Post by theravenmattknox on Aug 3, 2021 0:37:54 GMT -5
Air conditioning was the most important luxury since he had started his new life as a desert bird.
The old Jaguar idled with it’s surprisingly cold AC fighting the good fight against the flat black paint and it’s penchant for drawing in the heat like it did. Within, Matthew Knox was seated staring up at the house with a grim look on his face. He’d picked up his passenger early that morning and had tuned out most all of her inquiries and prods the best he could. The ropeburns peaking out from his cuffed shirt only served to fuel her annoying prods.
And now, they idled out of sight of the windows of their destination within the gated community, his eyes staring dreadingly at the home. The passenger was getting really, really fidgety, with a look of exasperation on her face. “So, did we come here just to stare at the building or are we actually going to go in at some point? Not that I don’t like sitting in a car this fine but…” Jennifer Rivers spoke to Matt, poking him on the shoulder. “What are you afraid of Matt?”
“You were married. You probably know how awkward it is looking at anyone with that kind of shared history.” he muttered back, rubbing a hand over his tired face. He let out a sigh, drumming on the steering whee before nodding to the new plan, “New plan. I’m going to go get her, and bring her out here. I don’t want Astryd texting me twenty questions..” he turned his head to face her.
“And frankly, i don’t trust you not to make it weird for me.” The words were decidedly kind and accompanied with a crooked smirk.
Jennifer rolled her eyes as a response. “I’m trying here Matt. Besides. My last marriage ended with me in a coma so whatever went between you two can’t have been THAT bad. Just forget about the mother and focus on Ivy. That's why we’re here.” She stopped to think for a second and an involuntary giggle escaped her lips before she shut it down by biting down on her lip. “I mean...I could ask Queenie to deal with your ex…” that was barely a whisper, a reluctant offer.
“Not a word. From any of you..and hey, guiding light? Whatever she said you were? Wrangle that shit. We’re here to tell, not show.” and with that, he killed the motor and stepped out of the car. A hesitation before he slammed the door, and checked his shirt cuffs once more, then his reflection in the window. A jerk of his head to get her to follow and the odd pair playing at normal walked toward the gaudy, plastic house he never liked living in.
He stopped halfway up the sidewalk, giving a menacing glare at a garden gnome before he approached the door, and knocked firmly, business like. He pays Jennifer a side glance, and shakes his head, before the door is opened. He braces for impact, the worst of gut punches..
But the retired athlete he tried to live a lie with did not answer. Instead, was the diminutive but solid as brick Russian who had cleaned the home and helped with the kids while he was..
“Inessa, wonderful to see you.”
“Eat shit.” Came the thick russian accent in response, she eyed Jennifer before returning to Knox “Ms Thorn knows you come to see Ivy”
“Yes, of course. Now if you don’t mind?”
A tense pause, the cold war threatens to reignite.
“I get her. You are not allowed in house while Ms Thorn is out.”
Slam.
Matthew stands silent a moment, before returning his gaze to Jennifer, “She missed me.”
Jennifer had watched the whole exchange in silence, at least outwardly. Inside, she was having the mother of all dialogues, “wrangling” as Knox so eloquently put it, her different sides, trying to keep it together. She did find some amusement on the way Knox was welcomed. “You sure do have your way with women Matt. I’ve had the big guy greet me more warmly than she just did.” she shook her head. “So. What’s the gameplan? All we know Ivy recognizes me and goes berserk on the spot.”
A scoff, a smirk “You think I've ever had a plan?” he pauses, mulling the answer in his head before nodding once at the answer “We’ll rely on her knowing I’d never put her in danger. She’s a smart kid. Little..murderous, but smart.” he reached a hand out, paying her an unusually friendly slap on the shoulder “Like her aunt Jenny. or ...whatever you are.” the door swung open, the stocky russian woman was now accompanied by the young girl staring at her ipad, tapping away.
The little bird.
“Her dinner is at five. If she’s not here, we call police.”
“Of course...Ivy, shall we?”
She looked up, nodding to her dad and staring at Jennifer for a moment, eyes narrowing. They shift back to her father before nodding and taking the step out of the doorway to join the two adults. Matthew looks back to Stalin’s long lost love child with a sloth bear.
“We’re just going for a walk, don’t worry Mrs Putin.”
Slam.
