Post by Deleted on Mar 26, 2022 16:09:14 GMT -5
THIS IS GONNA DRAGON
(ON CAMERA PROMOTIONAL VIDEO)
We open the scene in a lavish-looking hotel room. Camilla Pazzini is sitting in an armchair, whereas Isabella is laid out across a sofa, tapping away at her cellphone like a bored angsty teenager tweeting about woke shit.
CAMILLA PAZZINI
Sis?
Isabella waves her free hand, causing Camilla to roll her eyes.
CAMILLA PAZZINI
Whatever. We’re a few hours out from facing the Black Crusade Worldwide for the UPRISING Tag Team Championships. Yes, they are still the champions. No, I don’t know how either. They have this whole rotational business going on, which as far as I can see, rather defeats the purpose of a tag team championship... but when it comes to the BCW, I guess that’s the least of the weird shit. Following all that crap with Swine Flew and now this, if we win the belts, we’ll probably need to hire a priest to do an exorcism on the damn things. I don’t really understand dragons, pigs, minions or any of that stupid fucking shit. I understand punching things in the face and spearing them into oblivion; and it doesn’t matter whether you’re a pig, a minion, a dragon or a suspicious chicken named Geoff... if I hit you hard enough, you are going down and staying down and that’s the end of it no clucking way!
ISABELLA PAZZINI (NOT LOOKING UP)
Aren’t chickens female?
CAMILLA PAZZINI
It’s 2022, and we don’t judge. But when we’re through with the Black Crusade Worldwide, whichever two decide to show up, it will be THEM laying an egg. Because this is a joke that’s run its course, and isn’t funny anymore, if it ever was. They’re just annoying. UPRISING deserves Tag Team Champions that people actually give a damn about. Wrestling royalty if you will.
ISABELLA PAZZINI
Mm-hmm.
Camilla turns to glare at her sister.
CAMILLA PAZZINI
Why are you being all aloof and acting like you don’t give a shit?
ISABELLA PAZZINI
Was just putting myself in your shoes for a change, seeing what all the fuss was about.
CAMILLA PAZZINI
Ha... Ha. You bloody talk, you enjoy doing it enough.
Isabella puts her phone down, but doesn’t sit up.
ISABELLA PAZZINI
Black Crusade Worldwide... led by a dragon, huh?
CAMILLA PAZZINI
Kalinda, yes.
ISABELLA PAZZINI
Not much of a dragon. She has what... three minions? I’ve beaten dragons who had way more minions than that. In a lumberjack match. With the minions as lumberjacks. I beat the dragon. By hitting it with the minions.
CAMILLA PAZZINI
ALL of the minions?
ISABELLA PAZZINI
Nah, it went down after like fourteen or so. Minions are always expendable anyway. You just kinda swing them around and use them to cause collateral damage.
Camilla blinks.
CAMILLA PAZZINI
What... the actual fuck are you blithering on about?
ISABELLA PAZZINI
Minions. Swing them right round, baby right round. If the dragon’s small enough, you can swing it around too, they have tails for that very purpose. Probably best to wear gloves though, don’t want them slipping out.
CAMILLA PAZZINI
Are you drunk?!
ISABELLA PAZZINI
Look, we’re almost a month away from St. George’s Day. Now St. George, he killed a dragon with a sword. And while Camilla & I don’t have any swords, I have a hammer and Camilla has a spear, and those will do just fine I feel.
CAMILLA PAZZINI
And the minions...?
ISABELLA PAZZINI
I told you. Swing your minion from side to side, throw him face first into a wall. Or her. Or it. The point is, we fling the minions, destroy the dragon, then we get the championships and the kisses from the princesses.
CAMILLA PAZZINI
I’m spoken for.
ISABELLA PAZZINI
That’s okay, I can handle your princess as well. So that’s that. Black Crusade Worldwide: Tweedledumb, Tweedledumpster & Tweedledumbfuck, I’m sure you’ve enjoyed your reign, and the dragon’s reign before it... but I haven’t been a champion in weeks, and I’m bored of it, so hey-ho, casualties have to be made, I suppose.
CAMILLA PAZZINI
So we’re gonna beat the fuck out of whomever shows up, and win those belts. Finally we’re getting to the damn point.
ISABELLA PAZZINI
I mean sure... but Kalinda had better be part of the match. I want to face the one who’s actually relevant. I mean, what good is winning the titles if we just beat the minions? EVEN the Jumping Blonde Angels could probably manage that.
CAMILLA PAZZINI
Who are they?
ISABELLA PAZZINI
Exactly. So fly unto us, peewee little dragon, and bring two minions, three minions, eleventy-two minions, it matters not a jot. What matters is simply this, as soon as the zebra looks the other way, one of you fuckers is getting your skull caved in with a hammer. So then you can fly off back to neverneverland and let the ACTUAL wrestling legends carry this division.
CAMILLA PAZZINI
Good. They are literally my least favourite thing in this world with the initials BCW. And they didn’t even burn a hundred-thousand dollar hole in my wallet.
