Post by J on Jul 27, 2021 15:09:53 GMT -5
//Off Camera//
Reno, Nevada.
United States
July 27th 2021
After the devastating loss against Cowgirls From Hell the past Saturday it had been a few hazy days in the life of Nico Pazzini, he had not been around his cohorts or around anyone, darkest dive bars in town and the seediest strip joints had been like home for him. He had gulped down every drink he could and laced them up with whatever sides there were to offer.
“Hey there.”
He heard the voice as a female sat next to him. He didn’t look up, not that his vision was much due to the dark room and excessive alcohol in his system.
“Not tonight baby my cannoli isn’t up for playdate go rub your mounds somewhere else...or bring me another round of 7&7’s since you are here and..”
*SMACK*
Nico reeled for a second from the crack round the head. What the actual fuck. He turned, ready to give the insolent bitch what for, when his eyes realized who exactly was sitting next to him.
“AUNT IZZY? Gee... what the fuck are you doing here?”
“Not rubbing my mounds anywhere, that’s for sure. Care to take another guess?”
He frowns, ponders and then his face lights up.
“You got a second job as a waiter?”
*WHACK*
That shit was harder than she planned, actually bouncing his head off the table, luckily for both of them Nico was inburiated enough that he landed loose and drunk enough not to remember. She grabbed him by the hair yanking his head up to check his face for damages.
“How’ you doing kiddo?”
“OWWWWWH…”
“Oh Don’t be such a baby, I’ve had bigger tumbles just getting out of the tub..”
She grabs some ice from Nico’s drink, skillfully wraps his bandana to a bundle and hands it over.
“Keep that to your head, it'll help.”
He slurs his words a bit but seemed genuinely amazed.
“You a nurse too? Wow, is there anything You DON’T know to do?”
She chuckles.
“Aunties know everything, you should know it by now..so, getting lucky?”
He grumbled.
“Nah, these girls are too skinny...tried offering them a few bills to go eat and a..bah.”
She ruffles his hair just a bit.
“You always liked them a bit more in form..must have been all that home cooking, remember Carola?”
He sighs
“She had the finest pair I’ve ever seen..madonna the times I used to watch you two go swim and..”
She cuts him off
“Yeah..she has like 6 kids now and her husband works as a dentist in Rome..”
“..fucking bitch.”
She grabs Nico’s drink and gulps it down.
“Too right, one time I felt her up a bit..ONE TIME and she acted like I somehow assaulted her.”
Nico scoffs
“..was that before or after she blew Carlo Paganelli under the rafters?”
Isabella frowned.
“After..and before she let Luigi Lazarella ravage her rear ruby...but I was the problem”
Nico chuckles
“Despite having more balls than all three of them combined!”
Isabella smirked.
“Her loss, anyway. Nowadays she’s so hagged, even your Auntie Camilla would have second thoughts. At the end of the day, I’ve slept with women way better looking than her.”
He gasps in fright
“Auntie Cammie?! Isn’t that like incest or some such..I mean the pope and the church says shit like that is like..a sin?”
“Don’t be silly, Nico. I have no interest in sexual relations with any member of my immediate family, and even if I did, your Auntie Izzy is a 9, and your Auntie Cammie is a 2.5.”
Izzy waves over a bitch and tells her to get her something strong. Bitch approves.
“You know... I missed you when you came over here. It’s nice we can sit here, getting drunk as fuck watching bitches together. Real family bonding.”
As the drinks return Nico holds his up for a toast.
“Family that goes to strip clubs together, tips together!”
“Says you! I’m not stuffing my money down some g-string ..”
He slurs up his words
“I meant..sticks together, I think.”
She looks at him, nodding in approval.
“A bit less sleazy, considering your level of blood alcohol, probably truth. So you haven’t seen anyone you like on the roster have you?”
Nico slurps on his drink checking at a brunette who seems to get down to twerk and clap better thany tick tock track he’s seen.
“Well not really I mean they got a few there’s that Tolson always thirsting up the timeline that big eater Heidi and then of course..”
“Oh so NO ONE then, that’s a relief!”
He gawks at her.
“Wahtchu mean...don’t you want me getting laid? Don’t you love me Auntie?”
She smiles at him.
“Nico, I’ve been married five times. All to men who worked in the business in one capacity or another. Let me give you a piece of advice. Don’t date people in the industry.”
“But why?”
“Wrestlers tend to be fit. We’re athletes. Which means many of them are very attractive. So basically, if you date a wrestler, they’re constantly spending time around very attractive people. Which gives them a lot more temptation to go ride somebody else’s dick, you get me?”
She laughs.
“You want a nice girl. Preferably, a little bit dim, but full of love and obliging. That’s the ideal. Because she will always come home to you, and be there for your needs. Don’t make the same mistakes I made.”
“Huh. So... you ever gonna get married again?”
Isabella smirks.
“Nah, my divorce lawyer’s made enough money of my ass as is. Besides, settling down isn’t really what I want at my age. I just wanna have some fun. Besides, I got my son already, what else use is a lunk of a man gonna be? I got Vinnie to take care of everything a man could ever offer me.”
“Even the D?”
“I got a bigger D in my end table than any guy you’ve ever met.”
Sadly given his state this clever wordplay went over his head.
“I KNEW YOU TWO WERE FUCKING! I KNEW IT THAT LYING PIECE OF SHIT OWES ME A THOUSAND BUCKS AND--”
She grabbed him by the throat, less gentle than any loving blood relative should.
“Nico, my boy if you enjoy having that tongue of yours and those pearly white teeth where they are at. I would suggest you stop this sentence right here and never repeat it to anyone..”
He nods gurgling out a response that could have meant anything. She let’s him go and sips on her drink.
“So you two..didn’t ever..?”
“OH LOOK AT THE RACK ON THAT SKIFUZA!?”
Her shriek got him to lose his focus in a hurry as he turned around.
“Madonna..a tiny thing like that..god blessed her didn’t he..”
“..men, a plastic surgeon probably did. She’s gonna need to reduce those in a few years her back can’t take all that..hopefully this pays for her college or something at least, you go girl shake them funbags for us sad sacks of shit!”
Nico seemed to notice somewhat of a blue mood behind his auntie’s celebration. He nudged her.
“So ..Izzy, think I could really get a girl like the one you talked about? A lot of the women on the roster act like I’ll never get anyone dudes too..”
“You a fanook then?”
“NO!”
“It’s okay if you are..I mean the hair the furcoats it’s fine Nicky seriously 2021 and nobody will judge you..Goliath is one and he’s respected..creepy fucker that he is. I’ll keep him away from my boy though. I’ll never be a Grandma otherwise..”
“You are old enough to be one soon..”
“WHAT?!”
“I said I’m craving for some cooze auntie!”
“Oh you and me both, kid..but you don’t want any from a place like this. These are more like bj level bitches..”
He nods as if he had any idea of the level of extensive research she had over the years and goes back to the previous subject.
“Seriously though, if I find a girl like the one you talked, I could marry her?”
She nods.
“Totally”
He seems brash sticking out his chest.
“..even one who knows how to cook?”
She spit-takes.
“You find one like that’ I’LL MARRY HER!”
They both hug and laugh and drink by drink Nico was forgetting the match they had lost and Isabella enjoyed her successful debut more by every drink, I mean who doesn’t love a good bellhammer shot? ..except the person getting hit of course.