Post by Deleted on Jan 14, 2021 9:16:34 GMT -5
“Still it might be nice, once in a while, not to have to choose between evils. Just once, couldn't I choose the lesser good?”
― Laurell K. Hamilton, Danse Macabre
Squires Atlantic City
Atlantic City, NJ
12.01.2021
5:07am
The front door opens as Jan van der Roost strides into his training facility. Dressed in warmup gear and with a bag over his shoulder, he simply shakes his head as he looks up towards the ring on the raised platform in the middle of the converted warehouse. Fishing through the bag, he takes out an envelope and holds it towards the ring.
“At least this time you knocked.”
A half laugh is heard off camera as Jan places the envelope back in the bag and walks towards the edge of the raised platform. He drops the bag at ringside, unzips his jacket and places it on the bag. He hops up on the apron, wipes his feet on the mat then climbs into the ring.
“It is good to see you again.”
"Likewise and under better circumstances as well."
Leaning heavily, back first, against the ropes on the far side- Amber Ryan allowed herself another small chuckle. Her relationship with the Dutchman had been a more curious one than most… Strong allies and yet only finding each other in their worst times.
Jan had stitched more of her wounds and washed his hands of more of her blood than potentially any opponent she might ever had- without laying a finger of violence on her. Amber, provided a challenge previously not experienced by the veteran trainer and with that had come destructive consequences on more than one occasion.
With a wary smile, she watched the Dutchman pace fluidly- he belonged in the ring, not a moment of wasted motion not hesitation. For someone like Amber, a known unorthodox, it was almost disconcerting as though she hadn't witnessed this same thing a thousand times before.
"I hope this isn't a bad time, Jan.”
“It is never a bad time to get a workout in. And it is never a bad time to get to work with you. What with the family and all…"I got your note, and I will say I was slightly surprised that you decided to come back early… Then again, it is you and never have you followed rules or doctors orders before, so why should now be any different.”
Amber paused knowingly, word had indeed spread fast and like a wildfire it had torched connections along the way. Coming back early was an understatement, but Jan was always an understated kinda guy- something Amber appreciated in a world where everyone was determined to be turned up to 11.
"Straight to the heart of the matter I see. A doctor can't tell me how I feel, or what I think… objective opinion is fine until you try to put it into practice."
Practice was exactly why she was here- even pacing the ring, she could feel the rust and something else… something that hampered her movement far more than a heavily taped ankle straining to swell beyond its bonds. Something she'd found herself strangely unfamiliar with and was determined to keep buried for the sake of her career.
“You know what is best, not them, not me.”
He watched her labored gait, but also watched her eyes. She was determined to do this, even if her body was trying to refuse to let her do so. But… there was more, he didn’t dare press it though. Through trials and tribulations of the past few years, Jan knows when to speak with Amber, and when to stay silent, letting her make the decision to open up. He gave a half-hearted attack to see how her equilibrium was. To anyone else, this would seem like torture. To Jan, it’s just another day working with the Painted Hurricane.
"What's best? Bit of a strong statement… no one should trust my judgement."
Slow reaction. She could feel it, sure she dodged however it was late, like moving through molasses. Resistance was growing in her joints, however she smiled through the gritted teeth in hopes that maybe she could feign her way through the exchange.
“If you were anyone else, you would be correct.”
Her physical reactions were visibly slow, yet her wit and candor were at 110%. He exhaled, ready to take the fight to her, but he was laid back and took things very easy, as if he was working with a first day trainee, rather than a wrestler of her pedigree. He has seen her in many situations, as ally and as adversary, but never had she been quite like this.
"You have far too much faith in me, especially for a man who's taken some of my worst."
A face full of tacks and fire had constituted that, an accident and mistake but an action of violence nonetheless. Amber's coy smile transitioned into something a little more pensive as she watched Jan- most importantly watching him handle her like she were fragile… broken.
Looks like she had to prove herself to Jan as well as everyone else.
Especially herself.
Despite the resistance, she covered the distance between them fast- planting her good foot down so that she might launch a reckless knee at the older man's head. She knew he'd simply dodge, sidestep the attempt but it wasn't about the impact… it was about the proof of effort.