“She doesn’t like you.” came the small voice below them, still staring into the tablet. He snickered at it, and motioned to Jennifer before walking, nudging the tween into motion as he did so.Jennifer walked a few steps behind the two, suddenly not sure how to approach the situation.
She had struggled to even come clean to Knox. And he was an adult who understood what she was telling him. Now? She was supposed to explain something out of a damn fantasy book to a child. A smart one sure, but still a child. In her head, a debate raged. Not only with the dry voice in there, but with the mischievous Queenie as well as the middle-ground Jenny in there, trying to sell their approaches. She saw Knox glancing over his shoulder at her with a look that screamed “what’re you waiting for” and she just tapped her temple. Finally she sighed, took a few quicker steps to get abreast of the pair. “So. Ivy…” she started, her voice wavering with uncertainty. “When your dad fought the big guy… You appeared on camera. Why did you say what you did?” She decided that the best approach was a quizzical one. To figure out how far she was. “It kinda spooked me you know.”
She paused and realized that she had forgotten one important detail. “Oh right… Ivy, I don’t think if Matt told you but, I’m kind of an aunt to you. Your grandmother was my grandfathers sister.” She paused, thinking how silly that sounded. “Anyway. Back to the question”
He chuckled at her stumbling, enjoying the display. Ivy, who had finally gotten away from the wifi, turned around, walking backwards in step with her father as she stared up at the woman with that same stare her father had, the one that tried picking a brain apart so it could be manipulated. Thankfully, she was only twelve “Because he tried to kill my dad and hurt my sister. I wanted him to die so he couldn’t do that anymore.” her answer was curt, simple. Pace and eye contact never breaking once as they moved. Matthew almost spoke, but decided to leave it for the doctor.
Jennifer's features darkened. She recognized that tone. “Ivy… Your dad, and me for that matter, are in a very dangerous business. Events like that are more common than people want to admit. But I think you’re a touch too young to understand stuff like that” she paused and glanced at Matt, figuring it was time to rip the band-aid and stop dancing around the issue. “Tell me Ivy, those things you said. Did someone tell you to say them? You know, someone who you can hear but others can’t`”
She looked to her father for a moment, turning around and walking with her back to Jennifer now as she went silent, tapping the tablet against her leg as she moved “I don’t see things, but…” a pale hand reached over, laying itself on her back as she nodded, tensing at the touch “I hear things, when I get mad. I see red and it tells me to hurt everything. It told me to kill you when you took me away from them in that room...it told me not to look up when he was standing behind me, acting like he’d squish me.”
The memory flashed in Knox’s mind, bringing a sick feeling to his stomach as he grimaced, still silent.Jennifer shared the expression, giving an apologetic look to Knox. She knelt down to be eye level with Ivy, placing her words very, very carefully. “See.. Here’s the thing Ivy. That voice? Well.. I have the same here” she tapped her temple. “So does the big guy who… Well, he’s my brother. And so... “ she looked up at Knox who was trying to look away. “So does your dad. It’s… Well, it comes from my side of the family” She ended quietly. “But… it only wants to protect you Ivy. You can talk to it. Make it stop being so violent. It can be a friend, a companion. A guide” She carefully laid a hand on her shoulder, ready to recoil if needed. “Or something dangerous. Like my brother.”
She stood still as stone, stubborn. She looked up to Matthew for confirmation only to find him looking away. A familiar sight to the young girl, second only to the shame she saw when he was looking at her, “My therapist thinks it’s--”
“Therapist?” Matthew interjected, “Your mom has you in therapy?”
“She tried to call.” Ivy answered, which caused Knox to recoil and go back to silence. Ivy shakes her head before continuing “My Therapist thinks it’s a coping mechanism from not having a co-parenting figure to offset my mother’s parental habits. She said it’s an unhealthy habit that I need to grow out of before I'm out of childhood…” a pause, “She talks like she’s reading a script, I don’t like her.”
Matthew couldn't help the scoffing chuckle at the childish honesty.
“It’s a coping habit alright” Jennifer muttered to herself, just loud enough for the pair to hear. “But your therapist is wrong. It’s not something you grow out of. Well, not permanently. It might go away for a spell. But when you least expect it, it will come back. Mine did when I was in my twenties. So did my brothers. And your dads.” She glanced at Matt again, then back to Ivy. “Just… well. No better way than this.” She looked Ivy in the eyes and her face went completely blank for a moment, until she began to speak again, this time her voice lacking any emotion.
