house."
[ Gina ]
"Wait, go back a second. You and Laurel Anne? For real? When did that happen?"
[ Graham ]
"They did a three way in FRONTIER, and not a match. I guess that was the first time Jay ever did coke."
[ Jeremy ]
"That was the last time I did coke, too.”
Graham looks at Jeremy as if he offended that he is willingly concealing additional information.
[ Graham ]
“Until you smoked crack on camera!”
[ Jeremy ]
“Stayed up three days and had to crush two green beans and suitcase them just to calm down and work a match. Then I took another four, and they all kicked at the same damn time as soon as I walked up to Gorilla. It was 6:05 Eastern live on the SuperSoma. It really should have been me in that fucking casket, not her."
[ Gina ]
“So… Let’s go over the listing. Within the last two years: my ex-husband admits he prefers and married a dude, Jeremy was legally dead and is sober for the most part now, Rob and Graham’s rival are now shtupping, Jeremy somehow has a grandson… wait, Jeremy somehow has a son…?! Wait, aren’t you sterile?!”
[ Graham ]
"Ha! Clearly not back in ‘99."
Jeremy stammers slightly at first as he begins to try to explain the situation.
[ Jeremy ]
“It was my first girlfriend, I was banging my trainers’ little sister and I got her pregnant when I was 14 and she was 15. Neither of us believed in abortion and we knew we couldn’t be good parents. We thought adoption was best. We were wrong.”
[ Graham ]
“Yeah, she Prom-Night-Dumpster-Baby’d Ross and you all lived happily ever after.”
[ Jeremy ]
“Well, except for Ross.”
Graham’s head tilts as he looks at Jeremy with false judgment.
[ Graham ]
“Hmm. Choices…”
[ Jeremy ]
“And until you have to make them yourself, you won’t understand.”
[ Gina ]
“Um, okay. Anything else I’m missing?”
Graham continues to look at Jeremy for a brief moment, almost as if they are communicating silently.
[ Graham ]
“Okay, fine…”
Graham hangs his head, and he looks right at Gina with what could only be described as guilt in his eyes.
[ Graham ]
“I’m pregnant!”
And without hesitation…
[ Jeremy ]
"And it's my baby!"
Graham looks at Jeremy.
[ Graham ]
“Couldn’t keep that under wraps, could you?!”
[ Jeremy ]
“Not my fault everyone knows you're the wife in the relationship.”
Laughter amongst the trio, but at this point Ken has walked back up and appears to be ready to try to save his husband from further social discomfort.
[ Ken ]
“About time you admitted you two were smooshing! I had a feeling I was entering a thruple when I married you!”
[ Graham ]
“Fucking bat ears!”
Ken puts his arm around Graham from behind as he continues to speak.
[ Graham ]
“Funny thing is, Abuela actually likes Jay… She just doesn’t know how to appropriately ask him if he wants to go to the shooting range with her. But…may as well keep the fear in his heart in case I ever need an Ace to pull.”
[ Jeremy ]
"And the chicken birria tacos in my stomach. We really need to buy her a nice flat top for Christmas."
[ Gina ]
"So please tell me you're not dating Maddie McTaggert, Jay…"
Graham seems to pantomime the idea of puking in his own mouth at the mention of the former X3W competitor…and another one of Graham’s exes. Boo, you whore.
[ Jeremy ]
"No. I pissed off my last girlfriend because I still had feelings for the chick in the casket. I think it's best that from now on I just fuck and leave before she finds out I still have money in the bank."
[ Gina ]
"Well, at least you don't change your Kinsey Scale rating every time your last relationship went sour.”
Gina looks at Graham, giving him ‘the eye’. Ken actually finds humor in his, seemingly tightening his grip on Graham as he stifles laughter himself.
[ Gina ]
“Maddie, Brydon, me, then Kenny here… Once one sex spurned you, you somehow are miraculously attracted to the other set of genitals. Maybe we should discuss that if we’re bringing up ol’ Balloon-Tits, hmm?”