On that note, they fade to black.
(ON CAMERA PROMOTIONAL VIDEO)
We open the scene in a lavish-looking hotel room. Camilla Pazzini is sitting in an armchair, whereas Isabella is laid out across a sofa, tapping away at her cellphone like a bored angsty teenager tweeting about woke shit.
CAMILLA PAZZINI
Sis?
Isabella waves her free hand, causing Camilla to roll her eyes.
CAMILLA PAZZINI
Whatever. We’re a few hours out from facing the Black Crusade Worldwide for the UPRISING Tag Team Championships. Yes, they are still the champions. No, I don’t know how either. They have this whole rotational business going on, which as far as I can see, rather defeats the purpose of a tag team championship... but when it comes to the BCW, I guess that’s the least of the weird shit. Following all that crap with Swine Flew and now this, if we win the belts, we’ll probably need to hire a priest to do an exorcism on the damn things. I don’t really understand dragons, pigs, minions or any of that stupid fucking shit. I understand punching things in the face and spearing them into oblivion; and it doesn’t matter whether you’re a pig, a minion, a dragon or a suspicious chicken named Geoff... if I hit you hard enough, you are going down and staying down and that’s the end of it no clucking way!
ISABELLA PAZZINI (NOT LOOKING UP)
Aren’t chickens female?
CAMILLA PAZZINI
It’s 2022, and we don’t judge. But when we’re through with the Black Crusade Worldwide, whichever two decide to show up, it will be THEM laying an egg. Because this is a joke that’s run its course, and isn’t funny anymore, if it ever was. They’re just annoying. UPRISING deserves Tag Team Champions that people actually give a damn about. Wrestling royalty if you will.
ISABELLA PAZZINI
Mm-hmm.
Camilla turns to glare at her sister.
CAMILLA PAZZINI
Why are you being all aloof and acting like you don’t give a shit?
ISABELLA PAZZINI
Was just putting myself in your shoes for a change, seeing what all the fuss was about.
CAMILLA PAZZINI
Ha... Ha. You bloody talk, you enjoy doing it enough.
Isabella puts her phone down, but doesn’t sit up.
ISABELLA PAZZINI
Black Crusade Worldwide... led by a dragon, huh?
CAMILLA PAZZINI
Kalinda, yes.
ISABELLA PAZZINI
Not much of a dragon. She has what... three minions? I’ve beaten dragons who had way more minions than that. In a lumberjack match. With the minions as lumberjacks. I beat the dragon. By hitting it with the minions.
CAMILLA PAZZINI
ALL of the minions?
ISABELLA PAZZINI
Nah, it went down after like fourteen or so. Minions are always expendable anyway. You just kinda swing them around and use them to cause collateral damage.
Camilla blinks.
CAMILLA PAZZINI
What... the actual fuck are you blithering on about?
ISABELLA PAZZINI
Minions. Swing them right round, baby right round. If the dragon’s small enough, you can swing it around too, they have tails for that very purpose. Probably best to wear gloves though, don’t want them slipping out.
CAMILLA PAZZINI
Are you drunk?!
ISABELLA PAZZINI
Look, we’re almost a month away from St. George’s Day. Now St. George, he killed a dragon with a sword. And while Camilla & I don’t have any swords, I have a hammer and Camilla has a spear, and those will do just fine I feel.
CAMILLA PAZZINI
And the minions...?
ISABELLA PAZZINI
I told you. Swing your minion from side to side, throw him face first into a wall. Or her. Or it. The point is, we fling the minions, destroy the dragon, then we get the championships and the kisses from the princesses.
CAMILLA PAZZINI
I’m spoken for.
ISABELLA PAZZINI
That’s okay, I can handle your princess as well. So that’s that. Black Crusade Worldwide: Tweedledumb, Tweedledumpster & Tweedledumbfuck, I’m sure you’ve enjoyed your reign, and the dragon’s reign before it... but I haven’t been a champion in weeks, and I’m bored of it, so hey-ho, casualties have to be made, I suppose.
CAMILLA PAZZINI
So we’re gonna beat the fuck out of whomever shows up, and win those belts. Finally we’re getting to the damn point.
ISABELLA PAZZINI
I mean sure... but Kalinda had better be part of the match. I want to face the one who’s actually relevant. I mean, what good is winning the titles if we just beat the minions? EVEN the Jumping Blonde Angels could probably manage that.
CAMILLA PAZZINI
Who are they?
ISABELLA PAZZINI
Exactly. So fly unto us, peewee little dragon, and bring two minions, three minions, eleventy-two minions, it matters not a jot. What matters is simply this, as soon as the zebra looks the other way, one of you fuckers is getting your skull caved in with a hammer. So then you can fly off back to neverneverland and let the ACTUAL wrestling legends carry this division.
CAMILLA PAZZINI
Good. They are literally my least favourite thing in this world with the initials BCW. And they didn’t even burn a hundred-thousand dollar hole in my wallet.
On that note, they fade to black.