Proof she could still go...
He did as expected, dodging to the side, and his senses went on alert. Adrenaline was an amazing elixir and despite the visible issues, she did not want to be handled with kit gloves. As he saw her turn slowly upon her landing, he grabbed her good arm and threw her to the mat. His knee placed purposely behind the shoulder as he stood over her.
“Never take you lightly. That was the first thing I learned about you.”
A small chuckle escaped the redhead, allowing a moment to pass between them. False sense of security, allow an opponent to think they have an advantage- yeah… she'd been waiting for an opponent to try this.
Shifting her body slightly, she exploded to the side with a violent roll breaking Jan's grip and escaping his pinning knee forcing him to catch himself before stumbling forward and in that moment Amber rolled to her feet, landing with an unintentional stomp.
A mistake.
A severe jolt radiated up through her leg, her ankle buckling slightly under the weight forcing her to take a moment. Shaking it out, she feigned just landing a little off- trying to swallow the swear words bubbling up in her throat and the taste of bile on the back of her tongue.
"You know, you say that and then you come at me like I'm a rookie."
Deflection and charades. Part of her would feel bad about this later no doubt.
Everything she did… it felt, what was the word, forced maybe. Things that came naturally felt as though she'd barely ever successfully done them and her body struggled against her own momentum.
What the fuck was wrong with her?
He got back to a knee and turned to see the shake. Knowing he couldn’t take it easy, he did the only thing he could, and she would respect.
He attacked.
The Dutchman shot like a cannon towards her, scooping the leg with the bad ankle and sweeping the other, dropping her to the mat. His grip was extremely loose, instead of trying to twist, but just the motions of the move, caused something he has never heard from Amber.
Pain.
“Shit.”
He cursed himself as he let go of the hold, sitting on the mat, visibly disgusted with himself. The last thing he wanted to do and that she needed, was inflict more harm.
Amber rolled beneath the bottom rope and perched herself upright on the apron edge. Facade cleaved in two, cards laid bare on the table and that feigned confidence that was just fine… well, that lay stone dead on that may where she'd found herself moments earlier.
"You stopped. Why did you stop?"
She didn't mean to sound angry, hell she didn't even mean to say it aloud- but she had… Shooting pains raced up her right leg, every nerve firing on all cylinders and her senses heightened to the point she might start to smell colour and see sound.
“Because there is more to this than just shaking off the rust for us both.”
He crawls over and slides under the bottom rope, sitting beside her on the apron.
“This is not like your shoulder that you can just pop back in when the time is needed. Your attacking prowess is based off of strikes, meaning you need a strong base to launch those from. Working on one leg does not give you a base to strike from. We need… an alternate plan.”
Amber scoffed, running her fingers through the tangled mess of red falling around her face.
"What I need Jan, is to be better… faster, stronger. I need to feel like I'm not walking through water all the time.
I need to be… I need to be me."
Amber slipped off the apron edge, all this closeness and concern was suffocating. It wasn't as though she disagreed with Jan, she had her first match back coming up and found herself barely weight bearing after a minor attack.
She didn't come here to change though, she came here to be the same as ever.
Trying to hide the limp was pointless, yet it didn't stop her trying. Frustration seeping out of her pores as readily as the sweat sheening on her skin.
"Ok."
He knew there was nothing else left to say. She was determined to do it her way. The Dutchman rolled back into the ring, standing in the center, ready to do what she wanted… but not what he wanted.
"C'mon."
Amber paused, she knew he was reluctant. This… this right here was why she hated what this goddamn industry made her. A constant fight or die, as if there wasn't any other choice staring her straight in the face.
Forcing someone's hand just cause she had something to prove- it was toxic, god… she was toxic.
"Just forget it, Jan. It ain't worth it."
What she really meant though, was SHE wasn't worth it.
"Since when do you quit?"
He sits down in the middle of the ring, collecting his thoughts.
"Do you know how many times people have told me to quit? 647."