Graham looks towards Ken with his eyes widened, Ken looking up at him and seemingly realizing that he’s starting to nearly bearhug Graham’s ribs with one arm and it’s starting to dig in. Ken silently mouths “Sorry” as he grimaces himself, releasing.
[ Graham ]
“It’s a 4-and-a-half. Always has been. Homies over hoes, I guess.”
[ Jeremy ]
"Anymore man, the homies are the hoes. I tried to look at Todrick Tabor's Twitter page and when I turned my head and glanced in the mirror I was wearing eyeshadow."
[ Graham ]
“And did you feel fierce, darling?”
Jeremy hangs his head slightly.
[ Jeremy ]
“…yes. Ashamedly fabulous."
Laughter amongst the group.
[ Gina ]
“I just wish that we were all meeting up in much better circumstances. Last I heard from Ariel was about a year ago… I guess, even with the changes, maybe I wish we all could’ve all been better to each other even when the cameras were off? I don’t know how else to say it.”
[ Jeremy ]
"We were young, we didn't know any better. And Graham and I kind of acted like tough guys. I just didn't know when to turn it off. Maybe we brought that Shoot Kings gimmick home with us. Maybe it wasn't even a gimmick. I just wish I had the chance to apologize to her the way I can both of you."
[ Graham ]
“Maybe the one apologizing should be me. Shit, if this were a couple months ago, it may have been me in a casket before we were all here, and none of this would be being said.”
A brief moment of silence passes between the group, Graham actually tearing up.
[ Graham ]
“We spent half a decade together, three of them pretty much joined at the hip at all times. The three of us, and Ariel. If we weren’t traveling, we were in the ring or trying to get people to give us even a minute of their time.”
A pause… Graham stops, trying to catch his breath to continue speaking.
[ Graham ]
“We all fucking lived in the same house together! Shit, maybe we did truly live in the kayfabe… Even though things did go the way they did, this…this is all so fucked up… Ariel didn’t deserve any of this to happen to her…”
At this point, Graham isn’t able to hold back and begins to sob. He squats down, clearly trying to stop it from continuing. Ken kneels down, embracing Graham. Oddly enough, the wuss breaking into tears brings Gina and Jeremy to their emotional breaking point. Ken is left silently trying to keep them all from not getting this out in the open - even Gina.
[ Jeremy ]
"You know the weird part? After we split up, her career really took off. She had a good run in OCW. She won the world title in MMA, in GCC. She was a double champion in Action Wrestling. When the Alzheimers and the CTE hit, I knew she wasn't herself anymore. But at the same time, when I watched all those matches and fights and saw her kicking ass, it hit me. I held her down. My bullshit held her back from being a better person. "
Jeremy looks at Graham.
[ Jeremy ]
"I can think of somebody else I did that to, too."
Graham shakes his head, his eyes reddened and inflamed - the man was close to ugly crying, and his eyes aren’t hiding it.
[ Graham ]
“No… No, you’re not to blame for any of that. I was just as much a participant in all of that, so there is blame to toss onto anyone’s shoulders. I’m sure that I’m going to shove my own foot in my mouth plenty more times, so don’t you try to blame my shit on you.”
[ Jeremy ]
"I'm not. I'm being honest. My mistakes cost just about everyone in this room something at some point. This room is full of people who paid the price for something I did. And Ariel’s the crown jewel of my fuck ups. I failed her as a husband, what little faith I have left in God makes me feel ashamed. I…I just don't want to deal with this again. I don't want to be the cause for anyone's problems."
[ Gina ]
“As stereotypical as it is to throw one’s ex-spouse under the bus, I have to agree with him that everyone in this room equally paid the price with you because they were involved. That’s the business, no matter how much we try to deflect and deny it.”
[ Graham ]
“Aww… Hate you, too, bitch.”
Graham smiles, Gina sticks her tongue out at Graham. Clearly, this hatred was communicated with actual love as the mood amongst the group visibly lightens.
