Post by fullmetal on Oct 5, 2021 2:05:09 GMT -5
RP for UPRISING, APOTHEOSIS (October 9 2021), vs. Starr/Power vs. Swine Flew (c) - UPRISING Tag Team Championship
BLACK CRUSADE WORLDWIDE
"T is for Triangle"
MATCH PROMO SECTION___________
Black. And over that black, an old-timey film grain filter straight out of Windows XP Movie Maker loops, and an exaggeratedly Trey Parker-esque sounding old timey newsreel narrator...narrates.
NARRATOR: "Things: they ARE a-happening! Gears are turning! Pieces are being put...into place! A shape is taking shape...and it's a TRIANGLE!"
Accompanied by cheerful military-trumpet-heavy newsreel music, filtered footage begins to play of the UPRISING Tag Team Champions, Kalinda Kreigsdottir of BLACK CRUSADE & Regan Voorhees, affectionately known as Swine Flew, winning the belts, and then defending them several times.
NARRATOR: "The shape USED TO BE...a weird-ass-looking circle! Like one of those pointy almond shapes people draw eyes looking like! One of THOSE!"
Still filtered, cut to the APOTHEOSIS match-up graphic of Swine Flew defending the belts against...not these 2 teams.
NARRATOR: "TWO of those almond oval circle things, in fact!"
Cut to footage of Starr/Power beating up the tag team The Family Crowe on a recent episode of REVOLUTION.
NARRATOR: "One end of the mutant circle, the team of STARR POWER, Minka Starr & Brick Hauser, two dynamos of white-hot tag team wrestling!"
Cut to footage of PyreBird & JIRITSU, BLACK CRUSADE, also beating up the tag team The Family Crowe on a separate recent episode of REVOLUTION.
NARRATOR: "The other end: the BLACK CRUSADE! The classic combo of PB & J, PyreBird & JIRITSU are here to break bones and throw stones!"
Cut to the APOTHEOSIS match-up graphic of PyreBird & JIRITSU, versus the team of Starr Power for number-one contendership to the Tag Team Titles on the Season 2 Premiere of UPRISING.
NARRATOR: "The first circle was GOING to be an interpromotional match! Well FUCK THAT, I guess!"
The first match-up graphic appears again, then the other team gets crossed out.
NARRATOR: "So NOW...without an opponent, Swine Flew are...opponentless! The circle is no longer complete, and thus the situation of the shape has reshaped itself to a NEW shape! Swine Flew has been added to the contendership match, and now the match is OFFICIALLY for the UPRISING Tag Team Championship. The 2 circles...are now...a TRIANGLE!"
Cut to the updated match-up graphic with the Triangle Tag Team Match for the belts.
NARRATOR: "Starr Power is now in a pickle, which is coincidentally an oval type shape itself--a very bent oval type shape--, as they now have to face THREE members of BLACK CRUSADE...instead of TWO! MEANWHILE, Regan Voorhees is additionally concerned that her tag team partner, with bonds fire-forged in battle over the past YEAR, might just turn on her to help her own BLACK CRUSADE compatriots!"
"Her concern does not concern us." The voice of JIRITSU interrupts the Narrator as we cut to PB & J. "She is the Champion, we are contenders, and we want the Championship title belts."
PyreBird: "Technically, we're also facing our partner. We have done a bit of homework here, and it turns out we find ourselves in a very interesting situation that actually has itself a precedent to call back from!"
NARRATOR: "Please enlighten the people, we're on PINS AND NEEDLES!"
JIRITSU: "Demolition."
NARRATOR: "DEMOLITION?? Are you talking about The Axe and The Smasher, THE Demolition, the Walking Disasters??"
PyreBird: "The very same! MORE SPECIFICALLY...Demolition at the Royal Rumble. They entered at numbers 1 and 2 and fought each other fiercely, then worked together to eliminate their opponents; even though they were partners, when there was nobody in the ring other than them, they fought each other QUITE fiercely in those intervals before Andre The Giant entered, and then they IMMEDIATELY turned their attention to HIM and worked together to eliminate them."