It was a lot less but he ran with it…
"Too old. Too fragile. One wrong move… and you are dead…. Or at least crippled. And you know what the sad part is… they are right. You have seen the scars…. But I trust myself. I trust what I do. I know my body…."
"Just like you do."
"I have never seen you quit in any match. Never seen you quit… anything. Ever. And now, because you think I am placating, that now is the time to quit?"
"Maybe you are… Scared… Empty…. Broken..."
"... but you are not a quitter. "
He tried to touch that nerve gently…
Amber had listened attentively, the distance between them filled with the sounds of desperation and motivation. Despite it all, she really only could muster a couple words as response… holding back the torrent of growing frustration, the twitch in her nose and lip withheld as best as she might manage.
"This isn't quitting."
Matt Knox had already tried to draw something out of her that she didn't want to see the light of day. Now Jan Van Der Roost was dancing across the nerves in hopes of triggering a response she wasn't in the right frame of mind to control.
It wasn't that she didn't wanna fight, it's that she didn't want to live with the consequences.
"Then just what is it? The most destructive force in wrestling… is just going to leave?"
He stands up and shakes his head in ….. sadness.
"After all that has gone on, Amber Ryan is just tucking tail… and leaving…. Just like everyone else has left her for dead…"
He knows he did not just cross a line… he shredded the paper the line was on. He turns his back to her and grits his teeth.
"Like everyone else…."
Silence followed and the air fell still as 10 feet never felt like such a great distance, until Amber voice rang out with a frightening clarity.
"You all just won't fucking quit until you get what you think it is you want from me, will you?"
Those twitches would no longer be restrained, her hands balling into fists. Everyone wanted the destructive force, regardless of the cost, they thought they understood but nothing was further from the truth.
Sliding under the bottom rope slowly, Amber knew Jan would be reading her footsteps and planning for her attack- telegraphed down to the moment.
So she didn't…
Immediately she made for the far rope, ducking the counter strike Jan launched in anticipation of her approaching, laboured gait and hitting the ropes like a coiled spring preparing to unleash.
Stepping up into a headscissor, Jan rolled through- something she expected him to do and she shifted her weight and displaced his attempt at an advantage.
With a moment's jostling, Amber ended up on top with her knee in his sternum and fist drawn back in preparation to strike.
Moments of clarity had a way of striking at odd moments though, watching Jan defend with his arms up knowing that his face was in serious jeopardy triggered something else in her head.
God it'd be easy to just rain down all that fury, all that hate and self-loathing, cave his face in as though he'd stood in the ring and begged for just that.
She was exactly what she didn't wanna be.
She'd switched effortlessly back into someone she continually told herself she no longer wanted to be… someone the world demanded. Now she couldn't quite shake it, she couldn't just turn it off…
Rolling to the side, she slipped under the bottom rope without a word. Internally she cussed, furious that she'd allowed herself to be talked into being the worst version of herself simply because that's what was expected from her.
Physical pain became secondary to the hurt inside her chest, the tightening knots and burning ember caught between her ribs.
"Congratulations. You got exactly what you wanted, I hope it's everything you thought it'd be."
It was only a snippet, a sample, a message sent- god, she could have so easily done some damage… but then what?
There was no gain to be had, to pride to be won- just that sick feeling in the pit of her stomach.
Expectation. If it wasn't the death of her, it would be of someone else.
He watched her standing there near the ring and a slight nod comes from him.
"It was exactly as I had hope. The old Amber, would not have hesitated and she then would be calling me an ambulance. But this Amber, she is different. And I have a feeling the old.. and the new… once combined may, may end up being even more dangerous the one everyone already knows."
With a shake of the head, Amber went to leave, unwilling to say aloud that if she had continued- it wouldn't be an ambulance she'd be calling but a coroner.
As expected, and with a unhinged sigh, he didn't get it…
Unleash and fuck the consequences.
It was easy for everyone else to say, cause they weren't the ones living with it on their conscience.
"I'll be in touch."
There was a harshness in her voice as her visage met the sunrise head on, the light trying to illuminate something very dark bubbling just below her skin.
They didn't get it. They wouldn't until it was too late and by that point- there wouldn't be any of them left to argue, to stop her and most importantly… to ask what happened and why.
