Post by Deleted on Jun 9, 2021 13:12:59 GMT -5
LIQUOR RUSH MAKES A SLICKER CRUSH
(Off Camera)
CARAMEL CANE
I hope he gets here soon. I’ve got the shakes.
Since Stacey had shown up in Reno, she had been working the Crush ragged. Arduous, punishing training and fitness drills, early evening curfews and alcohol rationing. None of these things sat well with any of the three girls, but Carrie in particular was really struggling. In her and Lollipop’s room, they were hiding out with Heidi.
Bobby was apparently exempt from the Crush’s torture, and was using his position to smuggle drinks in to the girls. Sure enough, the man of the moment arrives, carting bags of booze.
CARAMEL CANE
BOBBY! You’re a fucking lifesaver.
HEIDI AUSTIN
SHHH! Quiet, you don’t wanna wake the dragon. Thank you sweetie, I owe you one.
The East End native smiles and blushes a bit.
BOBBY EARS
Anything for you my love..
CARAMEL CANE
As romantic as this mushy shit is, drink me Bobby!
HEIDI AUSTIN
You know you could open your own bottle.
CARAMEL CANE
Yeah and YOU could help by doing it for me but neither seems to work so shush it, Robert, drink!
HEIDI AUSTIN
Be nice!
CARAMEL CANE
Bloody PLEASE!
Robert Farage a.k.a Bobby Ears offers his friend an open bottle of rum and an open bottle of coke.
BOBBY EARS
Women can multitask, right?
Carrie takes inspiration from the old Irish sitcom favourite Father Jack and starts pouring the contents of both bottles into her gullet.
LOLLIPOP
You’ve no idea. One time Carrie & me were in bed and...
HEIDI AUSTIN
...Not till four drinks in, Lolly, I swear to God.
The girls (and Bobby) were having a convivial evening together, by which I of course mean getting plastered. Unfortunately, Caramel seemed really, really bad at this whole being quiet thing.
CARAMEL CANE
I’m putting on some fucking Motörhead!
LOLLIPOP
NO! Carrie, you’ll wake the boss up!
CARAMEL CANE
You can’t drink without Lemmy. It would be like going to church when God is on holiday.
LOLLIPOP
....Fine. But keep the volume down.
Carrie taps on her phone, and Orgasmatron comes on. VERY LOUD.
LOLLIPOP
TOO LOUD!
CARAMEL CANE
LEMMY SAYS, “IF IT’S TOO LOUD, YOU’RE TOO OLD!!!”
The door to the room bursts open, and there is a very annoyed looking Stacey Allen.
STACEY ALLEN
TURN THAT SHIT DOWN!!!
CARAMEL CANE
Speaking of old...
STACEY ALLEN
Wait.... WHAT’S WITH ALL THIS BOOZE?!
HEIDI AUSTIN
Booze? What booze? I don’t see any booze?
STACEY ALLEN
CARRIE HAS A BOTTLE OF RUM IN HER MOUTH RIGHT NOW!!!!
Lollipop whacks Caramel upside the head, causing her to spit rum right in Lolly’s face.
Stacey glares at her proteges in turn.
STACEY ALLEN
..so, how did all this alcohol get here? Anyone got an idea or do I have to pick one of you at random to explain it? Hmm?
She glares at them but nobody meets her head on with eye contact so Stacey does the only logical thing.
STACEY ALLEN
Have it your way then..eeenie, meanie, money mo--catch a drunkard by the toe, oh I don’t know ROBERT!
Bobby Ears
AAAAAH!
STACEY ALLEN
Robert, sweetheart, do you have the slightest of inkling how this alcohol got here?
The bare knuckle boxer seemed rather like he was sitting on hot coals.
Bobby Ears
Umm..maybe the room service did it, or the cleaners, you know how hard it is to hire good help these days with the world economy and global employment being the way it is and..
STACEY ALLEN
Oh I just LOATHE it when the staff leave free booze all over my place, hate it when that happens..
The group let out a nervous chuckle along to her joke.
STACEY ALLEN
I haven’t heard such thick bullshit from anyone named Farage since..oh nevermind, tell me Bobby did you come up with all of that by yourself, or did one of these evil harlots put you up to it?
HEIDI AUSTIN
I’M NOT EVIL!
CARAMEL CANE
I’M NOT A HARLOT!
Both look at Lollipop, who shrugs.
LOLLIPOP
Speak for your fucking selves.