“You don’t need to be afraid of it, Ivy. What Jennifer is trying to tell you is that what you have is both a gift and a curse. I have watched over Jennifer since she was a small girl, not unlike you. I was quiet for a long time, content to just watch. But when she needed me, I spoke to her. The voice in your head is not unlike me, it has yet to gain its full form. It can go either way Ivy, depending on how you treat it. Jennifers brother Thomas shoved all of his pain to it and it turned to what you see today. Your father went for years chalking it up to the bad things he did and it became what it is. You can still be more like Jennifer than him.”
Jennifer lurched forward, catching herself just before she fell flat on the ground, whimpering a bit as the voice taking over always drained her of energy. She looked up and tried to offer a small smile to Ivy regardless. Matthew stared at the display, letting out a breath he dropped down to his daughter’s eye level, a considerably large drop than Jennifer’s “What Jenny--fer and her..” he makes an awkward circular motion with his hand “Whatever these are is trying to tell you, Ivy is that...it’s what you make it. Me, and Tom? We never let it be anything good, and so it wasn’t. Jennifer managed to catch hers and make it something so…” he pursed his lips, looking toward the sky for answers.
“It’s you, just...make it the best of you.” Ivy stared at her father, her head cocked along with an eyebrow, then back to Jennifer. She lets out a small scoff, rolling her eyes and looking away from the pair “You both sound like them, but...crazier?” a child’s honesty. She turns to Matthew, wetting her lips before speaking “You wouldn’t lie about this? It isn’t a prank?” wordlessly, he shook his head. The tiny raven turned back to Jennifer, and let out an exhale, “I’m sorry I said I wanted your brother to die.”
Jennifer was still gathering her strength, but managed to shake her head. “Don’t apologize for that. Tom… He’s long gone. He’d agree.” she gave a morbid chuckle. “You can be better. I got my companion with me, but I still have my issues. Which is why your dad struggles with what to call me.” She threw a sideways glance at him. “But you know more than any of us 3 ever did at this point. Don’t be like him. And actually, don’t be like me either. I have a crowd in my head.” Her body language began to change, relaxing into a more loose posture and a mischievous grin appeared on her lips, something she immediately began to fight while standing up, gritting her teeth. “NOT NOW” she exclaimed, turning away from the pair to do it. “Later….” she muttered and we could hear a frustrated sigh. Realizing she must’ve looked crazy, she spoke quietly to Matt. “I gotta take a walk. Queenie is getting restless. Talk with Ivy, get her home, whatever. I’ll hang around the car eventually.”
Matt snaked an arm out, paying Jennifer a half embrace before placing a guiding hand on Ivy’s shoulder “Let’s get you back to the bear’s den before she eats us.” without missing a beat, the tepid reply came “She’d only eat you. Goodbye, Aunt Jennifer. Thank you.” and that was that, the two birds strolled back the way they came. Matthew’s body language decidedly less stiff, as the pill had been swallowed and she took it better than he expected.
She was his kid, after all. Maybe generations of the fucked up genes had finally built in a defense mechanism to the crazy?
He bottled the thoughts for later as he went to join Jennifer in the old Jaguar, sliding in silently. He doesn’t start the car for a beat, turning to his ...he still didn’t quite know how to label it, even using traditional labels “You’re wonderful with kids. You ought to consider having them if you ever get a collar on the clown.” he offers, before turning the motor on and letting it idle. Before she can answer, he lets out a sigh.
“Don’t grill me. Just listen, listen well. If something happens, like the shit with Tom and me? Well, when it happens. Or if anything goes down where I’m gone? Look after her and make sure she feeds the right side of the beast, alright?”
She reached to squeeze Matt’s shoulder. “If that is what you want. She needs her father the most though. You’re a far cry from the self-destructive vigilante you were when I first saw you. Make peace with your past. She needs you more than she needs me or anyone else.” She then chuckled. “Though I bet she got her brains from her mother. Which I guess is a godsent. Last thing we need is for a small firecracker like her going on a roaring rampage of revenge when her dad ends up picking the wrong fight.” a chuckle, but no response outside of putting the car in gear and heading back to Reno.