As if they weren't the ones asking for it all along.
― Laurell K. Hamilton, Danse Macabre
Squires Atlantic City
Atlantic City, NJ
12.01.2021
5:07am
The front door opens as Jan van der Roost strides into his training facility. Dressed in warmup gear and with a bag over his shoulder, he simply shakes his head as he looks up towards the ring on the raised platform in the middle of the converted warehouse. Fishing through the bag, he takes out an envelope and holds it towards the ring.
“At least this time you knocked.”
A half laugh is heard off camera as Jan places the envelope back in the bag and walks towards the edge of the raised platform. He drops the bag at ringside, unzips his jacket and places it on the bag. He hops up on the apron, wipes his feet on the mat then climbs into the ring.
“It is good to see you again.”
"Likewise and under better circumstances as well."
Leaning heavily, back first, against the ropes on the far side- Amber Ryan allowed herself another small chuckle. Her relationship with the Dutchman had been a more curious one than most… Strong allies and yet only finding each other in their worst times.
Jan had stitched more of her wounds and washed his hands of more of her blood than potentially any opponent she might ever had- without laying a finger of violence on her. Amber, provided a challenge previously not experienced by the veteran trainer and with that had come destructive consequences on more than one occasion.
With a wary smile, she watched the Dutchman pace fluidly- he belonged in the ring, not a moment of wasted motion not hesitation. For someone like Amber, a known unorthodox, it was almost disconcerting as though she hadn't witnessed this same thing a thousand times before.
"I hope this isn't a bad time, Jan.”
“It is never a bad time to get a workout in. And it is never a bad time to get to work with you. What with the family and all…"I got your note, and I will say I was slightly surprised that you decided to come back early… Then again, it is you and never have you followed rules or doctors orders before, so why should now be any different.”
Amber paused knowingly, word had indeed spread fast and like a wildfire it had torched connections along the way. Coming back early was an understatement, but Jan was always an understated kinda guy- something Amber appreciated in a world where everyone was determined to be turned up to 11.
"Straight to the heart of the matter I see. A doctor can't tell me how I feel, or what I think… objective opinion is fine until you try to put it into practice."
Practice was exactly why she was here- even pacing the ring, she could feel the rust and something else… something that hampered her movement far more than a heavily taped ankle straining to swell beyond its bonds. Something she'd found herself strangely unfamiliar with and was determined to keep buried for the sake of her career.
“You know what is best, not them, not me.”
He watched her labored gait, but also watched her eyes. She was determined to do this, even if her body was trying to refuse to let her do so. But… there was more, he didn’t dare press it though. Through trials and tribulations of the past few years, Jan knows when to speak with Amber, and when to stay silent, letting her make the decision to open up. He gave a half-hearted attack to see how her equilibrium was. To anyone else, this would seem like torture. To Jan, it’s just another day working with the Painted Hurricane.
"What's best? Bit of a strong statement… no one should trust my judgement."
Slow reaction. She could feel it, sure she dodged however it was late, like moving through molasses. Resistance was growing in her joints, however she smiled through the gritted teeth in hopes that maybe she could feign her way through the exchange.
“If you were anyone else, you would be correct.”
Her physical reactions were visibly slow, yet her wit and candor were at 110%. He exhaled, ready to take the fight to her, but he was laid back and took things very easy, as if he was working with a first day trainee, rather than a wrestler of her pedigree. He has seen her in many situations, as ally and as adversary, but never had she been quite like this.
"You have far too much faith in me, especially for a man who's taken some of my worst."
A face full of tacks and fire had constituted that, an accident and mistake but an action of violence nonetheless. Amber's coy smile transitioned into something a little more pensive as she watched Jan- most importantly watching him handle her like she were fragile… broken.
Looks like she had to prove herself to Jan as well as everyone else.
Especially herself.
Despite the resistance, she covered the distance between them fast- planting her good foot down so that she might launch a reckless knee at the older man's head. She knew he'd simply dodge, sidestep the attempt but it wasn't about the impact… it was about the proof of effort.
Proof she could still go...