STACEY ALLEN
ENOUGH! I will be taking all of this.... Contriband. And as I hate to see good drinks going to waste, I suppose I’ll have to drink them all myself. The things I do for you children, and do I get any gratitude? Do I heck.
HEIDI AUSTIN
When did Stacey become Jewish?
LOLLIPOP
I think she just likes circumsized dicks.
STACEY ALLEN
SILENCE! Caramel, pass me the alcohol, please.
Caramel Cane glances up from her bottle, glaring at Stacey.
CARAMEL CANE
No.
Stacey looks angry, walking over to Cane and getting into her face.
STACEY ALLEN
You braindead? I said give me the fucking booze!
She shoves Cane, who ignores her, taking another swig.
CARAMEL CANE
Make me.
Bobby, Heidi & Lollipop all dive to hide in the corner of the room.
LOLLIPOP
When Carrie dies in like two minutes, you guys will find me a new girlfriend, right?
Stacey smacks the bottle out of Cane’s hand, where it drops to the floor, rum spilling out over the carpet. Cane looks down, before looking back up at Stacey, who smacks Caramel in the face.
STACEY ALLEN
STUPID KID! HOW DARE YOU DEFY ME!
She goes to smack her again, but Cane kinda drunk stumbles away from the fist. Annoyed, Allen goes to hit her again, then a third time, but Cane weaves away from every single one.
STACEY ALLEN
Stand still you little shit!
Cane looks into her eyes.
CARAMEL CANE
I know drunk-fu.
STACEY ALLEN
What?!
*POW*
Cane smashes Allen in the face, causing the seemingly invincible Dream Killer to crumple.. Cane starts kicking her and stomping her, yelling with every strike.
CARAMEL CANE
YOU. WASTED. GOOD. RUM. YOU. FUCKING. CUNT!!!
HEIDI AUSTIN
Bobby, stop her! She’s gonna kill her!
BOBBY EARS
Why I gotta be the one to stop her?
LOLLIPOP
Hey, if she does kill her, we can get back to drinking!
Heidi thinks about this for a moment.
HEIDI AUSTIN
Bobby, stay right here/
Stacey is trying to get up and fight back, but the drunken Cane is far too powerful for a mere two company hall of famer to handle.
STACEY ALLEN
ENOUGH! I QUIT! I QUIT!
Carrie stops as Lollipop gasps.
LOLLIPOP
OMG! EVEN THE GREAT VINCENT BELMONT COULDN’T MAKE HER ACTUALLY QUIT!!!
BOBBY EARS
Who?!
HEIDI AUSTIN
Oh you know, that dude from Castlevania, we just watched it on NETFLIX last night!
BOBBY EARS
OHHHH..that one!
STACEY ALLEN
What vania?!
HEIDI AUSTIN
CASTLEVANIA, It’s such a great anime they made a video game franchise of it, killing vampires is why I love 2021!
BOBBY EARS
Wait..that show had VAMPIRES on it?!
STACEY ALLEN
EN-- *cough cough* ......enough. Hmm...
She glances around at the empty bottles, then looks at Carrie.
STACEY ALLEN
Why can’t you fight like that in the ring?
Carrie shrugs.
CARAMEL CANE
I get the shakes, I get nervous. All those fans watching, it kinda scares me.
STACEY ALLEN
I thought I scared you?
CARAMEL CANE
You do. But with Orgasmatron playing, and all the feel good buzz off the rum... I felt like I could have taken on God himself. Not that I would, he’s sound as fuck.
STACEY ALLEN
You know God?
CARAMEL CANE
LEMMY IS GOD, AND HE’S SOUND AS FUCK!!!
STACEY ALLEN
Well, I’ve been reading up on my theology, and...
CARAMEL CANE
POP, ANOTHER BOTTLE! I’MMA KICK HER ASS AGAIN!
Stacey squeaks and runs, opening the door, only peeking her head back around.
STACEY ALLEN
I... I’m gonna let you guys enjoy your night. We’ll meet for a meeting tomorrow. I’ve got a plan so cunning you could put a tail on it and call it a weasel!
She scarpers off right before Carrie’s fist smacks her. Lollipop runs up giving her the biggest hug ever.
LOLLIPOP
YAY! YOU’RE THE BEST! YOU ARE GETTING ALL OF THE LAID TONIGHT!!!
Caramel shrugs.
CARAMEL CANE
Not now I’m drinking.
(Off Camera)
CARAMEL CANE
I hope he gets here soon. I’ve got the shakes.