NARRATOR: "Did they eliminate Andre? Did either of them win?"
JIRITSU: "...No. They were eventually separately eliminated by Andre The Giant and Mr. Perfect."
PyreBird: "HOWEVER, the point remains that even though Kalinda is our partner, and we're very clearly and obviously going to make sure neither Starr nor Power pins or submits either her OR Regan Voorhees, we're not above fighting our own teammate when championship gold is on the line. If either or both JIRITSU-slash-myself are in that ring face-to-face with Kalinda Kreigsdottir, and nobody else is around, we're going to SHAKE hands, and then we're going to THROW hands because we came here to UPRISING to do MORE than just stand around menacingly, attack people menacingly, and play backup singer to Kalinda's entrances -- menacingly, of course -- while occasionally beating up teams who are somehow booed more often than we are." (a beat) "Menacingly."
JIRITSU: "We may be menaces, but we have surprisingly become popular with the crowd entirely by circumstance."
NARRATOR: "The Unlikely Menacing Heroes of the BLACK CRUSADE!"
PyreBird: "And we intend on entering APOTHEOSIS, and ending this season of UPRISING having broken the record-length reign of Swine Flew, and achieving a NEW trio of C's: CLOSING out the season by CLAIMING the CHAMPIONSHIP."
JIRITSU: "And on the subject of trios: NEXT season, UPRISING will be seeing a new one who will be Claiming THOSE Championship belts in the name of the BLACK CRUSADE."
PyreBird: "We want ALL the gold. And when UPRISING goes GLOBAL, regardless of which of us are holding belts, BLACK CRUSADE is going to be at the forefront, CONQUERING the Company, CONSUMING the Championships, and CONTROLLING the squared Circle."
NARRATOR: "That's a lot of C's!"
PyreBird: "That's right. C, for 'C U at APOTHEOSIS, Starr/Power and Swine Flew.'"
JIRITSU turns to PyreBird as we fade out.
JIRITSU: "You've gotten much better at this in this short time."
END.
BLACK CRUSADE WORLDWIDE
"T is for Triangle"
MATCH PROMO SECTION___________
Black. And over that black, an old-timey film grain filter straight out of Windows XP Movie Maker loops, and an exaggeratedly Trey Parker-esque sounding old timey newsreel narrator...narrates.
NARRATOR: "Things: they ARE a-happening! Gears are turning! Pieces are being put...into place! A shape is taking shape...and it's a TRIANGLE!"
Accompanied by cheerful military-trumpet-heavy newsreel music, filtered footage begins to play of the UPRISING Tag Team Champions, Kalinda Kreigsdottir of BLACK CRUSADE & Regan Voorhees, affectionately known as Swine Flew, winning the belts, and then defending them several times.
NARRATOR: "The shape USED TO BE...a weird-ass-looking circle! Like one of those pointy almond shapes people draw eyes looking like! One of THOSE!"
Still filtered, cut to the APOTHEOSIS match-up graphic of Swine Flew defending the belts against...not these 2 teams.
NARRATOR: "TWO of those almond oval circle things, in fact!"
Cut to footage of Starr/Power beating up the tag team The Family Crowe on a recent episode of REVOLUTION.
NARRATOR: "One end of the mutant circle, the team of STARR POWER, Minka Starr & Brick Hauser, two dynamos of white-hot tag team wrestling!"
Cut to footage of PyreBird & JIRITSU, BLACK CRUSADE, also beating up the tag team The Family Crowe on a separate recent episode of REVOLUTION.
NARRATOR: "The other end: the BLACK CRUSADE! The classic combo of PB & J, PyreBird & JIRITSU are here to break bones and throw stones!"
Cut to the APOTHEOSIS match-up graphic of PyreBird & JIRITSU, versus the team of Starr Power for number-one contendership to the Tag Team Titles on the Season 2 Premiere of UPRISING.