[ Gina ]
“At this point, what has happened is what has happened. Jeremy, you’re clearly in much better mind and spirit than you were years ago, so maybe the tribulations are what shaped you. Maybe that would be what Ariel would want you to remember, at least I would hope…”
She then turns towards Graham.
[ Gina ]
“As for Beardo, here… She was so glad she didn’t have to deal with him calling her a two-cent whore anymore, like he did every day from the time you two split up to the divorce proceedings, and after the divorce proceedings, and every time she saw him...”
She can’t help but chuckle slightly, having directly witnessed Graham’s diatribes of how horrible and sexually taboo he viewed Ariel to be after her “betrayal” to his best friend.
[ Gina ]
“She was honestly happy that Ken was the guy who calmed your ass down…”
Gina looks towards Ken, and nods towards him.
[ Gina ]
“...I am too.”
Seizing an opportunity, Ken walks over to Gina and hugs her for a brief moment.
[ Gina ]
“Thanks for not thinking I’m just the psycho ex-wife.”
[ Ken ]
“You are the psycho ex-wife, but that’s okay, he’s mine to kill for life insurance now.”
Both can’t help but laugh, Ken walking back over to Graham.
[ Jeremy ]
"Ariel earned that title, especially after the laundromat and the cop's eyeball getting ripped out…"
[ Graham ]
“Yeah, and that stopped that ‘whore’ shit immediately. Nature got scary after that moment, turned into that scene from The Kingsmen but in real life.”
[ Gina ]
"Okay. You've got some explaining to do."
[ Jeremy ]
"All right. Let me just grab a drink first…"
Jeremy reaches under his chair and pulls another Cherry Ale-8 from the 6-pack. As Jeremy begins to twist the cap, Graham steps over and grabs the remaining 6-pack from under Jeremy’s chair. He also then snags the bottle right out from Jeremy’s hands, causing a bit to spill on his face.
[ Graham ]
“You’re about to need some milk!”
[ Jeremy ]
"Almond please. I'm lactose intolerant. Too much chocolate Yoo-Hoo and Captain Morgan back in my UTA days."
[ Graham ]
“Shut up and fill her in, I’m going to trash this shit and get you some good, clean, cold, basic WATER.”
[ Ken ]
“And I’m going to go try to find Ross again, I was hoping he’d have floated back in here by now.”
Graham and Ken walk away, Graham with the 6-pack still in his possession. Jeremy flips Graham off the whole time, while trying to reach for a bottle. Gina just shakes her head as she crosses her arms, silently scolding Jeremy herself - good ol’ times!
[ Jeremy ]
"Yeah, yeah, it's for my own good. Okay, so the laundromat on Ridge Avenue… yeah, that laundromat…"
== 10:51 AM ==
From a distance, the camera almost wants to hide as it records the following exchange taking place mere feet from Ariel’s casket.
[ Ken ]
"Where you been? We haven't been able to find you."
[ Ross ]
"Guess you didn't look hard enough…"
[ Ken ]
"It's your mother's funeral. I figured you'd be close by…"
[ Ross ]
"She's still dead no matter where I stand in here. Doesn't matter."
[ Ken ]
"People want to see you. You are her only son."
[ Ross ]
"How fortunate. She waited until I made 600K a year to claim me. Couldn't have shown up when I ate out of trash cans when I should have been in fifth grade math class, that would have just been too convenient."
[ Ken ]
"Ross, I don't know why your dad kept you a secret from everyone. But if Ariel had known about you, she would have dropped everything to be a mother to you. I know that for a fact. She's told us as much."
[ Ross ]
"I guess Dad was just ashamed of me, kind of like how Graham is of him."
[ Ken ]
"Will you stop that? He's not ashamed of your father, so please. Stop. Graham…he just wants to make it on his own. Your dad accepts that, and he's done as much as he can to help out."
Ross speaks with clear sarcasm.
[ Ross ]
"Yeah. Dad really helped him over in FIGHT and Outlaw Pro. I can see how his managerial skills catapulted Graham to superstar status.”