Maybe not all clowns her bad.
Just most.
The old Jaguar idled with it’s surprisingly cold AC fighting the good fight against the flat black paint and it’s penchant for drawing in the heat like it did. Within, Matthew Knox was seated staring up at the house with a grim look on his face. He’d picked up his passenger early that morning and had tuned out most all of her inquiries and prods the best he could. The ropeburns peaking out from his cuffed shirt only served to fuel her annoying prods.
And now, they idled out of sight of the windows of their destination within the gated community, his eyes staring dreadingly at the home. The passenger was getting really, really fidgety, with a look of exasperation on her face. “So, did we come here just to stare at the building or are we actually going to go in at some point? Not that I don’t like sitting in a car this fine but…” Jennifer Rivers spoke to Matt, poking him on the shoulder. “What are you afraid of Matt?”
“You were married. You probably know how awkward it is looking at anyone with that kind of shared history.” he muttered back, rubbing a hand over his tired face. He let out a sigh, drumming on the steering whee before nodding to the new plan, “New plan. I’m going to go get her, and bring her out here. I don’t want Astryd texting me twenty questions..” he turned his head to face her.
“And frankly, i don’t trust you not to make it weird for me.” The words were decidedly kind and accompanied with a crooked smirk.
Jennifer rolled her eyes as a response. “I’m trying here Matt. Besides. My last marriage ended with me in a coma so whatever went between you two can’t have been THAT bad. Just forget about the mother and focus on Ivy. That's why we’re here.” She stopped to think for a second and an involuntary giggle escaped her lips before she shut it down by biting down on her lip. “I mean...I could ask Queenie to deal with your ex…” that was barely a whisper, a reluctant offer.
“Not a word. From any of you..and hey, guiding light? Whatever she said you were? Wrangle that shit. We’re here to tell, not show.” and with that, he killed the motor and stepped out of the car. A hesitation before he slammed the door, and checked his shirt cuffs once more, then his reflection in the window. A jerk of his head to get her to follow and the odd pair playing at normal walked toward the gaudy, plastic house he never liked living in.
He stopped halfway up the sidewalk, giving a menacing glare at a garden gnome before he approached the door, and knocked firmly, business like. He pays Jennifer a side glance, and shakes his head, before the door is opened. He braces for impact, the worst of gut punches..
But the retired athlete he tried to live a lie with did not answer. Instead, was the diminutive but solid as brick Russian who had cleaned the home and helped with the kids while he was..
“Inessa, wonderful to see you.”
“Eat shit.” Came the thick russian accent in response, she eyed Jennifer before returning to Knox “Ms Thorn knows you come to see Ivy”
“Yes, of course. Now if you don’t mind?”
A tense pause, the cold war threatens to reignite.
“I get her. You are not allowed in house while Ms Thorn is out.”
Slam.
Matthew stands silent a moment, before returning his gaze to Jennifer, “She missed me.”
Jennifer had watched the whole exchange in silence, at least outwardly. Inside, she was having the mother of all dialogues, “wrangling” as Knox so eloquently put it, her different sides, trying to keep it together. She did find some amusement on the way Knox was welcomed. “You sure do have your way with women Matt. I’ve had the big guy greet me more warmly than she just did.” she shook her head. “So. What’s the gameplan? All we know Ivy recognizes me and goes berserk on the spot.”
A scoff, a smirk “You think I've ever had a plan?” he pauses, mulling the answer in his head before nodding once at the answer “We’ll rely on her knowing I’d never put her in danger. She’s a smart kid. Little..murderous, but smart.” he reached a hand out, paying her an unusually friendly slap on the shoulder “Like her aunt Jenny. or ...whatever you are.” the door swung open, the stocky russian woman was now accompanied by the young girl staring at her ipad, tapping away.
The little bird.
“Her dinner is at five. If she’s not here, we call police.”
“Of course...Ivy, shall we?”
She looked up, nodding to her dad and staring at Jennifer for a moment, eyes narrowing. They shift back to her father before nodding and taking the step out of the doorway to join the two adults. Matthew looks back to Stalin’s long lost love child with a sloth bear.
“We’re just going for a walk, don’t worry Mrs Putin.”
Slam.