NARRATOR: "The first circle was GOING to be an interpromotional match! Well FUCK THAT, I guess!"
The first match-up graphic appears again, then the other team gets crossed out.
NARRATOR: "So NOW...without an opponent, Swine Flew are...opponentless! The circle is no longer complete, and thus the situation of the shape has reshaped itself to a NEW shape! Swine Flew has been added to the contendership match, and now the match is OFFICIALLY for the UPRISING Tag Team Championship. The 2 circles...are now...a TRIANGLE!"
Cut to the updated match-up graphic with the Triangle Tag Team Match for the belts.
NARRATOR: "Starr Power is now in a pickle, which is coincidentally an oval type shape itself--a very bent oval type shape--, as they now have to face THREE members of BLACK CRUSADE...instead of TWO! MEANWHILE, Regan Voorhees is additionally concerned that her tag team partner, with bonds fire-forged in battle over the past YEAR, might just turn on her to help her own BLACK CRUSADE compatriots!"
"Her concern does not concern us." The voice of JIRITSU interrupts the Narrator as we cut to PB & J. "She is the Champion, we are contenders, and we want the Championship title belts."
PyreBird: "Technically, we're also facing our partner. We have done a bit of homework here, and it turns out we find ourselves in a very interesting situation that actually has itself a precedent to call back from!"
NARRATOR: "Please enlighten the people, we're on PINS AND NEEDLES!"
JIRITSU: "Demolition."
NARRATOR: "DEMOLITION?? Are you talking about The Axe and The Smasher, THE Demolition, the Walking Disasters??"
PyreBird: "The very same! MORE SPECIFICALLY...Demolition at the Royal Rumble. They entered at numbers 1 and 2 and fought each other fiercely, then worked together to eliminate their opponents; even though they were partners, when there was nobody in the ring other than them, they fought each other QUITE fiercely in those intervals before Andre The Giant entered, and then they IMMEDIATELY turned their attention to HIM and worked together to eliminate them."
NARRATOR: "Did they eliminate Andre? Did either of them win?"
JIRITSU: "...No. They were eventually separately eliminated by Andre The Giant and Mr. Perfect."
PyreBird: "HOWEVER, the point remains that even though Kalinda is our partner, and we're very clearly and obviously going to make sure neither Starr nor Power pins or submits either her OR Regan Voorhees, we're not above fighting our own teammate when championship gold is on the line. If either or both JIRITSU-slash-myself are in that ring face-to-face with Kalinda Kreigsdottir, and nobody else is around, we're going to SHAKE hands, and then we're going to THROW hands because we came here to UPRISING to do MORE than just stand around menacingly, attack people menacingly, and play backup singer to Kalinda's entrances -- menacingly, of course -- while occasionally beating up teams who are somehow booed more often than we are." (a beat) "Menacingly."
JIRITSU: "We may be menaces, but we have surprisingly become popular with the crowd entirely by circumstance."
NARRATOR: "The Unlikely Menacing Heroes of the BLACK CRUSADE!"
PyreBird: "And we intend on entering APOTHEOSIS, and ending this season of UPRISING having broken the record-length reign of Swine Flew, and achieving a NEW trio of C's: CLOSING out the season by CLAIMING the CHAMPIONSHIP."
JIRITSU: "And on the subject of trios: NEXT season, UPRISING will be seeing a new one who will be Claiming THOSE Championship belts in the name of the BLACK CRUSADE."
PyreBird: "We want ALL the gold. And when UPRISING goes GLOBAL, regardless of which of us are holding belts, BLACK CRUSADE is going to be at the forefront, CONQUERING the Company, CONSUMING the Championships, and CONTROLLING the squared Circle."
NARRATOR: "That's a lot of C's!"
PyreBird: "That's right. C, for 'C U at APOTHEOSIS, Starr/Power and Swine Flew.'"
JIRITSU turns to PyreBird as we fade out.
JIRITSU: "You've gotten much better at this in this short time."
END.