Post by Deleted on May 27, 2021 10:11:38 GMT -5
CRUSH AND BURN
(OFF CAMERA)
We join your girls (and boi in Bobby’s case) clustered outside the hotel, and it’s fair to say they all look somewhat nervous, bordering on petrified. Following... let’s just say less than stellar results, the Crush Boss was coming to Reno. Caramel, who had been forced by the group to stay sober till two in the afternoon, seemed more agitated than most.
CARAMEL CANE
You... you don’t think she’s gonna call in the bar tab, do you?
LOLLIPOP
Gods I hope not. We don’t have the money to pay that shit off. We’ll have to send Bobby into prostitution.
HEIDI AUSTIN
HEY! WHY the hell Bobby gotta do that?
LOLLIPOP
He’s the best looking of the four of us. Just makes sense.
Bobby Ears nods along, I mean it was true.
HEIDI AUSTIN
Before you start pimping my boyfriend out to half of Reno, I think you guys are overreacting. I mean... what’s she actually gonna do? She’s 100 lbs soaking wet, it’s not like she can force us to do a damn thing. There’s FOUR of us, all trained fighters. What’s a little cockney runt gonna do?
CARAMEL CANE
SHHH!!! SHE MIGHT HEAR YOU!
HEIDI AUSTIN
SHE’S NOT HERE!!!
LOLLIPOP
You... you don’t get it. She’s crazy these days. And basically the best wrestler that ever existed ever in the eververse. Four people ain’t gonna do shit.
Heidi snorted.
HEIDI AUSTIN
I really think you’re overselling this. How bad can she be?
CARAMEL CANE
THE ROLLS!!!! IT’S COMING! AAAAAHHHHHHH!!!
HEIDI AUSTIN
Really? What are you two, a bunch of cowards, that’s our friend, we haven’t seen her in ages and..
She stops mid sentence and looks over her shoulder.
HEIDI AUSTIN
ROBERT NIGEL FARAGE ARE YOU HIDING BEHIND MY BACK?!?
We hear the gravely voice of Bobby..
BOBBY EARS
Bloody hell, the whole name..it’s not like this could get any worse.
HEIDI AUSTIN
You are a bare knuckle fighter, one of the toughest blokes of whole of London and England and you are hiding from..her?
BOBBY EARS
..she’s from there too, there’s a reason why I’m the toughest bloke. I’m not fighting Stace, nope. Not a bloke.
The Texas native looks around in disgust.
HEIDI AUSTIN
How the flying fuck are we supposed to win the Trios Championship if you can’t even stand up to your own friend?
Lollipop shudders.
LOLLIPOP
OH JEEZ, JEEVES IS GETTING OUT!!!
Sure enough, Jeeves has gotten out of the now parked Rolls Royce Phantom, carrying what appears to be a subwoofer. He places it down beside the vehicle, with the power cord presumably connected inside somewhere.
HEIDI AUSTIN
What’s with the electricals?
CARAMEL CANE
She’s coming...
Jeeves clicks on the subwoofer, and Waterproof Blonde’s “Come On” plays at a solid 70 decibles.
CARAMEL CANE
OH LAWD, SHE’S COMING!!!
HEIDI AUSTIN
She gets an ENTRANCE to a hotel?
Jeeves opens the back door to the car, and out steps the woman, the myth, the legend, the two time Hall of Fame boss of the Crush. She stares around for a moment as a few paparazzis who got the tip off fire camera shutters at her. One brave soul even pipes up.
PAPPO
MISS STACEY ALLEN! How are you? How was your trip?
Stacey tilts her head to one side, looking at the guy, before she swings the punch of a boxing heavyweight, knocking the guy clean on his ass. The remaning cameramen all yell and scramble. Stacey looks down at her fist, takes a moment to adjust her customary business tie before stepping forward.
HEIDI AUSTIN
Okay guys, here she co--GUYS?!
She looks behind her, where Bobby is still hiding, now with Lollipop hiding behind him and Caramel cowering in a corner behind her.
HEIDI AUSTIN
Oh for God’s sakes... watch, it’s going to be fine.
Heidi walks forward to greet Stacey.
HEIDI AUSTIN
HEY STACE! So great to finally see you ag--
*WHACK*
Stacey cracks the giant woman round the head, before the diminutive devil hoists the woman probably twice her size on her shoulders and drops her with her signature Kiss of Death on the floor. Carrie and Lollipop scream and dive into the bushes, whereas Bobby stands paralyzed with fear his voice was more of a whisper.