He did as expected, dodging to the side, and his senses went on alert. Adrenaline was an amazing elixir and despite the visible issues, she did not want to be handled with kit gloves. As he saw her turn slowly upon her landing, he grabbed her good arm and threw her to the mat. His knee placed purposely behind the shoulder as he stood over her.
“Never take you lightly. That was the first thing I learned about you.”
A small chuckle escaped the redhead, allowing a moment to pass between them. False sense of security, allow an opponent to think they have an advantage- yeah… she'd been waiting for an opponent to try this.
Shifting her body slightly, she exploded to the side with a violent roll breaking Jan's grip and escaping his pinning knee forcing him to catch himself before stumbling forward and in that moment Amber rolled to her feet, landing with an unintentional stomp.
A mistake.
A severe jolt radiated up through her leg, her ankle buckling slightly under the weight forcing her to take a moment. Shaking it out, she feigned just landing a little off- trying to swallow the swear words bubbling up in her throat and the taste of bile on the back of her tongue.
"You know, you say that and then you come at me like I'm a rookie."
Deflection and charades. Part of her would feel bad about this later no doubt.
Everything she did… it felt, what was the word, forced maybe. Things that came naturally felt as though she'd barely ever successfully done them and her body struggled against her own momentum.
What the fuck was wrong with her?
He got back to a knee and turned to see the shake. Knowing he couldn’t take it easy, he did the only thing he could, and she would respect.
He attacked.
The Dutchman shot like a cannon towards her, scooping the leg with the bad ankle and sweeping the other, dropping her to the mat. His grip was extremely loose, instead of trying to twist, but just the motions of the move, caused something he has never heard from Amber.
Pain.
“Shit.”
He cursed himself as he let go of the hold, sitting on the mat, visibly disgusted with himself. The last thing he wanted to do and that she needed, was inflict more harm.
Amber rolled beneath the bottom rope and perched herself upright on the apron edge. Facade cleaved in two, cards laid bare on the table and that feigned confidence that was just fine… well, that lay stone dead on that may where she'd found herself moments earlier.
"You stopped. Why did you stop?"
She didn't mean to sound angry, hell she didn't even mean to say it aloud- but she had… Shooting pains raced up her right leg, every nerve firing on all cylinders and her senses heightened to the point she might start to smell colour and see sound.
“Because there is more to this than just shaking off the rust for us both.”
He crawls over and slides under the bottom rope, sitting beside her on the apron.
“This is not like your shoulder that you can just pop back in when the time is needed. Your attacking prowess is based off of strikes, meaning you need a strong base to launch those from. Working on one leg does not give you a base to strike from. We need… an alternate plan.”
Amber scoffed, running her fingers through the tangled mess of red falling around her face.
"What I need Jan, is to be better… faster, stronger. I need to feel like I'm not walking through water all the time.
I need to be… I need to be me."
Amber slipped off the apron edge, all this closeness and concern was suffocating. It wasn't as though she disagreed with Jan, she had her first match back coming up and found herself barely weight bearing after a minor attack.
She didn't come here to change though, she came here to be the same as ever.
Trying to hide the limp was pointless, yet it didn't stop her trying. Frustration seeping out of her pores as readily as the sweat sheening on her skin.
"Ok."
He knew there was nothing else left to say. She was determined to do it her way. The Dutchman rolled back into the ring, standing in the center, ready to do what she wanted… but not what he wanted.
"C'mon."
Amber paused, she knew he was reluctant. This… this right here was why she hated what this goddamn industry made her. A constant fight or die, as if there wasn't any other choice staring her straight in the face.
Forcing someone's hand just cause she had something to prove- it was toxic, god… she was toxic.
"Just forget it, Jan. It ain't worth it."
What she really meant though, was SHE wasn't worth it.
"Since when do you quit?"
He sits down in the middle of the ring, collecting his thoughts.
"Do you know how many times people have told me to quit? 647."
It was a lot less but he ran with it…
"Too old. Too fragile. One wrong move… and you are dead…. Or at least crippled. And you know what the sad part is… they are right. You have seen the scars…. But I trust myself. I trust what I do. I know my body…."