Since Stacey had shown up in Reno, she had been working the Crush ragged. Arduous, punishing training and fitness drills, early evening curfews and alcohol rationing. None of these things sat well with any of the three girls, but Carrie in particular was really struggling. In her and Lollipop’s room, they were hiding out with Heidi.
Bobby was apparently exempt from the Crush’s torture, and was using his position to smuggle drinks in to the girls. Sure enough, the man of the moment arrives, carting bags of booze.
CARAMEL CANE
BOBBY! You’re a fucking lifesaver.
HEIDI AUSTIN
SHHH! Quiet, you don’t wanna wake the dragon. Thank you sweetie, I owe you one.
The East End native smiles and blushes a bit.
BOBBY EARS
Anything for you my love..
CARAMEL CANE
As romantic as this mushy shit is, drink me Bobby!
HEIDI AUSTIN
You know you could open your own bottle.
CARAMEL CANE
Yeah and YOU could help by doing it for me but neither seems to work so shush it, Robert, drink!
HEIDI AUSTIN
Be nice!
CARAMEL CANE
Bloody PLEASE!
Robert Farage a.k.a Bobby Ears offers his friend an open bottle of rum and an open bottle of coke.
BOBBY EARS
Women can multitask, right?
Carrie takes inspiration from the old Irish sitcom favourite Father Jack and starts pouring the contents of both bottles into her gullet.
LOLLIPOP
You’ve no idea. One time Carrie & me were in bed and...
HEIDI AUSTIN
...Not till four drinks in, Lolly, I swear to God.
The girls (and Bobby) were having a convivial evening together, by which I of course mean getting plastered. Unfortunately, Caramel seemed really, really bad at this whole being quiet thing.
CARAMEL CANE
I’m putting on some fucking Motörhead!
LOLLIPOP
NO! Carrie, you’ll wake the boss up!
CARAMEL CANE
You can’t drink without Lemmy. It would be like going to church when God is on holiday.
LOLLIPOP
....Fine. But keep the volume down.
Carrie taps on her phone, and Orgasmatron comes on. VERY LOUD.
LOLLIPOP
TOO LOUD!
CARAMEL CANE
LEMMY SAYS, “IF IT’S TOO LOUD, YOU’RE TOO OLD!!!”
The door to the room bursts open, and there is a very annoyed looking Stacey Allen.
STACEY ALLEN
TURN THAT SHIT DOWN!!!
CARAMEL CANE
Speaking of old...
STACEY ALLEN
Wait.... WHAT’S WITH ALL THIS BOOZE?!
HEIDI AUSTIN
Booze? What booze? I don’t see any booze?
STACEY ALLEN
CARRIE HAS A BOTTLE OF RUM IN HER MOUTH RIGHT NOW!!!!
Lollipop whacks Caramel upside the head, causing her to spit rum right in Lolly’s face.
Stacey glares at her proteges in turn.
STACEY ALLEN
..so, how did all this alcohol get here? Anyone got an idea or do I have to pick one of you at random to explain it? Hmm?
She glares at them but nobody meets her head on with eye contact so Stacey does the only logical thing.
STACEY ALLEN
Have it your way then..eeenie, meanie, money mo--catch a drunkard by the toe, oh I don’t know ROBERT!
Bobby Ears
AAAAAH!
STACEY ALLEN
Robert, sweetheart, do you have the slightest of inkling how this alcohol got here?
The bare knuckle boxer seemed rather like he was sitting on hot coals.
Bobby Ears
Umm..maybe the room service did it, or the cleaners, you know how hard it is to hire good help these days with the world economy and global employment being the way it is and..
STACEY ALLEN
Oh I just LOATHE it when the staff leave free booze all over my place, hate it when that happens..
The group let out a nervous chuckle along to her joke.
STACEY ALLEN
I haven’t heard such thick bullshit from anyone named Farage since..oh nevermind, tell me Bobby did you come up with all of that by yourself, or did one of these evil harlots put you up to it?
HEIDI AUSTIN
I’M NOT EVIL!
CARAMEL CANE
I’M NOT A HARLOT!
Both look at Lollipop, who shrugs.
LOLLIPOP
Speak for your fucking selves.
STACEY ALLEN
ENOUGH! I will be taking all of this.... Contriband. And as I hate to see good drinks going to waste, I suppose I’ll have to drink them all myself. The things I do for you children, and do I get any gratitude? Do I heck.