A moment of silence.
[ Ross ]
The only person who never lied to me and always told me how it was, is Mom. And now she's not here anymore to remind me."
[ Ken ]
"You think we've lied to you? Please explain to me how I’ve lied to you, in any way, Ross."
[ Ross ]
"Last time I checked, I wasn't being booked or hired to go on the road with Graham. So yes. I feel lied to. But right now, I don't care about that. I just want this fucking day over and done with. Put Mom in the ground so I don't have to look at her fucking corpse anymore and I can go drink a half gallon of Johnny Walker. That's where my mind is right now. I just want to get the shitty memories out of my head."
[ Ken ]
"Are you sure you're not mad at us?"
[ Ross ]
"Yeah. I'm just hurt and acting out. I'm sorry."
[ Ken ]
"No. I understand completely."
[ Ross ]
"Do you? I'll be back in a bit. Lawyer wants to talk to me. I guess Mom wanted her will read during the funeral itself."
[ Ken ]
"She must want to watch us all fight over her estate from Heaven."
[ Ross ]
"I honestly don't doubt that."
Just as Ross and Ken glance towards the camera, the scene abruptly cuts out.
== 12:22 PM ==
The final scene is that of a big projection screen, with a video being played back. Sitting at a lawyer’s desk is the late Ariel Shadows, long before her rapid mental decline.
[ Ariel ]
"Okay. It's 1:32 in the afternoon. The date is February 12, 2021. My legal name is Ariel Anne Shadows. Yes, Shadows was my legal last name. I say ‘was’, because by the time anyone watches this, I'll be dead. A couple years ago, I had a very stiff match with Hayley Robinson, the Raven. We beat the fuck out of each other. Only she woke up the next day and I woke up three weeks later. I had severe injuries to my brain. Hayley, if you're here…this was not your fault. Don't ever think that it was. We are warriors. We know that every time we get in the ring could be our last. You did your job. I'm so proud of you for beating me. Over time, I found out the damage was permanent. I was going to develop Alzheimer's. I most likely have CTE, which they're going to check my brain when I die. I could die in a month, a year, or 10 years from now. But before I died, I would completely forget who I was. I would forget everything about myself…until one day when I would literally forget how to breathe. This was my fate."
Ariel shuffles through a small stack of papers in front of her, talking as she looks for a certain page.
[ Ariel ]
"Before that happens, I have some loose ends to tie up. First and foremost. Jeremy. You never stopped loving me for a second, and I never stopped loving you. I get that you didn't want me to suffer along with you, when you found out about the lung tumor. But my place was at your side. I shouldn't have left you, even if you're the one who told me to do it. I abandoned you when you needed me most, and I failed to fight for you when you needed me to. I failed as a wife. I'm sorry. Please forgive me. And please, if you haven’t done it by now…get the damn surgery and get your leg fixed. You’ll be a lot happier when you’re in less pain. It’ll be worth it.”
Ariel uses her index finger to scan along the paper, looking for the next part.
[ Ariel ]
"Graham…Ken…Ross is in your hands now. Please watch over him like I never could. He never had a chance at a childhood. Please make sure that Jebediah gets that chance. Mamaw loves you, brat!"
Ariel stops moving, and a play icon appears over her. The silhouette of Graham is seen standing up, against the frozen video.
[ Graham ]
“Pause the goddamn tape!”
The head turns back to look into the crowd, and the camera now faces Graham.
[ Graham ]
“Ross. Lil’ Man’s legal name is Jebe-fucking-diah? What Amish shit were you drinking?”
Ross throws his hands up, while everyone is now watching them instead of the screen.
[ Ross ]
“Hey, don’t fucking look at me like that. Kid’s mom’s folks are Jehovah’s Witnesses. If I’d have known I would have just jacked off that night bub. Please believe.”
[ Graham ]
“And this is why condoms exist. No offense, Lil’ Man.”
[ Lil’ Man ]
“What’s a condom?”
A few gasps, a few giggles.