BOBBY EARS
My god, you bloody killed her..
This snaps the East Ender of her trance and she giggles.
STACEY ALLEN
Nah, she’ll be fine, besides, what the hell kind of way is that to greet an old friend, no hello? No hugs? Robert..I’m disappointed, get over here..
Bobby kneels to check on Heidi.
BOBBY EARS
..muffin, you ok--
STACEY ALLEN
GET OVER HERE! NOW!
He darts up and goes to her as she grabs him to a bearhug.
STACEY ALLEN
Awww I missed you so much! Sorry you got stuck with all these useless bints!
Meanwhile in the bushes, Caramel whispers to Lollipop.
CARAMEL CANE
...You think everything’s okay?
LOLLIPOP
Er... well, she’s hugging Bobby. Fuck it, let’s go say hello.
Lollipop & Caramel walk up where Stacey has just released Bobby, who now needs to catch his breath. Both hold their arms out for a hug.
LOLLIPOP
HEY STACE! We... AHHHH!!
Stacey grabs one each of Lollipop & Carrie’s arms and wrenches their wrist tight.
STACEY ALLEN
YOU USELESS PAIR OF CLOWNS!
CARAMEL CANE
Owwwwwww....
She lets go forefully as Caramel starts crying.
CARAMEL CANE
No clowns, I mean of all the things, but they like... I don’t wanna... AAAH! Noses! BIG SHOES!!!
Stacey glares at Caramel.
WHAT THE BUGGER ARE YOU BLITHERING ON ABOUT WOMAN?
LOLLIPOP
She really doesn’t like clowns...
Grumbling, Stacey reaches into her jacket pocket and pulls out a hip flask, shoving it into Carrie’s grasp.
STACEY ALLEN
Drink this. I can’t be fucking dealing with your withdrawal bullshit right now.
Carrie starts happily chugging as Bobby finally manages to get Heidi on her feet. Fair to say, the Texan is not fucking happy. She storms over to the group.
HEIDI AUSTIN
Hey, that was kinda...
*WHACK*
Stacey backfists Heidi in the face without even turning around.
STACEY ALLEN
Enough of this. Your performances, all three of you, have been unacceptable. Disgusting. Bottom of the barrel standard. So I have come here to sort this shit out personally.
LOLLIPOP
...You’re gonna fight yourself?
STACEY ALLEN
I mean... if Brad Jackson has a spare ten million, we’ll talk, but... NO. Look, I thought I could rely on Jeeves to get you guys functioning as a unit, but...
She yanks the flask out of Carrie’s mouth before continuing.
STACEY ALLEN
Clearly that shit ain’t working. Jeeves, you a grade A buffoon.
JEEVES
Appreciated, Miss Stacey.
STACEY ALLEN
So this is how it’s gonna go. From now on, I will be handling all managerial duties of the Crush PERSONALLY. Training. Diet. I mean look how fat Lollipop’s getting. You better not be preggers!
CARAMEL CANE
I QUITE AGREE!!! That would take some explaining!
STACEY ALLEN
SO yes. Training. Diet. Schedule.
CARAMEL CANE
....Drinks budget?
Stacey smacks her round the head.
STACEY ALLEN
NO! I’m rationing your alcohol intake! You have a daily two unit MAXIMUM. I wouldn’t even give you that, but I appreciate that Caramel’s brain needs alcohol to function, so thank her, I guess.
We hear a desperate shriek as Carrie throws her arms up the air
CARAMEL CANE
JESUS JUST KILL ME NOW! THIS IS NO WAY TO LIVE, Eli, Eli, Lema Sabachthani??!
BOBBY EARS
Bloody hell she’s speaking in tongues! Someone get an exorcist!
STACEY ALLEN
You guys don’t need an exorcist, you need exercise! THREE LAPS AROUND THE HOTEL GROUNDS, GO!!!
HEIDI AUSTIN
WHAT? It’s like three acres...
STACEY ALLEN
NOW!!!!
The girls start running. Bobby goes to as well, but Stacey stops him.
STACEY ALLEN
Jeevesie, keep an eye on the girls. Me & Bobby are going inside for a drinkie-poo. He’s going to fill me in on the latest matches and we’ll strategize, think you could manage watching those three bints over for a spell and not fumble it up?
The dry expresionless butler responded with the only way you could to someone like Stacey Allen.