“She doesn’t like you.” came the small voice below them, still staring into the tablet. He snickered at it, and motioned to Jennifer before walking, nudging the tween into motion as he did so.Jennifer walked a few steps behind the two, suddenly not sure how to approach the situation.
She had struggled to even come clean to Knox. And he was an adult who understood what she was telling him. Now? She was supposed to explain something out of a damn fantasy book to a child. A smart one sure, but still a child. In her head, a debate raged. Not only with the dry voice in there, but with the mischievous Queenie as well as the middle-ground Jenny in there, trying to sell their approaches. She saw Knox glancing over his shoulder at her with a look that screamed “what’re you waiting for” and she just tapped her temple. Finally she sighed, took a few quicker steps to get abreast of the pair. “So. Ivy…” she started, her voice wavering with uncertainty. “When your dad fought the big guy… You appeared on camera. Why did you say what you did?” She decided that the best approach was a quizzical one. To figure out how far she was. “It kinda spooked me you know.”
She paused and realized that she had forgotten one important detail. “Oh right… Ivy, I don’t think if Matt told you but, I’m kind of an aunt to you. Your grandmother was my grandfathers sister.” She paused, thinking how silly that sounded. “Anyway. Back to the question”
He chuckled at her stumbling, enjoying the display. Ivy, who had finally gotten away from the wifi, turned around, walking backwards in step with her father as she stared up at the woman with that same stare her father had, the one that tried picking a brain apart so it could be manipulated. Thankfully, she was only twelve “Because he tried to kill my dad and hurt my sister. I wanted him to die so he couldn’t do that anymore.” her answer was curt, simple. Pace and eye contact never breaking once as they moved. Matthew almost spoke, but decided to leave it for the doctor.
Jennifer's features darkened. She recognized that tone. “Ivy… Your dad, and me for that matter, are in a very dangerous business. Events like that are more common than people want to admit. But I think you’re a touch too young to understand stuff like that” she paused and glanced at Matt, figuring it was time to rip the band-aid and stop dancing around the issue. “Tell me Ivy, those things you said. Did someone tell you to say them? You know, someone who you can hear but others can’t`”
She looked to her father for a moment, turning around and walking with her back to Jennifer now as she went silent, tapping the tablet against her leg as she moved “I don’t see things, but…” a pale hand reached over, laying itself on her back as she nodded, tensing at the touch “I hear things, when I get mad. I see red and it tells me to hurt everything. It told me to kill you when you took me away from them in that room...it told me not to look up when he was standing behind me, acting like he’d squish me.”
The memory flashed in Knox’s mind, bringing a sick feeling to his stomach as he grimaced, still silent.Jennifer shared the expression, giving an apologetic look to Knox. She knelt down to be eye level with Ivy, placing her words very, very carefully. “See.. Here’s the thing Ivy. That voice? Well.. I have the same here” she tapped her temple. “So does the big guy who… Well, he’s my brother. And so... “ she looked up at Knox who was trying to look away. “So does your dad. It’s… Well, it comes from my side of the family” She ended quietly. “But… it only wants to protect you Ivy. You can talk to it. Make it stop being so violent. It can be a friend, a companion. A guide” She carefully laid a hand on her shoulder, ready to recoil if needed. “Or something dangerous. Like my brother.”
She stood still as stone, stubborn. She looked up to Matthew for confirmation only to find him looking away. A familiar sight to the young girl, second only to the shame she saw when he was looking at her, “My therapist thinks it’s--”
“Therapist?” Matthew interjected, “Your mom has you in therapy?”
“She tried to call.” Ivy answered, which caused Knox to recoil and go back to silence. Ivy shakes her head before continuing “My Therapist thinks it’s a coping mechanism from not having a co-parenting figure to offset my mother’s parental habits. She said it’s an unhealthy habit that I need to grow out of before I'm out of childhood…” a pause, “She talks like she’s reading a script, I don’t like her.”
Matthew couldn't help the scoffing chuckle at the childish honesty.
“It’s a coping habit alright” Jennifer muttered to herself, just loud enough for the pair to hear. “But your therapist is wrong. It’s not something you grow out of. Well, not permanently. It might go away for a spell. But when you least expect it, it will come back. Mine did when I was in my twenties. So did my brothers. And your dads.” She glanced at Matt again, then back to Ivy. “Just… well. No better way than this.” She looked Ivy in the eyes and her face went completely blank for a moment, until she began to speak again, this time her voice lacking any emotion.