"Just like you do."
"I have never seen you quit in any match. Never seen you quit… anything. Ever. And now, because you think I am placating, that now is the time to quit?"
"Maybe you are… Scared… Empty…. Broken..."
"... but you are not a quitter. "
He tried to touch that nerve gently…
Amber had listened attentively, the distance between them filled with the sounds of desperation and motivation. Despite it all, she really only could muster a couple words as response… holding back the torrent of growing frustration, the twitch in her nose and lip withheld as best as she might manage.
"This isn't quitting."
Matt Knox had already tried to draw something out of her that she didn't want to see the light of day. Now Jan Van Der Roost was dancing across the nerves in hopes of triggering a response she wasn't in the right frame of mind to control.
It wasn't that she didn't wanna fight, it's that she didn't want to live with the consequences.
"Then just what is it? The most destructive force in wrestling… is just going to leave?"
He stands up and shakes his head in ….. sadness.
"After all that has gone on, Amber Ryan is just tucking tail… and leaving…. Just like everyone else has left her for dead…"
He knows he did not just cross a line… he shredded the paper the line was on. He turns his back to her and grits his teeth.
"Like everyone else…."
Silence followed and the air fell still as 10 feet never felt like such a great distance, until Amber voice rang out with a frightening clarity.
"You all just won't fucking quit until you get what you think it is you want from me, will you?"
Those twitches would no longer be restrained, her hands balling into fists. Everyone wanted the destructive force, regardless of the cost, they thought they understood but nothing was further from the truth.
Sliding under the bottom rope slowly, Amber knew Jan would be reading her footsteps and planning for her attack- telegraphed down to the moment.
So she didn't…
Immediately she made for the far rope, ducking the counter strike Jan launched in anticipation of her approaching, laboured gait and hitting the ropes like a coiled spring preparing to unleash.
Stepping up into a headscissor, Jan rolled through- something she expected him to do and she shifted her weight and displaced his attempt at an advantage.
With a moment's jostling, Amber ended up on top with her knee in his sternum and fist drawn back in preparation to strike.
Moments of clarity had a way of striking at odd moments though, watching Jan defend with his arms up knowing that his face was in serious jeopardy triggered something else in her head.
God it'd be easy to just rain down all that fury, all that hate and self-loathing, cave his face in as though he'd stood in the ring and begged for just that.
She was exactly what she didn't wanna be.
She'd switched effortlessly back into someone she continually told herself she no longer wanted to be… someone the world demanded. Now she couldn't quite shake it, she couldn't just turn it off…
Rolling to the side, she slipped under the bottom rope without a word. Internally she cussed, furious that she'd allowed herself to be talked into being the worst version of herself simply because that's what was expected from her.
Physical pain became secondary to the hurt inside her chest, the tightening knots and burning ember caught between her ribs.
"Congratulations. You got exactly what you wanted, I hope it's everything you thought it'd be."
It was only a snippet, a sample, a message sent- god, she could have so easily done some damage… but then what?
There was no gain to be had, to pride to be won- just that sick feeling in the pit of her stomach.
Expectation. If it wasn't the death of her, it would be of someone else.
He watched her standing there near the ring and a slight nod comes from him.
"It was exactly as I had hope. The old Amber, would not have hesitated and she then would be calling me an ambulance. But this Amber, she is different. And I have a feeling the old.. and the new… once combined may, may end up being even more dangerous the one everyone already knows."
With a shake of the head, Amber went to leave, unwilling to say aloud that if she had continued- it wouldn't be an ambulance she'd be calling but a coroner.
As expected, and with a unhinged sigh, he didn't get it…
Unleash and fuck the consequences.
It was easy for everyone else to say, cause they weren't the ones living with it on their conscience.
"I'll be in touch."
There was a harshness in her voice as her visage met the sunrise head on, the light trying to illuminate something very dark bubbling just below her skin.
They didn't get it. They wouldn't until it was too late and by that point- there wouldn't be any of them left to argue, to stop her and most importantly… to ask what happened and why.
As if they weren't the ones asking for it all along.