JEEVES
Yes, quite.
(OFF CAMERA)
We join your girls (and boi in Bobby’s case) clustered outside the hotel, and it’s fair to say they all look somewhat nervous, bordering on petrified. Following... let’s just say less than stellar results, the Crush Boss was coming to Reno. Caramel, who had been forced by the group to stay sober till two in the afternoon, seemed more agitated than most.
CARAMEL CANE
You... you don’t think she’s gonna call in the bar tab, do you?
LOLLIPOP
Gods I hope not. We don’t have the money to pay that shit off. We’ll have to send Bobby into prostitution.
HEIDI AUSTIN
HEY! WHY the hell Bobby gotta do that?
LOLLIPOP
He’s the best looking of the four of us. Just makes sense.
Bobby Ears nods along, I mean it was true.
HEIDI AUSTIN
Before you start pimping my boyfriend out to half of Reno, I think you guys are overreacting. I mean... what’s she actually gonna do? She’s 100 lbs soaking wet, it’s not like she can force us to do a damn thing. There’s FOUR of us, all trained fighters. What’s a little cockney runt gonna do?
CARAMEL CANE
SHHH!!! SHE MIGHT HEAR YOU!
HEIDI AUSTIN
SHE’S NOT HERE!!!
LOLLIPOP
You... you don’t get it. She’s crazy these days. And basically the best wrestler that ever existed ever in the eververse. Four people ain’t gonna do shit.
Heidi snorted.
HEIDI AUSTIN
I really think you’re overselling this. How bad can she be?
CARAMEL CANE
THE ROLLS!!!! IT’S COMING! AAAAAHHHHHHH!!!
HEIDI AUSTIN
Really? What are you two, a bunch of cowards, that’s our friend, we haven’t seen her in ages and..
She stops mid sentence and looks over her shoulder.
HEIDI AUSTIN
ROBERT NIGEL FARAGE ARE YOU HIDING BEHIND MY BACK?!?
We hear the gravely voice of Bobby..
BOBBY EARS
Bloody hell, the whole name..it’s not like this could get any worse.
HEIDI AUSTIN
You are a bare knuckle fighter, one of the toughest blokes of whole of London and England and you are hiding from..her?
BOBBY EARS
..she’s from there too, there’s a reason why I’m the toughest bloke. I’m not fighting Stace, nope. Not a bloke.
The Texas native looks around in disgust.
HEIDI AUSTIN
How the flying fuck are we supposed to win the Trios Championship if you can’t even stand up to your own friend?
Lollipop shudders.
LOLLIPOP
OH JEEZ, JEEVES IS GETTING OUT!!!
Sure enough, Jeeves has gotten out of the now parked Rolls Royce Phantom, carrying what appears to be a subwoofer. He places it down beside the vehicle, with the power cord presumably connected inside somewhere.
HEIDI AUSTIN
What’s with the electricals?
CARAMEL CANE
She’s coming...
Jeeves clicks on the subwoofer, and Waterproof Blonde’s “Come On” plays at a solid 70 decibles.
CARAMEL CANE
OH LAWD, SHE’S COMING!!!
HEIDI AUSTIN
She gets an ENTRANCE to a hotel?
Jeeves opens the back door to the car, and out steps the woman, the myth, the legend, the two time Hall of Fame boss of the Crush. She stares around for a moment as a few paparazzis who got the tip off fire camera shutters at her. One brave soul even pipes up.
PAPPO
MISS STACEY ALLEN! How are you? How was your trip?
Stacey tilts her head to one side, looking at the guy, before she swings the punch of a boxing heavyweight, knocking the guy clean on his ass. The remaning cameramen all yell and scramble. Stacey looks down at her fist, takes a moment to adjust her customary business tie before stepping forward.
HEIDI AUSTIN
Okay guys, here she co--GUYS?!
She looks behind her, where Bobby is still hiding, now with Lollipop hiding behind him and Caramel cowering in a corner behind her.
HEIDI AUSTIN
Oh for God’s sakes... watch, it’s going to be fine.
Heidi walks forward to greet Stacey.
HEIDI AUSTIN
HEY STACE! So great to finally see you ag--
*WHACK*
Stacey cracks the giant woman round the head, before the diminutive devil hoists the woman probably twice her size on her shoulders and drops her with her signature Kiss of Death on the floor. Carrie and Lollipop scream and dive into the bushes, whereas Bobby stands paralyzed with fear his voice was more of a whisper.