“You don’t need to be afraid of it, Ivy. What Jennifer is trying to tell you is that what you have is both a gift and a curse. I have watched over Jennifer since she was a small girl, not unlike you. I was quiet for a long time, content to just watch. But when she needed me, I spoke to her. The voice in your head is not unlike me, it has yet to gain its full form. It can go either way Ivy, depending on how you treat it. Jennifers brother Thomas shoved all of his pain to it and it turned to what you see today. Your father went for years chalking it up to the bad things he did and it became what it is. You can still be more like Jennifer than him.”
Jennifer lurched forward, catching herself just before she fell flat on the ground, whimpering a bit as the voice taking over always drained her of energy. She looked up and tried to offer a small smile to Ivy regardless. Matthew stared at the display, letting out a breath he dropped down to his daughter’s eye level, a considerably large drop than Jennifer’s “What Jenny--fer and her..” he makes an awkward circular motion with his hand “Whatever these are is trying to tell you, Ivy is that...it’s what you make it. Me, and Tom? We never let it be anything good, and so it wasn’t. Jennifer managed to catch hers and make it something so…” he pursed his lips, looking toward the sky for answers.
“It’s you, just...make it the best of you.” Ivy stared at her father, her head cocked along with an eyebrow, then back to Jennifer. She lets out a small scoff, rolling her eyes and looking away from the pair “You both sound like them, but...crazier?” a child’s honesty. She turns to Matthew, wetting her lips before speaking “You wouldn’t lie about this? It isn’t a prank?” wordlessly, he shook his head. The tiny raven turned back to Jennifer, and let out an exhale, “I’m sorry I said I wanted your brother to die.”
Jennifer was still gathering her strength, but managed to shake her head. “Don’t apologize for that. Tom… He’s long gone. He’d agree.” she gave a morbid chuckle. “You can be better. I got my companion with me, but I still have my issues. Which is why your dad struggles with what to call me.” She threw a sideways glance at him. “But you know more than any of us 3 ever did at this point. Don’t be like him. And actually, don’t be like me either. I have a crowd in my head.” Her body language began to change, relaxing into a more loose posture and a mischievous grin appeared on her lips, something she immediately began to fight while standing up, gritting her teeth. “NOT NOW” she exclaimed, turning away from the pair to do it. “Later….” she muttered and we could hear a frustrated sigh. Realizing she must’ve looked crazy, she spoke quietly to Matt. “I gotta take a walk. Queenie is getting restless. Talk with Ivy, get her home, whatever. I’ll hang around the car eventually.”
Matt snaked an arm out, paying Jennifer a half embrace before placing a guiding hand on Ivy’s shoulder “Let’s get you back to the bear’s den before she eats us.” without missing a beat, the tepid reply came “She’d only eat you. Goodbye, Aunt Jennifer. Thank you.” and that was that, the two birds strolled back the way they came. Matthew’s body language decidedly less stiff, as the pill had been swallowed and she took it better than he expected.
She was his kid, after all. Maybe generations of the fucked up genes had finally built in a defense mechanism to the crazy?
He bottled the thoughts for later as he went to join Jennifer in the old Jaguar, sliding in silently. He doesn’t start the car for a beat, turning to his ...he still didn’t quite know how to label it, even using traditional labels “You’re wonderful with kids. You ought to consider having them if you ever get a collar on the clown.” he offers, before turning the motor on and letting it idle. Before she can answer, he lets out a sigh.
“Don’t grill me. Just listen, listen well. If something happens, like the shit with Tom and me? Well, when it happens. Or if anything goes down where I’m gone? Look after her and make sure she feeds the right side of the beast, alright?”
She reached to squeeze Matt’s shoulder. “If that is what you want. She needs her father the most though. You’re a far cry from the self-destructive vigilante you were when I first saw you. Make peace with your past. She needs you more than she needs me or anyone else.” She then chuckled. “Though I bet she got her brains from her mother. Which I guess is a godsent. Last thing we need is for a small firecracker like her going on a roaring rampage of revenge when her dad ends up picking the wrong fight.” a chuckle, but no response outside of putting the car in gear and heading back to Reno.
Maybe not all clowns her bad.
Just most.