[ Jeremy ]
“It’s a water balloon for your pecker, son.”
All of the adults look directly at Jeremy as if he’s lost his mind by explaining what any birth control is to a child.
[ Lil’ Man ]
“Ohh…. Okay!”
Jebediah…no, I am the narrator and I’m not even calling him that. Lil’ Man just nods in understanding. Jeremy, annoyed with this, stands up and hobbles over to the television and presses play on the video player.
[ Ariel ]
"Why the fuck am I crying? That's what everyone watching this is supposed to be doing, but you’re all likely tossing someone’s cash-poor wallet around like a hot potato and making condom jokes. Love you all, too, you assholes."
Ariel chuckles as she chokes up, but she takes a breath. Lil’ Man pops in just at the right moment before Ariel continues to speak in her message.
[ Lil’ Man ]
“It’s like she knew!”
[ Ariel ]
“I know all of you! I know!”
Nostradamus much, dead girl?
[ Ariel ]
“So, part of this whole making a will thing is trying to realize when you’ve fucked up and doing your best to fix it. Four years ago, I fucked up. I punched my friend Molly Cyrus in the throat during a barfight over something stupid. I had Graham wanting to literally beat my ass for months over it, and to be honest, he had all the right to want to exact a form of vengeance for it. She was…is, a friend of ours. I took her voice. She can’t talk because of me. She couldn’t wrestle anymore because of me. Molly, I can’t give you your career back, or the years of your life you’ve lost. But there is one thing I can give you, thanks to some fancy new technology and me being willing to pay to have us both smuggled to a country that will let us do this crazy type of surgery. But I am an organ donor. I will save lives, my eyes are going to give someone back their sight. And Molly, when I die, I’m giving you back your voice. It might sound like mine to an extent, but it’ll eventually be yours in full. Sorry won’t cover it. I don’t deserve forgiveness. And this isn’t the time to ask for it. When the time comes, you’ll be given everything you need. One day, you’ll be able to tell your story. Tell it how you want, not how anyone else thinks you should.”
Finally, Ariel has reached the end of her statements and is prepared to make her final one.
[ Ariel ]
"Ross. Last but not least. You are my son, not by blood but still mine regardless. I was so angry at first, when your aunt had you dressing up like your dad all those years ago. But now…now I can't help but see your father in you. You can do anything you set your mind to. You can accomplish anything you want. You can be a World Champion again. All you have to do is get up and fight for it. I'm sure you all know, I got a pretty sizeable chunk out of the divorce. I made a lot of money in GCC and Action. What's going to happen is this: Ross, you will receive $1000 a month until Jeb turns 18. When that happens, you'll both get $1000 a month. I set aside a million dollars for this. The rest of my money will go to charities. There's too many to list. But hopefully I can help other kids from growing up the way you did, Ross. Hopefully I can give you the peace of mind knowing you have some form of steady income. I knew if I just gave you a million at once you'd blow it in three months. This way, you'll always be able to keep a roof over Lil' Man's head and have a steady base to find meaningful employment. Get a job, and live a normal life. Isn't that all you ever wanted as a child? A normal life? Now you have a chance at one, Ross. I couldn't raise you as a mother, this is the only thing I can do for you now. Ross, I love you."
After a couple moments, Ariel puts hands on the desk as if to stand up.
[ Ariel ]
"Okay. That just about covers it. I will see you all again on the other side."
When her video ends, so does the one you are watching.
Writers' Log: This was a collaborative effort. We are sorry for the wall of text, but we felt this would help give some further backstory involving Graham Clauson and Ross Hanson, and also tie up some loose ends involving the retirement of the Ariel Shadows character overall. Hope you enjoyed! If you didn't, sorry, but more will be coming...
Writers' Log: This was a collaborative effort. We are sorry for the wall of text, but we felt this would help give some further backstory involving Graham Clauson and Ross Hanson, and also tie up some loose ends involving the retirement of the Ariel Shadows character overall. Hope you enjoyed! If you didn't, sorry, but more will be coming...