HEIDI AUSTIN
When did Stacey become Jewish?
LOLLIPOP
I think she just likes circumsized dicks.
STACEY ALLEN
SILENCE! Caramel, pass me the alcohol, please.
Caramel Cane glances up from her bottle, glaring at Stacey.
CARAMEL CANE
No.
Stacey looks angry, walking over to Cane and getting into her face.
STACEY ALLEN
You braindead? I said give me the fucking booze!
She shoves Cane, who ignores her, taking another swig.
CARAMEL CANE
Make me.
Bobby, Heidi & Lollipop all dive to hide in the corner of the room.
LOLLIPOP
When Carrie dies in like two minutes, you guys will find me a new girlfriend, right?
Stacey smacks the bottle out of Cane’s hand, where it drops to the floor, rum spilling out over the carpet. Cane looks down, before looking back up at Stacey, who smacks Caramel in the face.
STACEY ALLEN
STUPID KID! HOW DARE YOU DEFY ME!
She goes to smack her again, but Cane kinda drunk stumbles away from the fist. Annoyed, Allen goes to hit her again, then a third time, but Cane weaves away from every single one.
STACEY ALLEN
Stand still you little shit!
Cane looks into her eyes.
CARAMEL CANE
I know drunk-fu.
STACEY ALLEN
What?!
*POW*
Cane smashes Allen in the face, causing the seemingly invincible Dream Killer to crumple.. Cane starts kicking her and stomping her, yelling with every strike.
CARAMEL CANE
YOU. WASTED. GOOD. RUM. YOU. FUCKING. CUNT!!!
HEIDI AUSTIN
Bobby, stop her! She’s gonna kill her!
BOBBY EARS
Why I gotta be the one to stop her?
LOLLIPOP
Hey, if she does kill her, we can get back to drinking!
Heidi thinks about this for a moment.
HEIDI AUSTIN
Bobby, stay right here/
Stacey is trying to get up and fight back, but the drunken Cane is far too powerful for a mere two company hall of famer to handle.
STACEY ALLEN
ENOUGH! I QUIT! I QUIT!
Carrie stops as Lollipop gasps.
LOLLIPOP
OMG! EVEN THE GREAT VINCENT BELMONT COULDN’T MAKE HER ACTUALLY QUIT!!!
BOBBY EARS
Who?!
HEIDI AUSTIN
Oh you know, that dude from Castlevania, we just watched it on NETFLIX last night!
BOBBY EARS
OHHHH..that one!
STACEY ALLEN
What vania?!
HEIDI AUSTIN
CASTLEVANIA, It’s such a great anime they made a video game franchise of it, killing vampires is why I love 2021!
BOBBY EARS
Wait..that show had VAMPIRES on it?!
STACEY ALLEN
EN-- *cough cough* ......enough. Hmm...
She glances around at the empty bottles, then looks at Carrie.
STACEY ALLEN
Why can’t you fight like that in the ring?
Carrie shrugs.
CARAMEL CANE
I get the shakes, I get nervous. All those fans watching, it kinda scares me.
STACEY ALLEN
I thought I scared you?
CARAMEL CANE
You do. But with Orgasmatron playing, and all the feel good buzz off the rum... I felt like I could have taken on God himself. Not that I would, he’s sound as fuck.
STACEY ALLEN
You know God?
CARAMEL CANE
LEMMY IS GOD, AND HE’S SOUND AS FUCK!!!
STACEY ALLEN
Well, I’ve been reading up on my theology, and...
CARAMEL CANE
POP, ANOTHER BOTTLE! I’MMA KICK HER ASS AGAIN!
Stacey squeaks and runs, opening the door, only peeking her head back around.
STACEY ALLEN
I... I’m gonna let you guys enjoy your night. We’ll meet for a meeting tomorrow. I’ve got a plan so cunning you could put a tail on it and call it a weasel!
She scarpers off right before Carrie’s fist smacks her. Lollipop runs up giving her the biggest hug ever.
LOLLIPOP
YAY! YOU’RE THE BEST! YOU ARE GETTING ALL OF THE LAID TONIGHT!!!
Caramel shrugs.
CARAMEL CANE
Not now I’m drinking.
Heidi turns to Bobby and smirks.
HEIDI AUSTIN
Hey, if she can do that to Stacey, just think what she'll do to the Heroes for Hire!
Bobby nods.
BOBBY EARS
Load her up on rum, I'll bring the boombox.
Load her up on rum, I'll bring the boombox.