BOBBY EARS
My god, you bloody killed her..
This snaps the East Ender of her trance and she giggles.
STACEY ALLEN
Nah, she’ll be fine, besides, what the hell kind of way is that to greet an old friend, no hello? No hugs? Robert..I’m disappointed, get over here..
Bobby kneels to check on Heidi.
BOBBY EARS
..muffin, you ok--
STACEY ALLEN
GET OVER HERE! NOW!
He darts up and goes to her as she grabs him to a bearhug.
STACEY ALLEN
Awww I missed you so much! Sorry you got stuck with all these useless bints!
Meanwhile in the bushes, Caramel whispers to Lollipop.
CARAMEL CANE
...You think everything’s okay?
LOLLIPOP
Er... well, she’s hugging Bobby. Fuck it, let’s go say hello.
Lollipop & Caramel walk up where Stacey has just released Bobby, who now needs to catch his breath. Both hold their arms out for a hug.
LOLLIPOP
HEY STACE! We... AHHHH!!
Stacey grabs one each of Lollipop & Carrie’s arms and wrenches their wrist tight.
STACEY ALLEN
YOU USELESS PAIR OF CLOWNS!
CARAMEL CANE
Owwwwwww....
She lets go forefully as Caramel starts crying.
CARAMEL CANE
No clowns, I mean of all the things, but they like... I don’t wanna... AAAH! Noses! BIG SHOES!!!
Stacey glares at Caramel.
WHAT THE BUGGER ARE YOU BLITHERING ON ABOUT WOMAN?
LOLLIPOP
She really doesn’t like clowns...
Grumbling, Stacey reaches into her jacket pocket and pulls out a hip flask, shoving it into Carrie’s grasp.
STACEY ALLEN
Drink this. I can’t be fucking dealing with your withdrawal bullshit right now.
Carrie starts happily chugging as Bobby finally manages to get Heidi on her feet. Fair to say, the Texan is not fucking happy. She storms over to the group.
HEIDI AUSTIN
Hey, that was kinda...
*WHACK*
Stacey backfists Heidi in the face without even turning around.
STACEY ALLEN
Enough of this. Your performances, all three of you, have been unacceptable. Disgusting. Bottom of the barrel standard. So I have come here to sort this shit out personally.
LOLLIPOP
...You’re gonna fight yourself?
STACEY ALLEN
I mean... if Brad Jackson has a spare ten million, we’ll talk, but... NO. Look, I thought I could rely on Jeeves to get you guys functioning as a unit, but...
She yanks the flask out of Carrie’s mouth before continuing.
STACEY ALLEN
Clearly that shit ain’t working. Jeeves, you a grade A buffoon.
JEEVES
Appreciated, Miss Stacey.
STACEY ALLEN
So this is how it’s gonna go. From now on, I will be handling all managerial duties of the Crush PERSONALLY. Training. Diet. I mean look how fat Lollipop’s getting. You better not be preggers!
CARAMEL CANE
I QUITE AGREE!!! That would take some explaining!
STACEY ALLEN
SO yes. Training. Diet. Schedule.
CARAMEL CANE
....Drinks budget?
Stacey smacks her round the head.
STACEY ALLEN
NO! I’m rationing your alcohol intake! You have a daily two unit MAXIMUM. I wouldn’t even give you that, but I appreciate that Caramel’s brain needs alcohol to function, so thank her, I guess.
We hear a desperate shriek as Carrie throws her arms up the air
CARAMEL CANE
JESUS JUST KILL ME NOW! THIS IS NO WAY TO LIVE, Eli, Eli, Lema Sabachthani??!
BOBBY EARS
Bloody hell she’s speaking in tongues! Someone get an exorcist!
STACEY ALLEN
You guys don’t need an exorcist, you need exercise! THREE LAPS AROUND THE HOTEL GROUNDS, GO!!!
HEIDI AUSTIN
WHAT? It’s like three acres...
STACEY ALLEN
NOW!!!!
The girls start running. Bobby goes to as well, but Stacey stops him.
STACEY ALLEN
Jeevesie, keep an eye on the girls. Me & Bobby are going inside for a drinkie-poo. He’s going to fill me in on the latest matches and we’ll strategize, think you could manage watching those three bints over for a spell and not fumble it up?
The dry expresionless butler responded with the only way you could to someone like Stacey Allen.
JEEVES
Yes, quite.